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#117987 - 01/10/19 04:26 AM Identity crises...
ShadowLover Offline
member


Registered: 05/26/16
Posts: 351
Loc: Gold Coast, Australia
I actually wasn't sure which category to put this in, but this will do, hey...

So I have been around 600 for a little while now, so some members kind of know me. And some may remember my pre-menopausal identity crisis from about 6 months ago. ...That was intense. But! I got through it.

2018 was a pretty good year for me. I improved my finances. I lost weight and improved my health. My bestie and I started putting into place our new business venture - online ghost hunting website/program. I am dating some pretty cool blokes. Overall, I think my life is pretty awesome!

However, my dating practices haven't always been healthy. Not that I have any regrets, because... you know... it was fun! But I decided to consult a psychologist just to get a different point of view.

Meanwhile... Members may recall me claiming an addiction to chaos which I satiated with horror movies... Well, late 2018, after doing some research on the all knowing Google, I re-diagnosed myself as an experience junkie... which is actually a type of Adrenalin junkie. My favourite drugs being horror movies and sex/men.

So I approach the psychologist, tell her my situation and ask her if there is a healthier way to manage an Adrenalin addiction, than watching copious amounts of horror movies and playing sexual chicken with bad boys...

Members may also remember me claiming that pot doesn't agree with me because I have schizophrenia in my family genetics... I got given a few tastes in the last six months. Which may or may not have sent my anxiety into overdrive - all the colours were so pretty.

Fucking therapist bitch then tells me my sexual behaviour is schizotypal so then I hate her. But I do some research... Turns out I have every marker except for the dressing funny one - my bestie is a cool rock chick and would never allow that... But, it doesn't really surprise me because I always suspected that I was a latent schizophrenic - so schizotypal is a step up... or down, depending how you look at it. My mother became acute at age 48 (I am now 49yo). So I don't think I will play dope roulette anymore - I like my brain how it is.

But this led to my second identity crisis of 2018... Always secretly knowing that you are a bit of a freakazoid is very different to having somebody medically confirm it. Fucking bitch! ...But at the same time, it is incredibly empowering. I did worry that it would put off potential partners, but now I see that... well, you know how bitches be crazy..? Well, when you are quantifiably crazy, you actually come with instructions.... Don't feed after 7pm... Don't get wet (LOL)... Don't stimulate after 5pm (my therapist is trying to wind back my Adrenalin addiction - she put me on Melatonin which is a sleep hormone and is trying to calm me down. No social media after 5pm... LOL. I watched 2 horror movies and wrote a gang rape scene into one of my books last night, but hey, I didn't go on social media. ...Fine, I'll stop being rebellious and finding loop holes, and try harder today. LOL)

But where the identity crisis comes in is that I am now aware of another driver to my actions... So I have been going over all my past decisions of the last 49yrs and exploring which of them was prompted by my schizotypal personality. LOL - it's a considerable amount. ROFLMAO!

BTW... It is officially a Schizotpal Personality 'Disorder...' Go and get fucked! From what I have read, all that means is that I was born separate from the Matrix, and have no interest in being reinserted... Hence the term 'disorder.'

Where the empowerment comes in, is that now I don't have to expect to be normal... Or wonder why I am different... I will never be like everybody else (the other 96%... I have spoken of my shyness when I was young, and how I learned to push past it... which definitely contributed to my Adrenalin addiction. You see, normal people push past it again and again and then don't need to anymore. Whereas with me, I reset every time. So I have to push through it every time. I am more confident, but perhaps where my confidence lies is in my ability to push through it, rather than my need to. ...My need never changes. I have to push every time... forever.)

Empowerment also comes in when I allow myself to feel shy and vulnerable. Rather than cover it up. This helps with maintaining a healthy weight - I don't need to hide and cover up. I can embrace feeling vulnerable and be okay with that.

I also look at some of the areas where I am apparently inappropriate - because, you know... I don't pick up on social queues... If I want to know something of someone, I have been known to ask questions that make everybody around me cringe. ...And, I don't get the social convention of women playing hard to get - how hard is it to know if you like someone or not? Seriously, seems dishonest to pretend not to like someone when you really just want to screw their brains out. ...Doesn't make sense. So tell me again who has the fucking disorder...

Anyway, that is just a couple of examples.

So a positive of having a schizotypal personality is that it forced me to understand and embrace the primal human animal as well as cold hard logic, to simply understand human behaviour and blend in. That coupled with my schizotypal imagination and out there thinking will hopefully make me a brilliant and successful writer which is what I love doing anyway.

So you know... different strokes.

Oh! and when everyone else is mellowing with age... As a schizotypal Adrenalin junkie, I just get wilder. Yay! No seriously, I am glad about that - life is winding up for me rather than winding down. LOL.

So like I said, I feel like I have had a really good year, but I am halfway through my second identity crisis, and I believe we only have a few in our lifetimes. I am dating and looking for a partner, but given my present status quo, i think I may be better to wait a couple of months and let things settle before making any final decisions.

But has anyone else out there had personal identity crises? What were they? When were they? And how did they improve your life as you moved through them?

PS. I now love my therapist.

PSS. The most important thing is that this new info doesn't change who I am (and I like me...) - it just gives me a new perspective which I can use to my advantage.



Edited by ShadowLover (01/10/19 05:25 AM)
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#117989 - 01/10/19 05:26 AM Re: Identity crises... [Re: ShadowLover]
samowens84 Offline
member


Registered: 09/29/16
Posts: 473
In my experience sometimes you love someone more than you want to be with them.

World weariness sometimes tempers the libido and makes complete surrender to love the highest ambition.
Perhaps a person is more capable of loving someone else than accepting it.

Just a guess. Don't know your situation.

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#117990 - 01/10/19 07:18 AM Re: Identity crises... [Re: ShadowLover]
Czereda Online
senior member


Registered: 03/14/11
Posts: 2098
Loc: Poland
Interesting. When I had a nervous breakdown at school, my therapist came up with several diagnoses before finally settling down on neurosis. It took her half a year. Moreover, she had a nervous breakdown herself after her mother died. True, she didn't take meds but she spent a copious amount of days crying into the pillow. She went for a holiday in Greece to reduce stress but it only made her feel worse. All in all, it took her quite a lot of time to get over it.

Guess what, therapists are human beings who feel emotions, like everyone. And like everyone, they experience stress and undergo emotional crises. Some are so fucked up that they need a therapy themselves. Some even take meds. Of course, they won't tell you that because well... it's a medical secret.

So I wouldn't treat any therapist like a fucking oracle. A therapist is merely a companion to talk to. The difference between a therapist and simply a friend is that the former has some training in the field of psychology so she can lead the conversation in such a way that you will start uncovering your hidden issues by yourself. She has to get to know you first though.

I'm not an expert in psychiatry but I think schizophrenia usually comes with visual or auditory hallucinations. If you don't have them, it's not likely you suffer from this illness. I didn't also know that watching horror movies is some kind of a pathology and a sign of an illness. Random and unprotected sex is a certain sign but not of an illness but rather irresponsibility. But hey, with enough psych tests and experiments administered, even a seemingly normal person can come out as a total cuckoo.

I wonder why you treat your emotional issues as a part of your identity. Do you need some "professional" term from psychiatry handbook to accept yourself? I don't get it.


Edited by Czereda (01/10/19 07:37 AM)
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#117993 - 01/10/19 12:10 PM Re: Identity crises... [Re: ShadowLover]
SIN3 Offline
stalker


Registered: 05/14/13
Posts: 7190
Loc: Virginia
I'm wondering where the Satanism part comes in. Sure, we all remember when you joined the forum. That you're an over-sharer and often look for input from strangers. Here's mine:

You've been doing it wrong. Tick tock, figure it out.
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#117996 - 01/10/19 02:48 PM Re: Identity crises... [Re: ShadowLover]
Dimitri Offline
stalker


Registered: 07/13/08
Posts: 3326
You expect a lot.
I have no memory of your queefs and other farts.

If you improved, good for you.
Only you should care.

So you are psycho.
Kill yourself.
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#117997 - 01/10/19 03:21 PM Re: Identity crises... [Re: SIN3]
ShadowLover Offline
member


Registered: 05/26/16
Posts: 351
Loc: Gold Coast, Australia
 Originally Posted By: Czereda
A therapist is merely a companion to talk to. The difference between a therapist and simply a friend is that the former has some training in the field of psychology so she can lead the conversation in such a way that you will start uncovering your hidden issues by yourself.


Yep, I agree. and that's what happened. She pointed me down a path and I followed it. I'm still following it.

 Originally Posted By: Czereda
I'm not an expert in psychiatry but I think schizophrenia usually comes with visual or auditory hallucinations.


I didn't say I had schizophrenia. In fact, I can say that I absolutely don't.

 Originally Posted By: Czereda
I wonder why you treat your emotional issues as a part of your identity.


I think a lot of things play into how we self-identify. Many men identify with their ability to put bread on the table... If that gets taken away their self-identity takes an awful hit. Many go into depression... some start self-medicating.

What do you feel your identity is made up of?

 Originally Posted By: SIN3
I'm wondering where the Satanism part comes in.


It doesn't... The thread wasn't about Satanism.

 Originally Posted By: SIN3
Sure, we all remember when you joined the forum. That you're an over-sharer and often look for input from strangers.


Isn't that what forums are for? To gain insight? At least that is what I use them for. And I've gotten heaps out of this forum... or I wouldn't be here.
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#117998 - 01/10/19 04:22 PM Re: Identity crises... [Re: ShadowLover]
Czereda Online
senior member


Registered: 03/14/11
Posts: 2098
Loc: Poland
Oh sorry I thought schizophrenia and schizotypal personality disorder are the same. It seems we have a new trendy disorder, along with bipolar personality and chronic fatigue. If you try hard enough, you can diagnose everyone with those cool "personalities."

As I'm sometimes prone to paranoia, I have a theory, you know. I really suspect that psychologists and psychiatrists constantly keep inventing new "illnesses" so that they will attract more and more clients convinced they need a treatment.

How much do you pay for your therapy if I may ask?

To answer your question, I surely don't identify with my emotional crises. They come and go.

Oh and don't mind SIN Jones. I've just made 6 posts and have to wait till the next day. Kill her.


Edited by Czereda (01/10/19 04:28 PM)
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Anna Czereda
Crazy Cat Lady

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#117999 - 01/10/19 06:44 PM Re: Identity crises... [Re: Czereda]
samowens84 Offline
member


Registered: 09/29/16
Posts: 473
 Originally Posted By: Czereda
Oh sorry I thought schizophrenia and schizotypal personality disorder are the same. It seems we have a new trendy disorder, along with bipolar personality and chronic fatigue. If you try hard enough, you can diagnose everyone with those cool "personalities."

As I'm sometimes prone to paranoia, I have a theory, you know. I really suspect that psychologists and psychiatrists constantly keep inventing new "illnesses" so that they will attract more and more clients convinced they need a treatment.

How much do you pay for your therapy if I may ask?

To answer your question, I surely don't identify with my emotional crises. They come and go.

Oh and don't mind SIN Jones. I've just made 6 posts and have to wait till the next day. Kill her.


https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VlbaJA7aO9...gle&hl=en&gl=US

Since this thread does seem to be along this vein, this is the best video that best symbolically represents overcoming challenges and transmuting destruction into creation and freedom.

Its what I'm thinking whenever I watch this video anyway.

I'm aware you don't need my advice on this one, but some support is always nice.

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#118002 - 01/10/19 10:00 PM Re: Identity crises... [Re: ShadowLover]
aeon6 Offline
member


Registered: 04/16/18
Posts: 211
Loc: KÝbenhavn, Denmark
I'll emphatically suggest hypnotherapy as an alternative to screwy psychologists/psychiatrists.
Here I pay zero for sessions to address any small number of issues that one might consider a malady. It has helped me to rather spontaneously realize the futility of occassional depression, smoking, tap into greater creativity and productivity, enjoy more culinary delights etc. I've memorized the hypnotist's technique and no longer see him because I now practice it on myself. What happens now when hypnotists lose their patent/trademark? In any case, give it a try and you will be surprised.

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#118034 - 01/13/19 06:02 PM Re: Identity crises... [Re: aeon6]
ShadowLover Offline
member


Registered: 05/26/16
Posts: 351
Loc: Gold Coast, Australia
 Originally Posted By: Czereda
How much do you pay for your therapy if I may ask?


I'm low income so in my country I don't pay anything. I can access 6 free visits to a psychologist per year if my GP agrees that it could benefit me. It can be extended to 10 if everyone agrees the patient is a real nutter. I've never needed 10. But I have accessed the 6 or less twice before in my life.

I didn't feel in psychological distress when I went there. I sought advice on a better way to manage an Adrenalin addiction. Pointing out that I had a schizoptypal personality was actually a real mind-fuck for me.

Because my anxiety was particularly bad the week before, I was drinking a bit to escape the symptoms (Normally I only drink socially with the occasional binge thrown in for kicks). After she told me I was schizotypal I got drunk for another week, while I went back and forth trying to decide if my whole life was imaginary, or if it was just a different type of real. I even hung my head in fear when I told my best friend of 21years, afraid that she might see me in a different light... that she might just write me off as a nutter and not want to be my friend anymore. She laughed and asked, "What?" That's when I told her that it doesn't change who I am. That I was the same person that day as I had always been. She laughed and said "Well, of course you are..." We have always joked that I am the most well-balanced nutcase around - far more well-balanced than many of the so-called normal people.

I am afraid of labels... They make me feel trapped and claustrophobic. I'm especially paranoid about one that has a prefix like schizo. I am afraid that anything I ever achieve can be discredited by such a label. That my achievement can be written off as me being questionably sane. I was afraid of that when I put my post here on 600. I haven't told other r/t communities I am a part of - just a couple of my closest peeps. It wasn't a case of trying to impress you all with a cool label... I guess I was practicing - to see how people would respond... I was still deciding whether I should tell anybody out there in the real world at all, or just bury it.

 Originally Posted By: samowens84
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VlbaJA7aO9M&itct=CBEQpDAYACITCJ2aj_iu5N8CFQgaZAod4vwC4DIKd2F0Y2gtdnJlY0i477GQsrjarZcB&client=mv-google&hl=en&gl=US

Since this thread does seem to be along this vein, this is the best video that best symbolically represents overcoming challenges and transmuting destruction into creation and freedom.

Its what I'm thinking whenever I watch this video anyway.


Cool vid...

 Originally Posted By: aeon6
I'll emphatically suggest hypnotherapy as an alternative to screwy psychologists/psychiatrists.


I am a big advocate of hypnotherapy. It was how I gave up smoking 22 yrs ago (I smoked 40/day). In 2017 I actually invested money and went and learned how to be a hypnotherapist, and it was gaining that knowledge and experience that helped me to really connect with and renegotiate with the demon that was hindering my success in regards to achieving and maintaining an optimal weight. Now the process is relatively easy and even enjoyable. ...Thanks to hypnotherapy. I have a type of brain that it works well with.



Edited by ShadowLover (01/13/19 06:05 PM)
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#118041 - 01/14/19 03:53 AM Re: Identity crises... [Re: ShadowLover]
Czereda Online
senior member


Registered: 03/14/11
Posts: 2098
Loc: Poland
So what can your psychologist know about you after 6 visits? The label/diagnosis is the least important. It usually comes at the end because well... some documents have to be filled in. Often, the therapist doesn't tell you about the so-called diagnosis unless you ask. Sorting out problems and addressing disfunctional behaviors is the only thing that counts. The session should take place once a week and the whole therapy should last at least half a year. Otherwise, it doesn't make sense.

As I wrote, I attended therapy myself and yet, what you wrote here makes me scratch my head. I don't negate the sense of a therapy in general. Sometimes, it's necessary. But you have to choose a good therapist. A shitty one will do more harm than good.

I also didn't have a dilemma whether to tell other people about it. My relatives and friends knew. My neighbors learned about it themselves because they saw me going there. If you attend the therapy in the place you live, you won't hide it. I only wonder why it should matter that people know you visit a psychologist. Even if they call you a nut out of ignorance, why is it important at all?
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Crazy Cat Lady

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#118051 - 01/15/19 09:28 AM Re: Identity crises... [Re: SIN3]
Sabrina27 Offline
member


Registered: 01/21/17
Posts: 150
Not every conversation you come across have to tie it with Satanism. Actually try understanding others perspectives and where they're coming from. Hurtful words won't change ones opinion, empathy will
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#118052 - 01/15/19 02:15 PM Re: Identity crises... [Re: Sabrina27]
Dark Light 444 Offline
member


Registered: 08/02/17
Posts: 276
Yes, but to be fair, this is a Satanic/Occult forum, with very specific criteria in posts. Anyone can go to a self-help/spiritual forum and find what they need there. The fact that this forum has become deluded with self help crap just highlights the inconsistency of maintaining that criteria with certain posters.
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#118057 - 01/15/19 10:31 PM Re: Identity crises... [Re: Dark Light 444]
aeon6 Offline
member


Registered: 04/16/18
Posts: 211
Loc: KÝbenhavn, Denmark
It may be handy to understand the term self-help better by emphasizing the SELF part. Self-cultivation arrived at in different manners produces different human specimens, some of whom find a forum such as this. I see delusion here but it is not where you think.
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#118066 - 01/18/19 11:34 AM Re: Identity crises... [Re: Sabrina27]
SIN3 Offline
stalker


Registered: 05/14/13
Posts: 7190
Loc: Virginia
 Originally Posted By: Sabrina27
Not every conversation you come across have to tie it with Satanism.


You again? You're reading comprehension hasn't improved. I don't see anything Satanic about over-sharing one's personal woes on a forum with strangers.

 Quote:
Actually try understanding others perspectives and where they're coming from. Hurtful words won't change ones opinion, empathy will


Hurtful? Honestly is like that. I understand it, and still hold the same perspective. Don't you understand?
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#118096 - 01/21/19 12:28 PM Re: Identity crises... [Re: SIN3]
Sabrina27 Offline
member


Registered: 01/21/17
Posts: 150
 Originally Posted By: SIN3
You again? You're reading comprehension hasn't improved.

Neither your spellings

 Originally Posted By: SIN3
I don't see anything Satanic about over-sharing one's personal woes on a forum with strangers.

 Originally Posted By: SIN3
I'm wondering where the Satanism part comes in.


 Originally Posted By: SIN3
Hurtful? Honestly is like that. I understand it, and still hold the same perspective. Don't you understand?

It's equivalent to screaming at your child for being suicidal rather than teaching them self-worth and introspection


Edited by Sabrina27 (01/21/19 12:31 PM)
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#118111 - 01/23/19 11:46 AM Re: Identity crises... [Re: Sabrina27]
SIN3 Offline
stalker


Registered: 05/14/13
Posts: 7190
Loc: Virginia
May has well have said "nannie, nannie... Boo Boo!" Would have been less intellectually bankrupt.

 Originally Posted By: Sabrina27
It's equivalent to screaming at your child for being suicidal rather than teaching them self-worth and introspection


That you reduced her to a suicidal child, is telling of your own thoughts on the matter.

Do you even read brah?
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#118122 - 01/24/19 03:24 AM Re: Identity crises... [Re: SIN3]
Creatura Noptii Offline
active member


Registered: 01/02/16
Posts: 950
Loc: Oregon
 Quote:
Hurtful words won't change ones opinion, empathy will


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