#19835 - 02/07/09 02:18 AM
Re: Polyamorous Relationships
[Re: Succubus666]
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daevid777
active member
Registered: 08/30/07
Posts: 951
Loc: Hell's Pisshole, Texas
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Morgan got it right...
Polyamorous relationship?
Maybe... like in "My Girlfriend's Girlfriend" - yeah, that sounds nice... in a song. And it's a nice thought, as long as everyone is playing along.
Having separate "lovers" invites "jealousy", and with jealousy, bad things happen.
Honestly, if your boyfriend goes out and fucks some other chick, you're okay with that? And if he does so, over and over again with the same person, possibly eventually liking this person, loving this person, this is fine with you? this would be "polyamorous"...
What then, (narrow, close-minded apparently) is your "basis" for a "relationship"? And is he "special" to you anymore? Or just one of the guys or gals that does it for you at the time?
sounds like it's time to re-evaluate, no one is special, or every possibility is special... sounds promiscuous, and not a "relationship", in a certain definition of the word... that is of my own construct, I'd imagine.
Multiple lovers... sounds great... do I want my multiple lovers to have multiple lovers? Eh, no. So I've decided I should have a harem. Yes, loyal and faithful to me alone... that's polyamorous, at least on my part.
Or is it "poly-sexual"? Polyamorous involves the concept of "love", I think, by definition, or at least by direct translation... can one have "enough" sustainable love for more than one person at a given time... possibly, can another do exactly the same thing, at exactly the same time as you? Odds dwindle.
Who initiated this "polyamorous" thing anyway? It wasn't initially mutual, it never is.... so give up the goods!
_________________________
Where we're going, we don't need roads.
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#19839 - 02/07/09 02:31 AM
Re: Polyamorous Relationships
[Re: daevid777]
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Jake999
senior member
Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 2174
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Polyamory is more of a committed relationship than just a sexual relationship, although in my case, there's definitely a healthy portion of both. Monogamy is hard, and polyamory can give you some permutations of potentials for problems that would make a math wizard break out his abbacus.
But it CAN work. I've been married for 40 years next October, and have been in a polyamoric relationship with my wife and another woman for almost 20 years. There's no sex between them, and her husband isn't imvolved, but we're all connected through that relationship and it's comfortable for us all to travel together and travel apart.
And even with the plurality of that relationship, there's no sense of ownership or possessiveness. We all know that if one of us feels the need to be with someone else outside of our polyamoric group, it's permissible, so long as it's out in the open... or if one of the other people wants to be involved as well, that's an available option too.
_________________________
Bury your dead, pick up your weapon and soldier on.
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#19845 - 02/07/09 06:08 AM
Re: Polyamorous Relationships
[Re: Succubus666]
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Zoid
member
Registered: 01/24/09
Posts: 109
Loc: USA - New Jersey
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My boyfriend and I have been together for four and a half years, and recently decided to change our monogamous relationship to a polyamorous one. I cannot tell you the sense of liberation and freedom I feel, like I can breathe again for the first time in years! I’ve had the most breathtaking lesbian sex of my life and can’t even remember the last time another person has made me feel so sexually satisfied.
Having one wife was more than I could tolerate. Having multiple wives with a husband or two thrown in is my idea of being punished for my sins - and I mean the Satanic ones, beginning with stupidity.
Have you considered breaking up with your boyfriend and going lesbian all the way?
Also, do you really mean polyamory, which implies commitment to multiple people? Or do you actually mean an open relationship with your boyfriend, whereby your boyfriend is the only person you're committed to, but you're permitted to have sex on the side with other people?
Satan, for me, represents Id plus Ego victorious over Superego. Notice I didn't merely say Id, but Id plus Ego, the latter term being a reference to the reality principle, which contains within itself a particular virtue that I personally consider Satanic, namely prudence. Commitment to one person is hard, to two people is doubly hard, to three people is triply hard, and so on.
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#19849 - 02/07/09 07:13 AM
Re: Polyamorous Relationships
[Re: Succubus666]
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spiderbreeder
member
Registered: 11/29/08
Posts: 300
Loc: Sydney,Australia
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Arrangements like that always seem to start out ok, but as time goes on,someone always ends up feeling jealous or threatened in some way- usually the partner who didn't come up with the idea of the polyamorous relationship in the first place,ie; it was an interesting concept proposed to them that they were initially leery of, but in time, came around to the idea and decided to give it a shot.
I think that there would be a higher chance of success in an arrangement like this if the two people concerned were already Polyamorous-minded to begin with.
It's a concept/lifestyle both are familiar with, and are therefore less likely to fall into any insidious"emotional pot-holes" that a couple newer to the concept would be vulnerable to.
Four and a half years.... That's a big chunk out of your life to spend with a person, especially when you're young.
Maybe your same-sex encounter is a personal sign - if it was the most satisfying experience that you can remember having ever, maybe you would be happier embracing that way of life fully?
You also mentioned that you feel "like you can breathe for the first time in years"
I feel exactly the same way at the moment after recently coming out of a 7 year relationship.
You always feel stifled and trapped with someone that you know deep down that your not in love with anymore, and when it's over, that's when the feelings of freedom and liberation start rolling in...
Maybe a big part of the relationship is over for you, and you feel relieved?
All the best with it Tala, I hope it all goes smoothly for you.. at the very least you'll be living in very interesting times! 
Edited by spiderbreeder (02/07/09 07:18 AM)
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REGIE SATANAS!
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#19977 - 02/08/09 03:47 PM
Re: Polyamorous Relationships
[Re: daevid777]
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Succubus666
member
Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 161
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What then, (narrow, close-minded apparently) is your "basis" for a "relationship"? And is he "special" to you anymore? Or just one of the guys or gals that does it for you at the time?
I would consider him my primary partner and anyone else to be secondary. He is special in the sense that he is the person I share my home and life with. We have agreed that any sexual trysts we have happen outside the home, and that our home is our sanctuary. We have rules, for instance that we spend more time with each other than we do with anyone else. I think that the history two people share is a part of what makes the relationship “special” or two people special to one another. He has seen me through some of the darkest times in my life, he’s always there when I need him, and I do completely love and accept him for who he is and how he is. But when it comes to sexuality, I am extremely attracted to women, and that had just been something that was missing in my life.
Honestly, if your boyfriend goes out and fucks some other chick, you're okay with that? And if he does so, over and over again with the same person, possibly eventually liking this person, loving this person, this is fine with you?
Yes, I am honestly completely alright with the idea of him going out and fucking someone else. I would even hope that he enjoys it. To be honest, it took some time for me to become accepting of this idea. A year or two ago I never would have been alright with having an open relationship. But I have let go of my insecurities and am choosing to look at the bigger picture in terms of improving the satisfaction in both of our lives. Now I feel far more liberated and at peace than I ever imagined possible. And, strangely enough, the possibility that he may love another person does not bother me either. It’s not healthy to stifle human emotions, and I’m not running around caught up in some insecure idea that I need to hold onto someone and suffocate them. It’s alright if he sleeps with someone else, it’s alright if he loves someone else. I know I’ve done both myself, and it hasn’t changed my feelings for him.
Who initiated this "polyamorous" thing anyway? It wasn't initially mutual, it never is.... so give up the goods!
I was the one that initiated it when it became clear that a female friend and I were interested in each other on a more intimate level. There was a bit of a fight with my boyfriend over it, because I of course asked for his permission before taking it any further. But we talked it out and realized it would be beneficial for both of us to try being sexually active with other people. Our relationship was having some problems before that, but that’s an entirely different subject matter.
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#19979 - 02/08/09 04:00 PM
Re: Polyamorous Relationships
[Re: Zoid]
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Succubus666
member
Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 161
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Have you considered breaking up with your boyfriend and going lesbian all the way?
To be honest this whole situation has brought up questions in my mind of what it would be like to be single again, and whether it would be easier or harder. I’m still on the fence about that. As far as turning into a complete lesbian (oddly enough I had only been dating women for a long time before I started dating my boyfriend), I know that I am genuinely bisexual and enjoy the best of both worlds. There are a lot of people out there that think you have to love one or the other, but my attraction to another person is not based on what they have between their legs.
Also, do you really mean polyamory, which implies commitment to multiple people? Or do you actually mean an open relationship with your boyfriend, whereby your boyfriend is the only person you're committed to, but you're permitted to have sex on the side with other people?
The second one. There is no commitment involved with anyone but my boyfriend, so it’s just sex on the side with other people. Of course the sex does end up entailing certain emotional involvement, but not to the extent of being in a relationship with more than one person.
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#20016 - 02/08/09 11:58 PM
Re: Polyamorous Relationships
[Re: Succubus666]
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daevid777
active member
Registered: 08/30/07
Posts: 951
Loc: Hell's Pisshole, Texas
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Slippery slopes there Tala...
I'm going with Fist on this one...
If you've even considered the "liberation of being single", I'd say this relationship has run its course...
I'm going to twist the hell out of a Musashi Myamoto quote all to hell, so I apologize in advance:
"Once your opponent begins to move out of the way... you've already won."
I'm taking this way out of context, and manipulating it to fit my need right now... but it's like this...
I've had "good" jobs... I made "good" money... but I can remember at time in at least two of these, when I started to "daydream" about not having to go to this fucking place, and put up with the very minutest of bullshit, that just kinda nipped at me... not even big things.
This develops, or can develop if you let it... and then you find yourself in another job, a "better" or "newer" one... and the romance is back, everything is fresh... and so on...
To sum it up, and I'm consciously aware I'm butchering your responses...
You have problems in your relationship, you begin to have feelings for another person, you initiate a "policy of polyamority", much to the dismay of your current partner, you somehow make him "realize" it's "for the best", and he reluctantly agrees... you daydream about being single, and the liberation and freedom that will bring, but your current partner has been there during rough moments in your life, so there is a level of guilt and/or loyalty to which you cling.
He's an old, comfortable shoe... and you wear it... but someday the sole is going to give... and that, will be that. Might as well cut him loose... while he still has a "soul"...
Looks like a painful road ahead. But that's just my interpretation, you certainly seem to have it figured out, and maybe this thing will work. Good luck.
_________________________
Where we're going, we don't need roads.
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