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#114519 - 09/28/17 03:52 PM Getting what you want with what you've got...
Sargeist Offline
member


Registered: 02/20/15
Posts: 358
Loc: Chile
...while also being realistic about what you can get.

It sounds pessimistic, but after some events in the past few months I realized what I really want in life within the scope of what I can handle. Problem is, I'm not sure how to get it.

Attracting people is simply something I'm not good at. It's hard for me to communicate effectively, and I rarely make people laugh. I do have a lot of knowledge about music, art, literature and cinema, but all I get from others is that I'm "interesting", which doesn't seem to be enough to make them want to hang around with me.

If the only kind of person who gets to attract people are the funny ones, what can anybody without a good sense of humour do to be more likable?
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#114522 - 09/28/17 06:03 PM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: Sargeist]
Czereda Offline
senior member


Registered: 03/14/11
Posts: 2089
Loc: Poland
 Originally Posted By: Sargeist
If the only kind of person who gets to attract people are the funny ones, what can anybody without a good sense of humour do to be more likable?


Stop whining, for example. That could help.

This forum really should have Dear Abby section.
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#114525 - 09/28/17 08:37 PM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: Sargeist]
Asmedious Moderator Offline
Moderator
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Registered: 09/02/07
Posts: 1786
Loc: New York
You seem to communicate well here. Maybe your problem is not with not being able to attract people, but the kind of people you are trying to attract.

Although a sense of humor is useful to put people at ease and even get them to enjoy being around you, another thing that is important is to listen to them and take interest in them. Or at least pretend to.
People LOVE to talk about themselves and get subconsciously orgasmic when a person seem to take genuine interest in what they have to say.

If you're a good listener, and go as far as asking questions about them, and what they are saying, there's a good chance they will like you. I mean like you a LOT (Possibly to the point of being annoying).

There's a saying that goes something like, "Most people are not having discussions, but merely waiting for their turn to speak." If you can give them that turn then they will want you around. Question is, why do you want to be around them? Chances are if they are not interested in what you have to say, you probably are not really interested in what they have to say either. On the other hand, if you are truly interested in them, then I don't see why they wouldn't want to be around you, unless you do some very weird shit that makes them uncomfortable.

There are all sorts of good books on "attraction," and how to attract the opposite sex. Some of the advice is corny and nutty, but many of it works; not only for the opposite sex, but people in general. However, if you do use that kind of material, you have to realize that you will be putting on an act that is hard to keep up long term. So again, one would have to ask, what your purpose is in trying to attract people who are not like you in the first place.

If you want to use them through some kind of lesser magic, then that is certainly possible to learn to do. However, if you want them to really like you, for who you are as an individual, then your best bet is to do whatever you can to find people who are on the same "wave length," as you are, which is much harder, but much more worth while.
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#114526 - 09/28/17 09:38 PM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: Sargeist]
Dan_Dread Offline
stalker


Registered: 10/08/08
Posts: 3969
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
Gitchu some confidence, or die alone.

Serious advice.
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#114528 - 09/28/17 09:44 PM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: Dan_Dread]
Asmedious Moderator Offline
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Registered: 09/02/07
Posts: 1786
Loc: New York
Even after about a decade, I still get a kick out of how Dan can get a point across in one sentence, that usually takes me several paragraphs to do.
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#114539 - 09/29/17 11:33 AM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: Asmedious]
Creatura Noptii Offline
active member


Registered: 01/02/16
Posts: 950
Loc: Oregon
Hell, a lot of confident people die alone.

@ Sargeist: You seem to have a need for social validation. Try removing yourself from that, even if, especially if it is something you desire.

Who knows, maybe you'll find yourself more attractive in doing so.
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#114540 - 09/29/17 12:20 PM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: Sargeist]
Bartho LeMule Offline
member


Registered: 10/13/13
Posts: 108
 Originally Posted By: Sargeist
If the only kind of person who gets to attract people are the funny ones, what can anybody without a good sense of humour do to be more likable?


What Dan said, plus:

You don't need to be funny. Funny people are entertaining jesters. You don't need to be funny to attract friends.

Read "The Like Switch" [amazon, by Jack Schafer]. It's written by an ex-FBI agent. During his time as an agent he was sent on missions to make friends with foreign diplomats, usually in countries that are rivals or enemies of America. The book talks about how he turned those people into friends, and how he persuaded and influenced them to turn against their own country to provide America with information. That's power... fuck being funny.


Edited by Bartho LeMule (09/29/17 12:25 PM)

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#114541 - 09/29/17 01:01 PM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: Bartho LeMule]
Czereda Offline
senior member


Registered: 03/14/11
Posts: 2089
Loc: Poland
 Originally Posted By: Bartho LeMule

Read "The Like Switch" [amazon, by Jack Schafer]. It's written by an ex-FBI agent. During his time as an agent he was sent on missions to make friends with foreign diplomats, usually in countries that are rivals or enemies of America. The book talks about how he turned those people into friends, and how he persuaded and influenced them to turn against their own country to provide America with information. That's power... fuck being funny.


Right? And this is how the saying goes: May God save me from my friends. I can take care of my enemies.

So... fuck making friends. Make enemies instead.
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Crazy Cat Lady

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#114545 - 09/29/17 02:16 PM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: Czereda]
Creatura Noptii Offline
active member


Registered: 01/02/16
Posts: 950
Loc: Oregon
 Originally Posted By: SG
what can anybody without a good sense of humour do to be more likable?


Man, if you really can't figure this out...

Removed of friends, lovers, and enemies, without other people, what are you?

That's a hard cold mirror that most people avoid looking into.


Edited by Creatura Noptii (09/29/17 02:17 PM)
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#114547 - 09/29/17 04:05 PM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: Sargeist]
Bartho LeMule Offline
member


Registered: 10/13/13
Posts: 108
 Originally Posted By: Sargeist

Attracting people is simply something I'm not good at. It's hard for me to communicate effectively...


You don't have to communicate effectively:

[Begin Quote]

Dale Carnegie said it best – “You can make more friends in two months by becoming truly interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

[End Quote]

The problem with most Satanists is that they are autistic. Autism coming from the word "auto," meaning self. Most Satanists see only themselves, are only interested in themselves, going so far as to deify their own egos. It's rare that Mundane Satanists are ever genuinely interested in others.

I've been reading around this forum for many years. I've rarely if ever seen any Satanist here start a topic where they are genuinely interested in their fellow Satanists. Aside from the usual threads about what your favorite satanic color and music are. It's all about their own Self: their own views, opinions, beliefs. And everything turns into a debate and dick contest.

Simply be sincerely interested in others, and ask questions, and listen more than you talk. It seems like a simple and stupid way to make friends. But I've used this technique since junior high and it works. I've used it these past 10 years to spread ONA and make ONA initiates.



Edited by Bartho LeMule (09/29/17 04:25 PM)

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#114548 - 09/29/17 04:42 PM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: Bartho LeMule]
Dan_Dread Offline
stalker


Registered: 10/08/08
Posts: 3969
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
This is true, I'm rarely interested in others. I chalk it up to most people being flatly uninteresting, here, there and everywhere.

Yet, more often than not, people tend to find ME interesting...

...to the point of annoyance. I wish these kids would just get the hell off my lawn.
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#114550 - 09/29/17 05:31 PM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: Sargeist]
CCB Offline
stranger


Registered: 05/24/17
Posts: 25
Loc: United States
I have nothing to add that other people haven't already said, except that perhaps you don't really understand when people do or do not "want to hang around you" or for what reasons. I don't know how you interact with people generally, but it might do you some good to approach people and direct the course of conversations yourself rather than passively wait to be liked enough to be approached. Assuming you aren't just outright rejected whenever you open your mouth to speak.

Perhaps you'd take less of an issue with this, but if you desire any depth at all I recommend against trying to affect traits or behaviors which you are not actually inclined to. This doesn't mean you can't change to become more appealing if necessary, but the transformation should be fundamental and complete.

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#114558 - 09/30/17 02:17 PM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: Bartho LeMule]
Czereda Offline
senior member


Registered: 03/14/11
Posts: 2089
Loc: Poland
 Originally Posted By: Bartho LeMule
The problem with most Satanists is that they are autistic. Autism coming from the word "auto," meaning self. Most Satanists see only themselves, are only interested in themselves...

Simply be sincerely interested in others, and ask questions, and listen more than you talk. It seems like a simple and stupid way to make friends. But I've used this technique since junior high and it works. I've used it these past 10 years to spread ONA and make ONA initiates.


Well... now at last I know why most of the ONA "initiates" are autistic. Thanks for raising the curtain a little bit.

I once had an old acquaintance who prattled on and on about herself and I pretended to listen because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I didn't actually listen, just kept nodding my head. She's dead now, God bless her soul.
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Crazy Cat Lady

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#114560 - 09/30/17 04:26 PM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: Czereda]
Sargeist Offline
member


Registered: 02/20/15
Posts: 358
Loc: Chile
I've heard of "The Like Switch" before so I'll get acquainted with it.

I don't have issues communicating through digital media, yet in the physical world is where I have issues. I'm quite aggressive in the way I communicate, yet as the saying goes "you catch more bees with honey than vinegar". Being negative and moody all the time also doesn't help, and ruining my social life undermines my confidence which at the same time affects the way I communicate and I end up in a vicious circle. Yet I don't consider myself a waste of flesh.


Edited by Sargeist (09/30/17 04:27 PM)
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#114562 - 09/30/17 09:07 PM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: Sargeist]
Dark Magician Offline
member


Registered: 04/24/14
Posts: 148
SARGEIST:

It sounds pessimistic, but after some events in the past few months I realized what I really want in life within the scope of what I can handle. Problem is, I'm not sure how to get it.

Attracting people is simply something I'm not good at. It's hard for me to communicate effectively, and I rarely make people laugh. I do have a lot of knowledge about music, art, literature and cinema, but all I get from others is that I'm "interesting", which doesn't seem to be enough to make them want to hang around with me.

If the only kind of person who gets to attract people are the funny ones, what can anybody without a good sense of humour do to be more likable?

You may need to be more discerning and more discriminating. You can’t be friends with everyone, so who exactly do you want to be friends with? Are you interested in popular people? Are you interested in good looking people? Are you interested in intelligent people, or all of the above?

Is there a certain group of friends which you wish to join? If so, what do these people value highly and what do you currently offer in the way of value to them? How can you tailor your approach so you’re perceived as offering something of value to them? Can you tailor your approach enough or is it just beyond you?

Is good grooming important to your target audience? Is the capacity to converse brilliantly important? Is strength important? Are looks important? Is success important? Are certain types of experience important?

You’re going to have to do those things and succeed at doing those things, which your target group values and considers important. If you cannot succeed and you cannot fake it, then maybe look in other directions.

Stop watching so many films and reading so many books, at least for a while - being the intelligent loner is frustrating and won’t deliver the goods. Assume that you are in fact thoroughly boring and not interesting at all.

Enter into serious social training. Think seriously about your grooming and presentation. Engage in practices which will improve your appearance, such as strength training and conditioning. Forget yourself – constant self-analysis is your worst enemy. Do everything you do with love and incredible optimism and complete focus. Work hard and modestly to achieve success in everything you do. Don’t stare at people. Speak clearly to other people.

You need to train.

The above may sound like bullshit, but it isn’t intended to be.

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