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#114564 - 09/30/17 10:05 PM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: Sargeist]
Creatura Noptii Offline
active member


Registered: 01/02/16
Posts: 950
Loc: Oregon
You can listen to everybody else and show them your good attention while completely ignoring yourself. The only reason I respond is because more often than not, a longing for social validation is a sign of personal doubt. Consider what you like outside the realm of people.

What others find attractive in you wont be your acceptance of them, but your strength. I find people qick to accept and like me are superficial.


Edited by Creatura Noptii (09/30/17 10:08 PM)
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#114567 - 10/01/17 10:01 AM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: Sargeist]
ShadowLover Offline
member


Registered: 05/26/16
Posts: 351
Loc: Gold Coast, Australia
 Originally Posted By: Sargeist
Attracting people is simply something I'm not good at. It's hard for me to communicate effectively, and I rarely make people laugh. I do have a lot of knowledge about music, art, literature and cinema, but all I get from others is that I'm "interesting", which doesn't seem to be enough to make them want to hang around with me.


My advice is to practice, practice, practice! Just talk to everyone... Everyone! Everywhere you go. And in doing so you get to understand humans better, as well as understanding yourself better. People are our mirrors - if you never engage with them you don't fully see yourself.
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#114569 - 10/01/17 06:35 PM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: ShadowLover]
Creatura Noptii Offline
active member


Registered: 01/02/16
Posts: 950
Loc: Oregon
If you really do have a hard time talking to people, yes, the only way to is through, but ultiamately you might just wind up annoying people

Edited by Creatura Noptii (10/01/17 06:36 PM)
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#114570 - 10/01/17 07:25 PM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: Sargeist]
fiendish Offline
member


Registered: 02/27/16
Posts: 406
Who the fuck cares about you being likeable? If they want you to be an asshole, and if you want some, if you really do want some, being an asshole is what you're talking about.
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#114574 - 10/02/17 02:21 AM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: Sargeist]
Dimitri Offline
stalker


Registered: 07/13/08
Posts: 3300
Confidence is one thing.
Not being deadbeat is another one.

People generally set a goal, or have a craving, and set their ways to attain it through a well-trodden path. Rarily is an alternative road considered which is more in tune with your own capabilities.

There is always a tendacy to overestimate oneself and wear oneself down into psychological and physical discomfort just for meager attainment. There are alternative more long-winded roads which have so much more to offer.

Consider that for a change.
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#114577 - 10/02/17 06:32 AM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: Creatura Noptii]
ShadowLover Offline
member


Registered: 05/26/16
Posts: 351
Loc: Gold Coast, Australia
 Originally Posted By: Creatura Noptii
If you really do have a hard time talking to people, yes, the only way to is through, but ultiamately you might just wind up annoying people


You might annoy people but who cares... They say we would worry less about what people thought about us if we realised how little they actually think about us - if you annoy somebody at lunch they will likely be over it by afternoon tea and then never think of you again.

When you practice it is for YOUR benefit... That is the point! If you annoy somebody then you may learn what is annoying. Hell, you might annoy a hundred people, before you master not being annoying. In the end, those you have annoyed will likely have forgotten about you, but in the meantime, YOU have acquired some serious social skill!

Practice, practice, practice! If you want to polish your social skills then practice! Talk to everybody, everywhere, all of the time! Don't be so afraid of failure because failing is still experience. Practice and rack up those experience points!


Edited by ShadowLover (10/02/17 06:39 AM)
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#114579 - 10/02/17 11:24 AM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: Bartho LeMule]
entropicmomentum Offline
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Registered: 08/07/12
Posts: 56
Loc: Texas
 Originally Posted By: Bartho LeMule


Simply be sincerely interested in others, and ask questions, and listen more than you talk. It seems like a simple and stupid way to make friends. But I've used this technique since junior high and it works. I've used it these past 10 years to spread ONA and make ONA initiates.



I agree. Asking another person questions about things they care about works very well, overall. I'm not sure you have to be sincere as long as they think you are sincerely interested, but faking it makes engaging them much more difficult and painful.

I would also include making, and keeping, eye contact. It can be uncomfortable to learn at first, but strong eye contact can be very powerful.
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#114580 - 10/02/17 01:01 PM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: ShadowLover]
Czereda Offline
senior member


Registered: 03/14/11
Posts: 2089
Loc: Poland
 Quote:
Talk to everybody, everywhere, all of the time!


So fake it till you make it? You realize that your advice amounts to projecting a false persona? You can try to fool yourself and everyone else but your own nature will always sabotage your efforts and other people will soon figure out that you're trying too hard. There is nothing more annoying than a needy person desperate for attention. Nothing will infuriate people more than a guy who desperately wants to get laid.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying you should not try to improve. But the question is what can be improved. You can't change your nature but you can change your habits. With some amount of self-discipline and self-analysis certain harmful habitual behaviors can be modified to some extent. To some extent, mind. A fish will never be able to climb a tree but it can turn its own nature to its advantage.

Some people find shyness attractive. If it doesn't entail a pathological selfloathing, shy people can turn out to be quite charming. Love thyself sounds like a banal platitude but it's a key to be likeable. How can other people accept you if you can't accept yourself and always try to be someone you are not?

You see, I've lost my family recently and I only have a handful of friends. When I come back from work to an empty home, I'm not freaking out and bother my neighbors to entertain me because I can't spend a few hours alone. There is something really wrong with you if you don't enjoy your own company. Most of the time we spend among other people, like at work, among the family, or (like in the case of the OP) at school, but those hours spent alone are a kind of a litmus test of who you are. If the silence wakes up the chattering monster in your head, then you have an answer to the question why you can't find your own place among other people.


Edited by Czereda (10/02/17 01:05 PM)
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#114581 - 10/02/17 01:09 PM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: entropicmomentum]
Phoenician Offline
member


Registered: 02/16/17
Posts: 117
Loc: CA
@ meme sock #125

 Quote:
The problem with most Satanists is that they are autistic. Autism coming from the word "auto," meaning self. Most Satanists see only themselves, are only interested in themselves, going so far as to deify their own egos. It's rare that Mundane Satanists are ever genuinely interested in others.

[ommitted paragraph]

Simply be sincerely interested in others, and ask questions, and listen more than you talk. It seems like a simple and stupid way to make friends. But I've used this technique since junior high and it works. I've used it these past 10 years to spread ONA and make ONA initiates.


Well that's a tell. So ONA initiates are like woman on Christian Mingle? As in, "Wow, that is so interesting?"

Don't most guys that use that move only care about the gratification of their own sex drive? 

And I wouldn't go so far as to say "empathy" removes one from "mundanity" either... it just puts it on a cross.
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#114600 - 10/03/17 08:30 PM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: Czereda]
ShadowLover Offline
member


Registered: 05/26/16
Posts: 351
Loc: Gold Coast, Australia
 Originally Posted By: Czereda
 Quote:
Talk to everybody, everywhere, all of the time!
So fake it till you make it? You realize that your advice amounts to projecting a false persona?


I think of it more like going into a change room and trying on different outfits until you learn what works for you. You have to remember that a lot of people who aren't socially confident either don't know themselves, or know themselves but are not yet comfortable with or secure in their truth. Trying on different persona's can help you work out who you are and who you are not. Plus, as I mentioned above, people are our mirrors - if you never engage with them you don't fully see yourself. It is good to engage with other people.

 Originally Posted By: Czereda
There is nothing more annoying than a needy person desperate for attention. Nothing will infuriate people more than a guy who desperately wants to get laid.


True... So if we weigh up whether these people should practice or not... They can, not, practice and remain silently needy. Or they can practice, perhaps make a fool of themselves, and maybe make forward progress. The desperado you mention, might come off all sorts of wrong, but will hopefully gain knowledge with each of his humiliating knock-backs, and eventually, get something half right and get laid. Theory will only get you so far... Eventually you have to get out there an DO! Because it is in doing that we fine tune and polish the theory.

 Originally Posted By: Czereda
There is something really wrong with you if you don't enjoy your own company.


I'm actually an introvert with a natural inclination to become somewhat reclusive. I love my own company! I fight hard not to get sucked down the spiral of isolation and become some reclusive weirdo. I joke that I want to sell millions of books so I can finally get to embrace my natural inclination to live as an "eccentric recluse!" but it's really not a joke...

I believe humans are social creatures and that it is healthy for us to socialise and have good relationships. I said I work hard not to become a recluse... which is true. I love being at home, but when I leave my lair and go out into the world I don't shut up! I talk to everybody. I actually love people! I find them fun and fascinating.

I'm a happy and peaceful person and I like a happy and peaceful environment. But the outside world isn't always like that. So if I can walk into a place and light up a room with a smile and a hello, than I am instantly manipulating the world I have to venture into, into being how I want it. Most people are stressed and respond favourably when you inject them with a bit of sunshine, and when they allow this, it benefits us both - they get happy, and I don't have to be surrounded by misery.

I'm still shy in some ways sometimes - okay not often... maybe only when I'm falling in love. Lol! But I was tragically shy and awkward when I was young - and if you looked below my surface I was a bit weird. I would miss out on opportunities because of my shyness and put myself in dangerous situations because of my placidness. Then I consciously started pushing myself out of my comfort zone and made myself do things. I'm kind of tenacious in ways. I practised and practised and practised, and now socialising is very easy for me. However, I still challenge myself and push myself out of my comfort zone, simply because it can be both enlightening and fun!
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#114607 - 10/04/17 12:36 PM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: ShadowLover]
Creatura Noptii Offline
active member


Registered: 01/02/16
Posts: 950
Loc: Oregon
@ Czereda: I've lived alone for the most part, I don't like having roomates if I don't have to. I also know that losing family can be a hardship and that being alone afterword can be difficult to say the least.

Tell you what though, the chatter-monster comes with ampule doses of caffeine and lack of sleep. When you have insomnia, everthing blends together and you don't get any escape from your life, it kind of all comes together into one giant mesh of tedious repetition, trying to change it is hard because you're exhausted all the time. It also drains on the mind, so my advice to anyone going through those kind of problems is to get sleep, at night. Sounds ironic coming from me, but...

take it from one who knows.


Edited by Creatura Noptii (10/04/17 12:37 PM)
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#114612 - 10/04/17 05:07 PM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: ShadowLover]
Czereda Offline
senior member


Registered: 03/14/11
Posts: 2089
Loc: Poland
@Creatura Noptii

I drink a lot of coffee because my work includes also night shifts but I have never suffered from insomnia. Even if I have to work at night, I can sleep during the day. It might sound strange but I don't feel lonely. I don't even experience grief. Perhaps, it's because of my work. The people I take care of became a sort of a substitute family for me so I can understand the need for the relationship with another human being. It can turn out to be a problem when craving for other people's company serves as a form of escapism; when you talk to others only to silence your own annoying thoughts, whatever they are. I mean a healthy person isn't freaking out or even feeling too much discomfort when he or she is alone for some time. (Some time, I mean, not living as a hermit) The fear of loneliness is usually rooted in some deeper emotional issues.

@ShadowLover

Sure, you can keep trying and practicing all your life but why not just be yourself? From how your post reads, you didn't change your persona as much as simply let go of your own inhibitions, which stifled your true self. The OP, on the other hand, is desperately trying to be someone else, someone who is popular and funny.
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#114614 - 10/04/17 08:42 PM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: Dan_Dread]
XiaoGui17 Offline
veteran member


Registered: 10/21/09
Posts: 1219
Loc: Austin, TX
 Originally Posted By: Dan_Dread
Gitchu some confidence, or die alone.

Serious advice.

Addendum: Gitchu a goddamn hooker, if that helps you overcome your psychological block.

Seriously, you've written more than one thread on this. In the time it's taken you to bitch about how you can't get laid and how raping someone would be easier and so on, you could have shelled out a wad of cash and knocked the pussy down off the pedestal you've put it on.

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#114640 - 10/06/17 12:04 PM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: XiaoGui17]
Creatura Noptii Offline
active member


Registered: 01/02/16
Posts: 950
Loc: Oregon
@Czereda: Exclusive night shift for a few years and your mind gets wracked. Alternating isn't the same thing. I don't have many connections anymore, no friends, no lover, and yet I'm OK with myself for the most part. I think developing personal recognition is the most important thing in developing self-trust. With that, you know what you are, what you're able to do. It goes with the saying, wherever you go there you are.

@Sargeist: Yes, you could hire a prostitute, get some out of your system, but that's a lot of cash and your only going to have it one night. My advice is to find things you enjoy doing alone, and pursue that as much as possible. Concern with other people will only lead you to a dead end.

Honest, I have no grand master wisdom for people like you. Your lack of confidence with others has something to do with you not liking yourself, and that's where it starts and ends. People like you if you like yourself. My advice, make yourself laugh more than anyone.

Evil in this world occurrs when people don't leave each other alone. Personal insecurity is the driving force of that particular shit-storm.


Edited by Creatura Noptii (10/06/17 12:14 PM)
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#114648 - 10/07/17 08:19 AM Re: Getting what you want with what you've got... [Re: Creatura Noptii]
XiaoGui17 Offline
veteran member


Registered: 10/21/09
Posts: 1219
Loc: Austin, TX
 Originally Posted By: Creatura Noptii
@Sargeist: Yes, you could hire a prostitute, get some out of your system, but that's a lot of cash and your only going to have it one night.

If it shakes loose the idea he's got lodged in his head that pussy is this magical mythical creature that is beyond his reach, it should be the beginning of more than "one night."

 Originally Posted By: Creatura Noptii
My advice is to find things you enjoy doing alone, and pursue that as much as possible. Concern with other people will only lead you to a dead end.

That's good advice for everyone, from incel to slut.
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