#61985 - 11/28/11 10:18 PM
Re: Jokes
[Re: Michael A.Aquino]
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Jake999
senior member
Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 2230
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Man walks into a bar to get a drink and sees a big jar of money and sign that reads, "Make the Horse Laugh and win $10,000."
After talking to the bartender, he was taken to a back room stable where the saddest looking horse in the world was just standing, munching oats. The man looked at the horse, walked up to it and whispered in its ear. The horse chuckled, and the broke out into uproarious laughter. The man walked back into the bar, grabbed the $10,000 prize in the jar, and walked out the door.
A year later the man walks into the bar to get a drink and sees a huge jar of money and sign that reads, "Make the Horse Stop Laughing and win $100,000."
Once again he was led to the horse. The horse saw the man and his laughing became frantic. The man told the bartender, "I'm going to need 30 seconds alone with the horse." The bartender closed the door for 30 seconds, and when he reopened it, the horse was sad to the point of sobbing helplessly.
He said, "Well, I guess you win the prize again, but I really need to know what you did. How did you make him laugh?"
The man said, "I just told him my cock was bigger than his."
The bartender then asked, "Well... what did you do to make him so sad?"
The man smiled and said, "I showed him."
_________________________
Bury your dead, pick up your weapon and soldier on.
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#63773 - 01/16/12 12:29 PM
Re: Jokes
[Re: tuathacoagula]
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seekswisdom
member
Registered: 01/04/12
Posts: 104
Loc: California,U.S.
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It was the night of the palace ball and Cinderella couldn't stop crying. Her fairy Godmother was distraught. "Cinderella," she said,"why are you crying? You have a beautiful gown, a shiny pair of glass slippers, and you're about to have one of the best evening in you life!" But Cinderella continued in her sorrow."I know she said,'but I've looked everywhere and I can't find my diaphram! What am I going to do!?"
The fairy Godmother thought for a moment, and then said, "I'll make you a diaphram, but only for tonight and you have to be back by midnight or the Diaphram will turn into a pumpkin." "Thank you! Thank you!" she shieked, and she ran out the door so she woudn't be late.
The fairy Godmother smiled, happy to please Cinderella so much. She settled in the front of the fire to await Ciderella's return.
The fairy Godmother waited. And she waited, until finally 12 o'clock rolled around and there was still no sign of Ciderella. The fairy Godmother started to become distraut and worried until she worked her self into a frenzy.
Suddenly, the door swings open and Cinderella comes sautering in a daze with a lazy smile painted on her face, a little drunk swagger in her walk and kind of breathes a tired hello.
The fairy Godmother's eyes got big and she jumped up. "what happen? Are you ok?
"I'm fine,' she murmured. I was on my way home when I met the most lovely man....... Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater. 
Edited by seekswisdom (01/16/12 12:33 PM)
Edit Reason: spelling
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#63795 - 01/16/12 09:25 PM
Re: Jokes
[Re: dust-e sheytoon]
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Zach_Black
member
Registered: 05/14/11
Posts: 541
Loc: San Diego, California
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Here is a short joke.
Why are woman so bad at judging length and distance?
Because all of their lives men with 4 inch penises have been telling them that it is really 8 inches.
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#63800 - 01/17/12 02:21 AM
Re: Jokes
[Re: Zach_Black]
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seekswisdom
member
Registered: 01/04/12
Posts: 104
Loc: California,U.S.
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So true!
A cop was patrolling the highway when he sees a guy tied up to a tree,crying.The cop stops and approaches the guy. "Whats going on here?", he asks. The guy sobs, "I was driving and picked up a hitchhiker. He pulled a gun on me, robbed me, took all my money, my clothes, my car and then tied me up". The cop studied the guy for a moment, and then pulled his pants down and whipped out his dick. "I guess this isn't your lucky day,pal!"
A guy goes up to a girl and says, "you want to play magic'?"She says what that?" He says, "We go to my house and fuck, and then you disappear."
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#68831 - 07/13/12 06:55 AM
Re: Jokes
[Re: Latvian]
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Deep Time
pledge
Registered: 05/12/12
Posts: 54
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The pope had become very ill and was taken to many doctors, all of whom could not figure out how to cure him. Finally he was brought to an old physician, who stated that he could figure it out. After about an hour's examination he came out and told the cardinals that he knew what was wrong. He said that the bad news was that it was a rare disorder of the testicles. He said that the good news was that all the pope had to do to be cured was to have sex. Well, this was not good news to the cardinals, who argued about it at length. Finally they went to the pope with the doctor and explained the situation.
After some thought, the pope stated, "I agree, but under four conditions." The cardinals were amazed, and there was quite an uproar. Suddenly a single voice was heard over the top of the noise: "And what are the four conditions?"
The room stilled. There was a long pause. The pope replied, "First the girl must be blind, so that she cannot see with whom she is having sex. "Second, she must be deaf, so that she cannot hear with whom she is having sex. And third she must be dumb so that if somehow she figures out with who she is having sex, she can tell no one."
After another long pause another voice asked, "And the fourth condition?"
The pope replied, "Big tits."
_________________________
http://hereistoday.com/"All the witches had to show their respect for Satan by kissing his ass."
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#69032 - 07/16/12 07:52 PM
Re: Jokes
[Re: lux]
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Prion
stranger
Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 26
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If I walked into a nunnery and took all my clothes off, would the Mother Superior have a stroke?
What's the difference between ROM and RAM?
You can't rom your cock up somebody's ass.
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#74960 - 01/31/13 01:13 PM
Re: Jokes
[Re: Prion]
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Dimitri
stalker
Registered: 07/13/08
Posts: 3075
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A guy decides to have a party where his guests are asked to come as different emotions e.g. fear etc .
On the night of the party, the first guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest. He says to this guy, "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" And the guy says," I'm green with NV". The host replies, "Brilliant, come on in and have a drink."
A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a woman covered in a pink body stocking with a feather boa wrapped around her most intimate parts. He says to this woman "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as? "She replies, "I'm tickled pink." The host says, "I love it, come on in and join the party.
A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third time, and the host opens the door to see two Irishmen, Paddy and Mick, standing stark naked one with his knob in a bowl of custard, and the other with his knob stuck in a pear. The host is really shocked and says, "Well, what the hell are you both doing? You could get arrested standing like that out there in the street like that. Anyhow what emotion is this supposed to be?!?!" Paddy replies, "Well, Oim fokn discustard, and Mick here has just come in despair."
_________________________
Ut vivat, crescat et floreat
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