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#58377 - 08/20/11 03:28 PM Re: Jokes [Re: Picunnus]
AzazelsSon Offline
stranger


Registered: 08/01/11
Posts: 7
Loc: USA
What do call an arab in the desert? A dune coon...I have no regrets
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“It is wiser to find out than to suppose”-Mark Twain

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#58734 - 08/31/11 09:33 AM Re: Jokes [Re: AzazelsSon]
Wicked Satanist Offline
member


Registered: 10/23/07
Posts: 244
Loc: Michigan
Three surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. ' First surgeon said "Electricians are the best, everything is colored coded." The second second surgeon says " No, I think librarians are, everything inside them is in alphabetical order." The third surgeon shut them up when he said "you're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.There's no guts,no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine. Plus the head and the ass are interchangeable...
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Forever in Darkness,
Timothy

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#59069 - 09/12/11 08:00 PM Re: Jokes [Re: Wicked Satanist]
Rivenstar Offline
stranger


Registered: 09/10/11
Posts: 17
Loc: The city of sin.
Here's and old one you all might enjoy:

Long ago...
On a cold winter night, after a terrible storm and an even more terrible shipwreck, 3 Christian missionaries washed up on the land of Unga Bunga.
As they lay there shivering and vomiting seawater, they were discovered by the local tribesmen who quickly bound their hands and feet and dragged them before the king.
The king (being quite grumpy at having been awoken in the middle of the night) glared at the 3 men and declared, "This is the Isle of Unga Bunga and you have trespassed upon it! Choose now your fate, Death or Unga Bunga?
The first missionary was a coward and feared death above all. He spoke up quickly and said, "Mighty King, I choose Unga Bunga." At which time the man was seized and brutally raped by all the warriors in the village, then thrown naked and weeping into the forest.
The second missionary was horrified by what happened to the first missionary and was visibly sickened, but he too feared death. So when the king looked at him, He looked down at his feet and softly said, "I too choose Unga Bunga." Whereupon he too was grabbed, violently violated and thrown naked out into the forest.
The third missionary was a true man of faith and did not fear death. So he looked the king right in the eye when he said,"I choose death!" In response, the king took up his wicked sword and yelled, "THEN YOU SHALL HAVE DEATH......BY UNGA BUNGA!"
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I do anything and everything Mr. Stark requires. - Pepper

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#59176 - 09/17/11 05:39 PM Re: Jokes [Re: fakepropht]
dust-e sheytoon Offline
member


Registered: 08/23/11
Posts: 206
Loc: NYC
 Originally Posted By: fakepropht
Why does Jesus hate M&Ms? They fall through the holes in his hands.


:)) That's a great joke! I shared it on Facebook and some of my Atheist Iranian and Sufi Egyptian friends liked it too!

Following are some examples of Iranian visual jokes.

Mecca is which way?
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=2259431038936&set=o.282828097785&type=1&theater

Comparing American and Iranian Presidential motorcades.
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=2...&type=1&theater

Form follows....?
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=189769577704944&set=o.118101631593057&type=3&theater

Adapting American safety technology
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=173607012714156&set=o.174139325990505&type=1&theater
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Fly for your lives! A great magician comes! He summons armies from the earth itself! ~ ArabianNights

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#59195 - 09/18/11 05:14 PM Re: Jokes [Re: dust-e sheytoon]
Wicked Satanist Offline
member


Registered: 10/23/07
Posts: 244
Loc: Michigan
Cop pulled a man over for doing 90 mph in a 55 mph zone. He examined his license & said, "Darn it, it's been a long hard day, it's Friday, I don't need the frustration of more paperwork or the overtime. If you can give me one GOOD excuse for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go without a ticket."
The man thinks for a minute & says, "Well last week my nagging wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
Have a nice weekend," said the officer
_________________________
Forever in Darkness,
Timothy

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#60846 - 11/02/11 12:03 PM Re: Jokes [Re: Wicked Satanist]
Shintorei Offline
lurker


Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 3
Foreword:For all of you who may not know , in germany , a vast amount of people are turkish , and a vast amount of them act like idiots.

Joke #1
So , a American , a Australian ,a Turk ,and a German are sitting on a hill
And then at some point , the American throws a bottle of whisky down the hill saying "We got enough of these at home" The Australian throws down a snake saying "We got enough of these at home"
Now the German thinks , and looks at the Turk , and the Turk says "Dont even think about it"

Joke #2
Q:What makes a bog body funnier ?
A:A clown costume

Joke #3 (Foreword , I got nothing against jews)
So , Hitler , with 30 jews , is sitting on a chair on a rooftop.
Then he tells a jew "Jump down while lying"
So he jumps down while lying.
The next one , he tells "Jump down while sitting"
Then another one , this time "Jump down while being straight like a stick"
And then Garbage-Ehem-Goebbels comes running and says "Hitler ! Hitler! We conquered poland!"
Hitler then angrily retaliates "Dont disturb me when I'm playing tetris!"

Joke #3
Q:Whats the difference between a catholic priest and a beggar ?
A:They both stick their sticks into 10 year old buns.

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#61416 - 11/15/11 08:31 PM Re: Jokes [Re: Picunnus]
Magnussa Offline
stranger


Registered: 11/10/11
Posts: 8
Loc: New York, NY, USA
Chuck Norris can call every phone in the world by dialing the same number...

on his microwave.

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#61419 - 11/15/11 09:39 PM Re: Jokes [Re: Magnussa]
LeftHandonFeet Offline
member


Registered: 11/05/11
Posts: 109
FINALLY! The REAL explanation for Jesus of Nazareth claiming to be the "Son of the Living God".
The doctor was piss drunk and while attempting to circumcise his sorry ass, he castrated the fuccin Jew tart. To make him feel better about himself they told him he was "different than the other kids". In fact they told him he was the "son of god and his seed too special to reproduce". Man did he get way overboard on that ego power trip. But thankfully, his faggot ass has been gone 2000 years. Hail Cesar! Hail Satan!

So now you know why Jesus of Nazareth ate lunch with the prostitutes- he foresaw the days of ganskta pimps and was a tad bit envious he couldn't start some shit and pass it down a few generations- now you know, it's not all about gifting and abilities- all that clairvoyance and he missed the obvious right in front of his ass! Speaking of his ass- Mary a virgin my ass! Nice mind trick and all, but I saw through it- Mary rode that ass all the way to Bethlehem- donkey? Yeah a donkey dick! She was a little young and they didn't want to expose the pervert.

You have a friend in the REAL Jesus- the Blacc Jesus! No I'm not talking about the one's in the south Georgia nativity scene race wars either- but the savior to the Left Hand! After all, I'm not racist- it's all pink on the inside! Once you go blacc you never go bacc refers to more than Magick, this I know- that took me awhile to figure out bacc in the day.
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"I’m just another hardline psuedo-statistic
Can you feel this?" Slipknot - The Blister Exists


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#61420 - 11/15/11 10:48 PM Re: Jokes [Re: LeftHandonFeet]
RAIDER Offline
member


Registered: 09/09/11
Posts: 152
Loc: PA
A guy I know told me this one on a Sunday after he had gone to church....dunno why he went to church...anyway..."What's white and rains from the sky?......the cuming of the lord."
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DARK WOLF

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#61453 - 11/16/11 01:23 PM Re: Jokes [Re: RAIDER]
Managor Offline
member


Registered: 07/06/11
Posts: 110
So a guy walks into a bar..
I forgot the rest of the joke, but your mother is a whore.

And Nixon vs Clinton.

 Code:
Major Scandal during their presidency....
Nixon: Watergate
Clinton: Waterbed

The President's biggest fear....
Nixon: The Cold War
Clinton: The Cold Sore

Complaints toward the President.....
Nixon: Carpet-Bombing
Clinton: Carpet-Burns

Their Vice-Presidents...
Nixon: His was Greek
Clinton: His is a Geek.

Presidential qualities.....
Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger.
Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her.

Things the President couldn't explain....
Nixon: The missing 18-minutes on the tapes
Clinton: The 36D bra in his briefcase

Job titles....
Nixon: Ex-President
Clinton: Sex-President

Slogans....
Nixon: Known for campaign slogan "Nixon's The One"
Clinton: Known for women pointing at him and saying "He's the one"

Known for....
Nixon: Famous for his widow's peak
Clinton: Famous for bringing widows to their peak

Acquaintances....
Nixon: Well acquainted with G. Gordon Liddy
Clinton: Well acquainted with G Spot

Famous feats....
Nixon: Took on Ho Chi Minh
Clinton: Took on Ho

Quoted as....
Nixon: Talked about achieving peace with honor
Clinton: Talked of getting a piece while on her

Presidential Nicknames....
Nixon: Tricky Dick
Clinton: Tricky Dick

and finally, Presidential excuses....
Nixon: I am not a crook!
Clinton: I did not do nook!


Most of the rest I know are racist jokes.

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#61454 - 11/16/11 01:53 PM Re: Jokes [Re: Managor]
Daafje666 Offline
pledge


Registered: 01/08/09
Posts: 73
Loc: The Netherlands
Haven't seen much gay jokes yet, so how about this one?

A gay man walks into a butchery,

Butcher: How can I help you?

Gay man: I want the biggest, hardest sausage you got.

Butcher: Okay, no problem. Do you want it sliced up or whole?

Gay man: Whole of course, my ass isn't a shuffleboard!
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That's why.

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#61466 - 11/16/11 04:06 PM Re: Jokes [Re: Daafje666]
felixgarnet Offline
active member


Registered: 10/17/09
Posts: 688
Loc: UK
I thought that was going to be a joke about mince! ;\)
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"Here's to Artifice!" - Anton Szandor LaVey.

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#61916 - 11/27/11 02:31 PM Re: Jokes [Re: felixgarnet]
Nyte Offline
member


Registered: 10/19/09
Posts: 380
Loc: Ohio
I've got a friend that passes along some of the funniest jokes. Some clean, some not so clean. This one was just kind of fun, so here it is.

Dad buys a LIE DETECTOR ROBOT which slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner. "Son, where were you today?"

The son says "At school dad."

Robot slaps the son!

"Ok, I watched a dvd at my friends house!"

"What dvd?"

"Toy story."

Robot slaps the son again!

"Ok, it was an adult dvd" cries the son.

Dad yells "What! When I was your age I didn't know what that was!"

Robot then slaps the dad!

Mom laughs "HaHaHa! He's certainly YOUR son."

Robot then slaps the mom!
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If only just for today.....

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#61956 - 11/28/11 08:40 AM Re: Jokes [Re: Nyte]
Managor Offline
member


Registered: 07/06/11
Posts: 110
Totally didn't see that end coming. That's a great on Nyte.
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#61978 - 11/28/11 08:17 PM Re: Jokes [Re: lux]
Michael A.Aquino Offline
stalker


Registered: 09/28/08
Posts: 2599
Loc: San Francisco, CA, USA
So a lady passes a pet store with a gorgeous parrot in the window with a very low pricetag displayed on the cage. She enters and asks the proprietor why the bargain price.

"Well, he was confiscated from a bordello that the police raided last night, and his speech - just see for yourself."

She walks over to the cage, and the parrot says, "Awwk! New madam!"

She laughs and says, "I'll take him." When she arrives home with the cage, the parrot see her teenage daughter: "Awwk! New girl!"

About the time they both finish laughing, her husband walks into the room.

"Awwk! Hi, Fred!"
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Michael A. Aquino

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