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#19799 - 02/06/09 05:48 PM Polyamorous Relationships
Succubus666 Offline
member


Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 161
My boyfriend and I have been together for four and a half years, and recently decided to change our monogamous relationship to a polyamorous one. I cannot tell you the sense of liberation and freedom I feel, like I can breathe again for the first time in years! Iíve had the most breathtaking lesbian sex of my life and canít even remember the last time another person has made me feel so sexually satisfied. I almost didnít realize it was possible until it happened. Iíve also decided that as a symbol of my new found sexual freedom and pleasure, Iím going to get the baphomet sigil tattooed over where my pubic hair would be (I shave everything below the neck anyway).

Since this is kind of a new area of experience for me (Iíve had open relationships when I was a teenager, but they werenít this serious) Iím wondering what other peopleís experiences are in this area. Are there other people here that are involved with polyamorous relationships? Does anyone have any good or bad experiences that they would care to share? Any advice on things to watch out for emotionally? Is there a consensus on this being the most natural course of action for most Satanists to take, why or why not? Iím interested in hearing everyoneís thoughts...

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#19810 - 02/06/09 07:16 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
Morgan Offline
Princess of Hell
stalker


Registered: 08/29/07
Posts: 2956
Loc: New York City
My girlfriend got really upset when I brought a man into the equation. I was quite happy with both of them, but it wasn't what she wanted. Needless to say that didn't last very long.
If you want something like that to work, all must be on the same page and openminded otherwise jelously will show up.

I'm not sure if thats something that I want anymore, but it does have it time and place in my memories.

M
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#19835 - 02/07/09 02:18 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
daevid777 Offline
active member


Registered: 08/30/07
Posts: 951
Loc: Hell's Pisshole, Texas
Morgan got it right...

Polyamorous relationship?

Maybe... like in "My Girlfriend's Girlfriend" - yeah, that sounds nice... in a song. And it's a nice thought, as long as everyone is playing along.

Having separate "lovers" invites "jealousy", and with jealousy, bad things happen.

Honestly, if your boyfriend goes out and fucks some other chick, you're okay with that? And if he does so, over and over again with the same person, possibly eventually liking this person, loving this person, this is fine with you? this would be "polyamorous"...

What then, (narrow, close-minded apparently) is your "basis" for a "relationship"? And is he "special" to you anymore? Or just one of the guys or gals that does it for you at the time?

sounds like it's time to re-evaluate, no one is special, or every possibility is special... sounds promiscuous, and not a "relationship", in a certain definition of the word... that is of my own construct, I'd imagine.

Multiple lovers... sounds great... do I want my multiple lovers to have multiple lovers? Eh, no. So I've decided I should have a harem. Yes, loyal and faithful to me alone... that's polyamorous, at least on my part.

Or is it "poly-sexual"? Polyamorous involves the concept of "love", I think, by definition, or at least by direct translation... can one have "enough" sustainable love for more than one person at a given time... possibly, can another do exactly the same thing, at exactly the same time as you? Odds dwindle.

Who initiated this "polyamorous" thing anyway? It wasn't initially mutual, it never is.... so give up the goods!
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#19839 - 02/07/09 02:31 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: daevid777]
Jake999 Offline
senior member


Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 2230
Polyamory is more of a committed relationship than just a sexual relationship, although in my case, there's definitely a healthy portion of both. Monogamy is hard, and polyamory can give you some permutations of potentials for problems that would make a math wizard break out his abbacus.

But it CAN work. I've been married for 40 years next October, and have been in a polyamoric relationship with my wife and another woman for almost 20 years. There's no sex between them, and her husband isn't imvolved, but we're all connected through that relationship and it's comfortable for us all to travel together and travel apart.

And even with the plurality of that relationship, there's no sense of ownership or possessiveness. We all know that if one of us feels the need to be with someone else outside of our polyamoric group, it's permissible, so long as it's out in the open... or if one of the other people wants to be involved as well, that's an available option too.
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#19841 - 02/07/09 04:29 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Jake999]
daevid777 Offline
active member


Registered: 08/30/07
Posts: 951
Loc: Hell's Pisshole, Texas
Nope.

At least not as I used to define love. I can't begin to explain, but this, I'm starting to realize, was the one "everlasting love", the kind of love that could kill passersby if they looked too close, the envy of all who could stand to behold its' power, the very meaning of my existence.

Nowadays, who cares... go for it.
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Where we're going, we don't need roads.

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#19845 - 02/07/09 06:08 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
Zoid Offline
member


Registered: 01/24/09
Posts: 109
Loc: USA - New Jersey
 Originally Posted By: Tala de Sade
My boyfriend and I have been together for four and a half years, and recently decided to change our monogamous relationship to a polyamorous one. I cannot tell you the sense of liberation and freedom I feel, like I can breathe again for the first time in years! Iíve had the most breathtaking lesbian sex of my life and canít even remember the last time another person has made me feel so sexually satisfied.


Having one wife was more than I could tolerate. Having multiple wives with a husband or two thrown in is my idea of being punished for my sins - and I mean the Satanic ones, beginning with stupidity.

Have you considered breaking up with your boyfriend and going lesbian all the way?

Also, do you really mean polyamory, which implies commitment to multiple people? Or do you actually mean an open relationship with your boyfriend, whereby your boyfriend is the only person you're committed to, but you're permitted to have sex on the side with other people?

Satan, for me, represents Id plus Ego victorious over Superego. Notice I didn't merely say Id, but Id plus Ego, the latter term being a reference to the reality principle, which contains within itself a particular virtue that I personally consider Satanic, namely prudence. Commitment to one person is hard, to two people is doubly hard, to three people is triply hard, and so on.

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#19849 - 02/07/09 07:13 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
spiderbreeder Offline
member


Registered: 11/29/08
Posts: 300
Loc: Sydney,Australia
Arrangements like that always seem to start out ok, but as time goes on,someone always ends up feeling jealous or threatened in some way- usually the partner who didn't come up with the idea of the polyamorous relationship in the first place,ie; it was an interesting concept proposed to them that they were initially leery of, but in time, came around to the idea and decided to give it a shot.

I think that there would be a higher chance of success in an arrangement like this if the two people concerned were already Polyamorous-minded to begin with.
It's a concept/lifestyle both are familiar with, and are therefore less likely to fall into any insidious"emotional pot-holes" that a couple newer to the concept would be vulnerable to.

Four and a half years.... That's a big chunk out of your life to spend with a person, especially when you're young.
Maybe your same-sex encounter is a personal sign - if it was the most satisfying experience that you can remember having ever, maybe you would be happier embracing that way of life fully?

You also mentioned that you feel "like you can breathe for the first time in years"
I feel exactly the same way at the moment after recently coming out of a 7 year relationship.
You always feel stifled and trapped with someone that you know deep down that your not in love with anymore, and when it's over, that's when the feelings of freedom and liberation start rolling in...

Maybe a big part of the relationship is over for you, and you feel relieved?

All the best with it Tala, I hope it all goes smoothly for you.. at the very least you'll be living in very interesting times! ;\)


Edited by spiderbreeder (02/07/09 07:18 AM)
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#19855 - 02/07/09 09:07 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: spiderbreeder]
Fist Moderator Offline
veteran member


Registered: 08/31/07
Posts: 1453
Loc: B'mo Cautious MF
Well, like others here have said, I can't recommend it.

In my experience, bringing someone else into your current relationship will spell the beginning of the end of that relationship.

No matter what they tell you, 'old reliable' will feel threatened (to some degree) by your new toy. For your part, it is all to common for you to spend more time with one than the other.

In your particular MFF relationship, I will assume your guy is straight. Does he get to play with your new toy? How do you feel about this? How will you feel when he gets his own new toy? How will you feel when he brings her home for a 3-way? Will you be ok when he brings one or two of buddies from work home? 'Air tight' anyone?

If you want to know what guys are thinking, look at porn. Every guy secretly wants to try all of that stuff. In fact, most keep a mental tally of things they have done and want to do - even if they only do it once just for kicks. Unless you are down for the project don't give him a reason. Right now he has the moral high ground to make all sorts of demands.

I have seen this all play out dozens of times before. If you are ready to end your relationship you are on the right track.
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I am the Devil and I am here to do the Devil's work.

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#19977 - 02/08/09 03:47 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: daevid777]
Succubus666 Offline
member


Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 161
 Originally Posted By: daevid777
What then, (narrow, close-minded apparently) is your "basis" for a "relationship"? And is he "special" to you anymore? Or just one of the guys or gals that does it for you at the time?


I would consider him my primary partner and anyone else to be secondary. He is special in the sense that he is the person I share my home and life with. We have agreed that any sexual trysts we have happen outside the home, and that our home is our sanctuary. We have rules, for instance that we spend more time with each other than we do with anyone else. I think that the history two people share is a part of what makes the relationship ďspecialĒ or two people special to one another. He has seen me through some of the darkest times in my life, heís always there when I need him, and I do completely love and accept him for who he is and how he is. But when it comes to sexuality, I am extremely attracted to women, and that had just been something that was missing in my life.


 Originally Posted By: daevid777
Honestly, if your boyfriend goes out and fucks some other chick, you're okay with that? And if he does so, over and over again with the same person, possibly eventually liking this person, loving this person, this is fine with you?


Yes, I am honestly completely alright with the idea of him going out and fucking someone else. I would even hope that he enjoys it. To be honest, it took some time for me to become accepting of this idea. A year or two ago I never would have been alright with having an open relationship. But I have let go of my insecurities and am choosing to look at the bigger picture in terms of improving the satisfaction in both of our lives. Now I feel far more liberated and at peace than I ever imagined possible. And, strangely enough, the possibility that he may love another person does not bother me either. Itís not healthy to stifle human emotions, and Iím not running around caught up in some insecure idea that I need to hold onto someone and suffocate them. Itís alright if he sleeps with someone else, itís alright if he loves someone else. I know Iíve done both myself, and it hasnít changed my feelings for him.


 Originally Posted By: daevid777
Who initiated this "polyamorous" thing anyway? It wasn't initially mutual, it never is.... so give up the goods!


I was the one that initiated it when it became clear that a female friend and I were interested in each other on a more intimate level. There was a bit of a fight with my boyfriend over it, because I of course asked for his permission before taking it any further. But we talked it out and realized it would be beneficial for both of us to try being sexually active with other people. Our relationship was having some problems before that, but thatís an entirely different subject matter.

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#19979 - 02/08/09 04:00 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Zoid]
Succubus666 Offline
member


Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 161
 Originally Posted By: Zoid
Have you considered breaking up with your boyfriend and going lesbian all the way?


To be honest this whole situation has brought up questions in my mind of what it would be like to be single again, and whether it would be easier or harder. Iím still on the fence about that. As far as turning into a complete lesbian (oddly enough I had only been dating women for a long time before I started dating my boyfriend), I know that I am genuinely bisexual and enjoy the best of both worlds. There are a lot of people out there that think you have to love one or the other, but my attraction to another person is not based on what they have between their legs.


 Originally Posted By: Zoid
Also, do you really mean polyamory, which implies commitment to multiple people? Or do you actually mean an open relationship with your boyfriend, whereby your boyfriend is the only person you're committed to, but you're permitted to have sex on the side with other people?


The second one. There is no commitment involved with anyone but my boyfriend, so itís just sex on the side with other people. Of course the sex does end up entailing certain emotional involvement, but not to the extent of being in a relationship with more than one person.

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#20016 - 02/08/09 11:58 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
daevid777 Offline
active member


Registered: 08/30/07
Posts: 951
Loc: Hell's Pisshole, Texas
Slippery slopes there Tala...

I'm going with Fist on this one...

If you've even considered the "liberation of being single", I'd say this relationship has run its course...

I'm going to twist the hell out of a Musashi Myamoto quote all to hell, so I apologize in advance:

"Once your opponent begins to move out of the way... you've already won."

I'm taking this way out of context, and manipulating it to fit my need right now... but it's like this...

I've had "good" jobs... I made "good" money... but I can remember at time in at least two of these, when I started to "daydream" about not having to go to this fucking place, and put up with the very minutest of bullshit, that just kinda nipped at me... not even big things.

This develops, or can develop if you let it... and then you find yourself in another job, a "better" or "newer" one... and the romance is back, everything is fresh... and so on...

To sum it up, and I'm consciously aware I'm butchering your responses...

You have problems in your relationship, you begin to have feelings for another person, you initiate a "policy of polyamority", much to the dismay of your current partner, you somehow make him "realize" it's "for the best", and he reluctantly agrees... you daydream about being single, and the liberation and freedom that will bring, but your current partner has been there during rough moments in your life, so there is a level of guilt and/or loyalty to which you cling.

He's an old, comfortable shoe... and you wear it... but someday the sole is going to give... and that, will be that. Might as well cut him loose... while he still has a "soul"...

Looks like a painful road ahead. But that's just my interpretation, you certainly seem to have it figured out, and maybe this thing will work. Good luck.
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Where we're going, we don't need roads.

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#20023 - 02/09/09 12:26 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: daevid777]
annieoracle Offline
stranger


Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 37
Loc: co. waterford, ireland
I have had a bad experiance! I was with a boyfriend for three years and first off we decided to have a three some. All was fine for about six months, then myself and the other girl met up alone alot. The boyfriend did not like this and wanted things to go back to the way it was, just me and him, he gave me a choice... himself or her! It was an extreamly hard choice as i was in love with them both and they said they were in love with me. It was an emotional strain! I decided to stay with her as we had more of a spark. A while later she cheated with a man, I was upset over it! It is so hard for things like that to work out in my opinion. At least one of you or all of you will get hurt!
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Addiction: There is a little monster inside your head that says 'You know you will feel better'

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#20038 - 02/09/09 05:40 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: annieoracle]
Marchioness Offline
stranger


Registered: 02/03/09
Posts: 6
Loc: The Far East
Polyamoury can be a tricky business. In my experience, it only tends to work in the long run if all parties are indeed polyamourous AND if all the lovers are treated equally. Have a 'first' boyfriend or girlfriend and the others will want to move up in rank to suit their vanity.

For me, open relationships suit me perfectly. I prefer not to be chained and do not make a lot of demands of my lovers.


Edited by Marchioness (02/09/09 05:41 AM)
Edit Reason: typo

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#20060 - 02/09/09 03:09 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
Diavolo Offline
RIP
stalker


Registered: 09/02/07
Posts: 4997
Personally I think normal relations are already complicated enough and adding more will only make it more complex. But every relation will at one point fail or fade or just become plain boring so I think you should just do what you feel like doing and enjoy the ride. If it all falls apart in the future, so be it. It could still fall apart even if you totally commit to one partner.

D.

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#20077 - 02/10/09 12:20 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: annieoracle]
Succubus666 Offline
member


Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 161
 Originally Posted By: annieoracle
The boyfriend did not like this and wanted things to go back to the way it was, just me and him, he gave me a choice... himself or her! It was an extreamly hard choice as i was in love with them both and they said they were in love with me. It was an emotional strain! I decided to stay with her as we had more of a spark. A while later she cheated with a man, I was upset over it!

The question is whether or not it would have been any better if you had just decided to have an open relationship with the girl from the beginning. Would it still have been considered cheating if you knew she wanted to be with another man and discussed her feelings with you? Would you have felt better if you were able to join in? Were you really mad because she was dishonest with you, or because it was her desire to involve someone else? I think this is where our egos get involved and we have to realize that virtually no one in the history of mankind has only ever been with one person in their entire lives. We are not monogamous by nature. Of course there are some screwed up religions out there that seek to force this on people, but thatís an entirely separate matter.

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