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#30590 - 10/18/09 01:23 AM Re: Advice for young men... [Re: Azathoth68]
Phenex Offline
stranger


Registered: 10/13/09
Posts: 11
I believe that, if the relationship is truly suited to both parties involved, then the age at which it is initiated should not matter. Responsible relationships come with the ability to compromise and intelligently work through any issues that may arise. Education, careers, and relationships with one's family and friends should never suffer because of a relationship.

The age at which one should begin to consider a serious relationship varies, does it not? Surely there are many men in their early thirties who remain incapable of forming a lasting relationship, due to innapropriate impulses, addictions, or other habits conflicting with the romance. I know of quite a few individuals who have been in a relationship since middle or high school, and still carry lovingly into their thirties, forties, and so on. It really depends on the people and their perception, rather than a particular age.
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"Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds." -Einstein

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#30605 - 10/18/09 07:13 PM Re: Advice for young men... [Re: Phenex]
Miss May Offline
pledge


Registered: 09/27/09
Posts: 66
Loc: sebastopol, CA
I agree with you, the age of two people doesn't necessarily matter. From that perspective, the only things that should matter are what matters to the individuals involved. There's no set rules for what a relationship must entail to work properly, but their are definitely requirements. Flexibility can be beneficial, as well as an open-mind, when addressing a relationship.
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#30624 - 10/19/09 10:28 AM Re: Advice for young men... [Re: Fist]
Nick-Aotmzgin Offline
stranger


Registered: 10/02/09
Posts: 11
this is such a great huge big big TIP thank you sooo much for the tips and leadings!
wow..
i still try to memorize all of this but its soooo true!!!
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“We must remember that Satan has his miracles, too.”

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#51187 - 03/17/11 09:02 PM Re: Advice for young men... [Re: Fist]
Hegesias Offline
active member


Registered: 02/16/11
Posts: 725
Attend a western boxing club, or any martial art. Learning to defend oneself is one of the most important decisions one can make. Regular exercise and good nutrition, as you want to be as close to your physical fitness potential as you can, all the time, for increased sexual performance and also robust combat condition for when the situation arises unexpected.

Exercise and nutrition. Plenty fruit and vegetables. And learn to read labels on food to get the lowest fat and highest protein brands. Your body and mind will thank you for it in all regards, now and future.
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#51781 - 03/26/11 07:09 PM Re: Advice for young men... [Re: Fist]
Ex_Insula_Angelorum Offline
stranger


Registered: 03/15/11
Posts: 18
Loc: Mexico
I have a question for the men who are married and/or have children.

From your perspective, was this a biological need or simply a decision? Does a man feel the biological need to get married and/or have children at some point in his life?

Personally, I don't want to have children or get married ever but I want to know if I will ever feel the need to do such things. Is this an inherent part of human nature?

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#51782 - 03/26/11 07:15 PM Re: Advice for young men... [Re: Ex_Insula_Angelorum]
Jake999 Offline
senior member


Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 2230
I've never felt the need to have children and have had a vasectomy since I was in my early 20s. I have never regretted deciding not to have children.
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Bury your dead, pick up your weapon and soldier on.


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#51785 - 03/26/11 10:55 PM Re: Advice for young men... [Re: Ex_Insula_Angelorum]
Autodidact Offline
member


Registered: 01/23/10
Posts: 428
 Originally Posted By: Ex_Insula_Angelorum

From your perspective, was this a biological need or simply a decision? Does a man feel the biological need to get married and/or have children at some point in his life?

Personally, I don't want to have children or get married ever but I want to know if I will ever feel the need to do such things. Is this an inherent part of human nature?


Men have a biological need to fuck. Nature takes care of the rest. If you have children, you will usually feel some attachment to them.

The biological basis goes no further. "Getting married" and "deciding to have children" are not biological imperatives, they are intellectualizations (for men, anyway, can't speak for women).
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An nescis, mi fili, quantilla prudentia mundus regatur?

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#51815 - 03/27/11 03:15 PM Re: Advice for young men... [Re: Autodidact]
XiaoGui17 Offline
active member


Registered: 10/21/09
Posts: 1126
Loc: Amarillo, TX
 Originally Posted By: Autodidact
"Getting married" and "deciding to have children" are not biological imperatives, they are intellectualizations (for men, anyway, can't speak for women).


I'd say that most women have a pretty strong biological imperative to have children. We all know someone whose "clock is ticking." I melt whenever I see babies; often it’s all I can talk about. Fortunately, I can override this instinct-–I know I’m in no position to support children. I want to give my children the best, and the best is not now. I’ve seen far too many girls who can’t resist the urge to reproduce. It’s far easier to conceive than it is to raise a child…

This “baby hunger” is part of why the advice in Fist’s original post is so good. Many girls my age want babies so bad they can practically taste it. Once they think they’ve “bagged” a man (which usually occurs after moving in together), they figure that’s the green light to throw away the BC pills.

While I think his advice is excellent, I can’t help but think my guy should make an exception. Maybe it’s a bit self-serving, but there it is. All the regular temptations of living together (easy sex, cheaper when rent is split) are still there, but I promise I’m not a crazy bitch that’s going to get knocked up or dump a truckload of drama on him. We’re both very career-oriented.
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Wir halten uns an Regeln, Wenn man uns regeln lässt

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#51851 - 03/28/11 01:15 PM Re: Advice for young men... [Re: XiaoGui17]
Fnord Offline
senior member


Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 2085
Loc: Texas
I never had a biological need to get married or to have children. The former happened because it felt right and the latter happened in its own time (when the time was right). We didn't have kids for 6 years after we got married because we knew we weren't ready for them. We traveled and played and worked on work.

Anyway, no, never a 'need'.
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Dead and gone. Syonara.

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#51859 - 03/28/11 03:17 PM Re: Advice for young men... [Re: Fnord]
Diavolo Offline
RIP
stalker


Registered: 09/02/07
Posts: 4997
I was married once while being a puppy. It didn't last too long. As with all my relations. To be honest, the main reason is always me. That's why I never felt the need to reproduce. I don't like to attach myself to anything that takes more than 15 minutes to walk away from. It doesn't work like that with your own kids, or at least, I could not do without feeling like a piece of shit. Kids are a responsibility a man should honor.

A while ago I, intellectually, toyed with the idea to manufacture a little D. but never ever felt a biological desire.

D.

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#51864 - 03/28/11 04:48 PM Re: Advice for young men... [Re: Diavolo]
Hegesias Offline
active member


Registered: 02/16/11
Posts: 725
It always seems to be that there are adults who don't feel they want children who have more to offer as parents.

The way people look at their own children seems to be a simple matter of reverence, as to force the little person to acknowledge them, the parent, as being deserving of worship. When the parents narcissistic supply begins to form a rebellion and sense of self empowerment they call this an "out of control teen" in a context of it being some kind of failing. This is because the parent does not communicate with the child because they think they are a possession to control.

I recognise that school teachers do more to communicate with kids than a lot of parents do. I think a lot of people offer some parenting without getting the title. You don't have to actually make kids to offer advice and help to young people, and it's a good thing too because a lot of parents can't give two shits about their kids.
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#51865 - 03/28/11 04:59 PM Re: Advice for young men... [Re: Hegesias]
Diavolo Offline
RIP
stalker


Registered: 09/02/07
Posts: 4997
It reminds me of a Chuck Palahniuk quote:

"Your parents, they give you your life, but then they try to give you their life."

I've never been a kids person but my last two relations involved kids in the package. The last some quite young kids. What was interesting is that, while I had no parenting skills, those kids behaved quite well when I was around while their mother could hardly control them. I looked at them as young animals and saw when they were, no matter how "annoying", just acting upon instinct, and when it was time to call them to order.

Observing animals with their offspring and watch how much they tolerate and when they stop tolerating gives more clues about parenting than reading any book.

D.

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#51869 - 03/28/11 08:46 PM Re: Advice for young men... [Re: Diavolo]
Hegesias Offline
active member


Registered: 02/16/11
Posts: 725
 Originally Posted By: Diavolo
It reminds me of a Chuck Palahniuk quote:

"Your parents, they give you your life, but then they try to give you their life."

I've never been a kids person but my last two relations involved kids in the package. The last some quite young kids. What was interesting is that, while I had no parenting skills, those kids behaved quite well when I was around while their mother could hardly control them. I looked at them as young animals and saw when they were, no matter how "annoying", just acting upon instinct, and when it was time to call them to order.

Observing animals with their offspring and watch how much they tolerate and when they stop tolerating gives more clues about parenting than reading any book.

D.
Mate, seriously, this is something which runs true with me. I still watch wolf documentaries, I've always had dogs. By always being around numerous German Shepard's this helped me, unconsciously, and then consciously come to realise, that we humans, rely, way too much, on verbal communication. We neglect to "feel" what is going on with each other because empathy is devalued, as being limited to pity, in Christianised society. A dog senses fear, a dog is alert and reactory, a societal human is a shambling unsynchronised mess in comparison.

I wonder if you look at peoples "gait" and can feel, very quickly, what they are made of. I think you know full well what I'm talking about.

If we get back to the feral we see that one does not need an ideology to feel, to know, to show. As humans we have the ability to work back through our abstract thinking and eliminate what is unimportant, but many of us seem to over complicate things so much that we neglect to experience what we are.
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#51881 - 03/28/11 11:26 PM Re: Advice for young men... [Re: Hegesias]
felixgarnet Offline
active member


Registered: 10/17/09
Posts: 688
Loc: UK
I've never had any interest in having children, biologically or by adoption. I never baby-sat or cooed over infants and managed, more or less to avoid their company entirely after primary school.

Now my partner has children who live with her ex and they come to stay for a week at a time around four times a year - they are 8 and 6. My partner has her own apartment across the corridor from mine and we live in both. I like the kids; they're bright and funny and they look like the person I love but there is no way I could have them around me as a permanent fixture. They are so demanding and so vulnerable - that's a heck of a responsibility. I enjoy reading to them and they make me laugh with their questions but I heave a sigh of relief when they go back home.

I'm an animal person when it comes to sharing space and cuddles. \:\)
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"Here's to Artifice!" - Anton Szandor LaVey.

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#51884 - 03/29/11 12:07 AM Re: Advice for young men... [Re: felixgarnet]
Hegesias Offline
active member


Registered: 02/16/11
Posts: 725
That was an honest and very truthful post Felix and I can see what was beneath those words.

In this we see that parents of the establishment place high regard on what "they" get out of raising children, as a selfish pilgrimage for reverence, in totality no but this principle is prevalent as we see all to often the show off parent and the lazy parent. What you are saying is very natural and realistic to what children actually are — hard graft. Watching over vulnerable people who are in need of so much attention is draining because of the effort involved. And because you actually care about them you may find it stressful and draining and then need recharge time, parents that don't care so much can be the dismissal and quick fix kind.

There is nothing so adorable as a defiant child saying profound things. But they are hard work, by accepting this as a responsibility and being responsible this just means you actually care and are realistic.

I fought in the courts for years with the intent of actually getting the family back together. My daughter is 11 now and it destroyed me to lose parental responsibility years ago and for her mother to tell lies about me not existing, I hoped that things would be as they were again and tried for 10 years after the courts, without flinching in my conviction to reform us all.

3 years ago I realised that I don't feel anything for this world any more, I am impervious to any kind of pain and I do not believe my emotions are real any more and use them to gage how to behave and appear human which is stressful as all I feel is disgust for human beings and rage. My child does not know who I am. I just check on her situation because she is the only person in the world who is important, but to see her would be to confuse her and fold the universe they have created around her. She will eventually want to see me and I have support here for her.

This world is an enormous womb of sick, a grubby pilgrimage of greed and materialism, I'm not playing in that world, mine is some place else.
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