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#20078 - 02/10/09 12:34 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Diavolo]
Succubus666 Offline
member


Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 161
 Originally Posted By: Diavolo
Personally I think normal relations are already complicated enough and adding more will only make it more complex.


When I started this thread I decided to go with the word “polyamorous” rather than “polygamist” because the latter would imply being committed to more than one person. I only have commitments to one person, the rest are there for sexual and intellectual pleasure. I don’t necessarily think that having these interactions with other people will complicate things anymore than having more friends would complicate things. In some manners I just happen to have very specific types of friendships. As a side note, I definitely think it’s something that LaVey would give his seal of approval to.


 Originally Posted By: Diavolo
If it all falls apart in the future, so be it. It could still fall apart even if you totally commit to one partner.


I completely agree with you on that. Relationships do get boring and tedious over time. Sooner or later you have to do things to spice it up, explore new boundaries and so forth. Recently I have been giving more and more consideration to what it would be like to be single again, whether it would give me a greater sense of freedom and peace. Honestly I was a bit surprised by many of the responses here leaning toward the thought of impending failure. There really is something to be said for unbiased opinions.

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#20079 - 02/10/09 12:48 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
6Satan6Archist6 Offline
stalker


Registered: 10/16/08
Posts: 2509
I have always been ok with my girlfriends having "flings" with other women so long as I get to watch every now and then. I am selfish and don't like to share, so I would never be ok with them sleeping with another man but I am also extremely turned on by seeing two women have sex. Some would disagree with me but I think there is a difference between my girlfriend sleeping with another women and her sleeping with another man. Double standard? Perhaps, but that is the way I feel and there need not be any rationale behind it.

Yes there is the possibility of her getting emotionally attached, but it is not a concern, and at the same time, there is also the chance she could find someone else just through normal everyday encounters. If I was so insecure about our relationship that I was worried she was going to leave me for someone else I wouldn't be in that relationship to begin with.

If you can make it work, good, more power to you. Just keep in mind that people are very jealous creatures by nature even though some hide it better than others and as others have already stated; there is a good chance this will blow up in your face.
_________________________
No gods. No masters.

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#20080 - 02/10/09 02:37 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
Diavolo Offline
RIP
stalker


Registered: 09/02/07
Posts: 4997
In my view sexual or intellectual interactions that go deeper than the 'hit and run' type are relations. They might not be as 'deep' or 'serious' as what people consider a real relation but eventually they'll suffer the same problems. Personally I think that even having friends is complicated.

I think of it as a impending failure not only because of the number of people involved but because most relations just fail in the end. Still, the realization of the temporariness should not be a factor in the decision to go for something or not. Joy is joy.

I myself am in a relation for about two years now but most of the time function as a single. During the weekends I switch to an alternate reality where I am the partner of someone and live with her, during the week I am living alone. The day I realized one does not need to have a relation and if, one does not need to have a relation-relation as defined out there was quite liberating. If your relation works for you like this, you go girl.

D.

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#20088 - 02/10/09 07:25 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Diavolo]
Morgan Offline
Princess of Hell
stalker


Registered: 08/29/07
Posts: 2956
Loc: New York City
"I think this is where our egos get involved and we have to realize that virtually no one in the history of mankind has only ever been with one person in their entire lives. We are not monogamous by nature."

I don't think this is a true statement.
Some people have been with the same person their whole life. I can look back at my ansetors in my family as examples of that.
Some people are monogamous by nature, just like some animals are.
It all comes down to the individual.
I would much rather be with one stable person than many.

"I only have commitments to one person, the rest are there for sexual and intellectual pleasure."

Maybe because I am older, I dont see the use in one night stands. I'm over that. I have my friends for intellectual pleasures.
I am much more picky and desire the best of both worlds thus a Lover with a Brain or no deal.

"If I was so insecure about our relationship that I was worried she was going to leave me for someone else I wouldn't be in that relationship to begin with."

Yes, this is the jist of trust in a relationship. If you have to be overly worried then maybe your in the wrong kind of relationships.

"If your relation works for you like this, you go girl."

That's all there is to it.
Whatever works for you and makes you happy, go forth and do.

Have fun,
Morgan
_________________________
Courage Conquering Fear
Fuck em if they can't take a joke
Don't Like What I Say, Kiss My Ass



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#20091 - 02/10/09 08:24 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Morgan]
Succubus666 Offline
member


Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 161
 Originally Posted By: Morgan
I don't think this is a true statement.
Some people have been with the same person their whole life. I can look back at my ansetors in my family as examples of that.


I think the real question would be whether or not they wanted to stay with only one partner, or if they only did so only because the evolution of our species eventually made mating more convenient in that manner. Do you think that none of your ancestors had affairs? Would they really have let it out in the open if they were swingers? It’s safe to say they likely fantasized about other people. And if you go back to tribal times, all the women wanted to mate with the alpha male, the best hunter and provider. It was primal instinct to do that, and that was what women in many tribes did. Even those with mates often found their way into the alpha male’s bed, wanting to be the bearer of the greatest seed.


 Originally Posted By: Morgan
Maybe because I am older, I dont see the use in one night stands. I'm over that. I have my friends for intellectual pleasures.
I am much more picky and desire the best of both worlds thus a Lover with a Brain or no deal.


Since the relationship with my boyfriend became open, I have honestly given no thought to having a one night stand. The people I have become involved with on a sexual level are people I respect on an intellectual level and would also consider friends. So I know what you mean. A pretty body does nothing for me unless there is some sort of intelligence attached to it.

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#20092 - 02/10/09 08:34 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
candyjesus Offline
stranger


Registered: 03/07/08
Posts: 43
Loc: NY
My friend and her husband have had an open relationship for as long as I can remember. They recently brought in a girl who was supposed to assume her roll as the 3rd party- but ended up stirring up some major trouble. He decided he liked the new girl better- Newer model, less mileage, etc.

People always like to encroach on sovereign territories. Girls especially make games out of it. While every relationship can stand a little jealousy fuel- just make sure you can handle it [mentally] if it all comes crumbling down.

As for my experience- Every girl I've dated has eventually turned out to be a stalking psychopath ala single white female or a bar-bi attention whore so I've given up.

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#20094 - 02/10/09 10:30 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
daevid777 Offline
active member


Registered: 08/30/07
Posts: 951
Loc: Hell's Pisshole, Texas
I hate to sound like an old boring fart on this, but I'm gonna do it anyway...

I need some ammo first:

I agree with Diavolo on this:
 Quote:
In my view sexual or intellectual interactions that go deeper than the 'hit and run' type are relations. They might not be as 'deep' or 'serious' as what people consider a real relation but eventually they'll suffer the same problems. Personally I think that even having friends is complicated.


To me, "intellectual stimulation" plus good times plus sex = relationship... no matter how you slice it. Placing all this in some sort of hierarchy is a difficult task, I'm sure. I will recant my previous statement of "impossible", but I will say "a hell of a lot of "work"...

And what Morgan posted:
 Quote:
I would much rather be with one stable person than many.


"Crazies" can be good times... but again, more issues, more things to consider... more "work"... that can get old quick as well. Shooting stars... lots of wishes, but it just burns out.

And, now forgive me once again:
 Quote:
And if you go back to tribal times, all the women wanted to mate with the alpha male, the best hunter and provider. It was primal instinct to do that, and that was what women in many tribes did.


In a "serious, long term relationship", here's how it works - Guy's (*ahem*)... you're the Alpha male. You have been the Alpha male since the thing started, if you're in a "monogamous" relationship. You are the chosen one. Now it's your job to see that you remain that way - you've already done something right, so try to remember why she liked your sorry ass in the first place... if it's just for looks, you're pretty much fucked.

Otherwise, you've got to be smarter ever day, more caring everyday, stronger every day, you've got to be a provider, a poet, an intellect, an amateur astromoner, a good cook, an excellent masseuse, and a professional porn star - you've got to give her all your attention when she needs it, and leave her the fuck alone when she needs it, and you need to know the difference of the two, you need to bring her flowers, and jewelry, candy and puzzles, you have to be a comedian, and you need to know how to write and spell, you need ambition, but it can't interfere in your personal life. You need to know about her interests, and educate her on yours. You need to be able to watch her favorite TV shows, and try for the life of you to enjoy them as well. You need to give her space, but you need to be always where she can reach you if she really needs you.

I'm only writing this from one perspective... so if you too want a special relationship, then you will be the Alpha male, and she will be your Alpha Female, and nothing can stop you... oh yeah, and no one's going to fuck with her man - she'll attack a man twice her size for you, and will stop at nothing to keep you with her.

It's a lot of work as well, and it's not for everyone, but this too, is not impossible...


Not into that? - one night stand doesn't sound so bad...
_________________________
Where we're going, we don't need roads.

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#20098 - 02/10/09 10:46 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: daevid777]
ZephyrGirl Offline
R.I.P.
active member


Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 706
Loc: Adelaide Australia
It must be the hidden romantic in me Daevil, but that is what I expect out of a 'husband' partner or lover. Seems to me that I have yet to meet the right one, as they seem to slip later if not sooner.

Zeph
_________________________
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass -
It's about learning to dance in the rain.


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#20101 - 02/10/09 11:18 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: ZephyrGirl]
daevid777 Offline
active member


Registered: 08/30/07
Posts: 951
Loc: Hell's Pisshole, Texas
Well, Zeph...

Here I am... ta Dah..!!!

kidding... well, I don't know, I'm just glad I'm looking at that horrid ass-ugly dog on the image thread, instead of slipping back into madness...

"Alpha males" get their assumed title in other "nature" by simply being the strongest, which, animalistically (a word?) is quite suiting. The strongest Lion offers security and protection, and that protection is certainly worth a good shagging.

In "Human" nature, the "Alpha male" is often regarded in terms of this same animalistic nature, however wrongly so, in my opinion.

Although there still remains certain "primal aspects", Sympathetic nervous system, etc., the word "strength" might have different connotations in humans. More money (protection/security) - as defined by a nice home, an expensive car, clothing; social/political status. Physical strenght - Kung Fu Master (I loved that game)... whatever.

The human "heart", I say in quotes with great care, is indeed a fickle and different organ altogether. Physical attractiveness often plays a part, but sensitivities, vanities, "love"...

I was just offering my advice - I hope some take it. I've very limitedly offered this advice in private, and I hope if some male readers are actually "looking for love", they might just listen enough to get something out of it.

Women aren't safe in this as well, just because I was focusing on a "man's work"... you ladies gotta step up, too.

By saying all of this, I'm totally wrecking the "polyamorous thread" to hell, and I apologize.

Perhaps some enlightened one will bring us back on topic, sorry for the sideshow interruption - not you Zeph, your post was totally applicable, I think. And thanks.
_________________________
Where we're going, we don't need roads.

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#20104 - 02/10/09 11:45 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: daevid777]
Jake999 Offline
senior member


Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 2230
I dunno, Daevid... Polyamory REAL Polyamory and not just "having a woman on the side" requires pretty much all of those Alpha Male prerequisites x2 and sometimes at the same time. You're just as committed to not hurting your secondary as you are your primary, and sometimes that means that you have to learn to be as flexible faster than a one armed man juggling three chainsaws.

It ain't easy. My secondary lives 400 miles away, and that's hard. I don't really know how some of the people in polyamorphic lifestyles deal with it day after day when it's all in one home.
_________________________
Bury your dead, pick up your weapon and soldier on.


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#20105 - 02/10/09 11:51 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: daevid777]
spiderbreeder Offline
member


Registered: 11/29/08
Posts: 300
Loc: Sydney,Australia
Daevil, that was beautifully written.

Where the hell are all the guys like you in Australia?

Looks like I might have to relocate to Texas... ;\)


Edited by spiderbreeder (02/10/09 11:51 PM)
_________________________
REGIE SATANAS!

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#20116 - 02/11/09 02:50 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
Morgan Offline
Princess of Hell
stalker


Registered: 08/29/07
Posts: 2956
Loc: New York City
It just sounds like your trying to justify your actions, but twisting what I said. It doesn't matter cause they are all dead.

The end result is the same, you theory is not my truth.

"The people I have become involved with on a sexual level are people I respect on an intellectual level and would also consider friends."

When you fuck friends, it changes everything.
Friendship, as it was said is complicated as it is.

It can either work, or crash and burn.

Morgan
_________________________
Courage Conquering Fear
Fuck em if they can't take a joke
Don't Like What I Say, Kiss My Ass



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#20121 - 02/11/09 05:07 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: daevid777]
ceruleansteel Offline
active member


Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 784
Loc: Behind you
Bleh.

I was that female. I would fight to the death for "my man" and I got fucked in the end...and not in a fun way.

I played the good woman role, and I loved every minute of it...but it was a complete lie and so far no one has proved it wrong.

So until someone DOES...whatever. I say to each his own and I'll just do my thing. I wouldn't like to share, personally, (to bring this sort of back into the realm of the original thread), because there is no way in hell I would settle for ANTYHING LESS than the alpha female...and I'd be pretty damned offended if someone suggested it(sharing), but I have stopped expecting anything nearing my own consideration. I think that "the times they are a-changin'" and perhaps I'm not "modern" enough.

fuck that, too, though.

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#20125 - 02/11/09 05:16 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Jake999]
daevid777 Offline
active member


Registered: 08/30/07
Posts: 951
Loc: Hell's Pisshole, Texas
Still, Jake, you realize these are good traits to at least attempt to live by...? X2?

You're a bigger man than me, with a mind that can keep track of all the wants and needs of two instead of the one. Respect.

good for you!
_________________________
Where we're going, we don't need roads.

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#20126 - 02/11/09 05:20 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: spiderbreeder]
daevid777 Offline
active member


Registered: 08/30/07
Posts: 951
Loc: Hell's Pisshole, Texas
don't relocate... people in Texas are assholes too...

I think I'm the last "romantic", and that is reserved for my sweet...

Guy's have the potential to suck in all continents...

(I'm telling you now gentlemen... take heed!)
_________________________
Where we're going, we don't need roads.

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