#20271 - 02/12/09 02:59 PM
Re: Polyamorous Relationships
[Re: daevid777]
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Master Magick
pledge
Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 58
Loc: New York, USA
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Not all polyamorous relationships are equal cause theres a few different paths to approach the whole situation from. Alot of how it works out of course depends on the couple that starts the journey and who they get involved with...
You can have an "open" (for lack of a better term) relationship where you are the primary couple but both of you have the option to have sexual encounters with others. Notice the word encounters though. Meaning other people are for Sex. You and your partner are primary and the others are for fun. That's it. You don't go visit their families, take vacations with them, buy them real birthday presents, or have long weekends discussing Satanism, baseball and opera over milk n cookies.
A little easier to maintain, cause its just for fun. Not that you can't be friends but the emotional involvement needs to be at a low level. No matter what you do, almost inevitably, one of you will become more attached to one of these playmates and then the "fun" begins. Not that it still can't work out. Been there. But its very tricky!
Option 2 is where you have "additional" (again for lack of a better word) partners. People who you are involved with on a deeper level than just for sex/fun. Much harder to keep your primary relationship together here. Almost inevitably (as has been pointed out by others) one of you ends up jealous or leaves with or without the formerly secondary partner over percieved differences in the status of the other partners.
Both of those circumstances of course are assuming you have a "real" relationship going in the first place. Otherwise you are trying out Option #3: You are just dating or good friends/F-buddies with your partner and also playing the field. Thats not really polyamoury anyway, its just poly-sluttery 
Finally just an observation. If you are or have been in the fetish or leather scenes and play publicly, you already carry on a form of polyamorous relationship with anyone you scene with who is not your partner. Probably one of the reasons it's not as uncommon to find people in 'the scene' also in successful polyamorous relationships. Same would probably apply to sex industry workers, but this is just based on personal observation, not actual stats.
Bottom line: PARs not recommended for the wimpy or those emotionally/intellectually under the age of 30something, and even then think twice and handle w/care.
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Magick
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#20547 - 02/16/09 11:54 PM
Re: Polyamorous Relationships
[Re: daevid777]
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Succubus666
member
Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 161
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Those of you who forecasted jealousy were correct to some degree. Oddly enough it was the two people getting the most enjoyment out of this (my two new partners who together are in a relationship) that have wound up having feelings of jealousy and insecurity. The way I understand it, there were underlying problems in their relationship to begin with and the sex was being used as a sort of “escape” so as not to have to deal with the problems. Personally I am still content to carry on the relationship as is, but am sincerely hoping that whatever issues there are between the two of them get sorted out and I don’t end up getting hurt because of someone else’s insecurity. Evidently I am the first person to join them in bed that they have an emotional attachment to and some of the confusion is about how to reconcile that.
I cannot tell if we’ve taken a step forward in discussing these issues, or a step backward in putting issues out there. The last talk we had, the relationship moved to a point where I am able to officially call her my “girlfriend” and we both have our own boyfriends. I am continuing to fall in love with this girl. At the same time, the night we had that talk, it was the first night that we did not have sex because there were so many complications (she said that ninety percent of it had to do with the fact that she was on her period and wouldn’t enjoy the sex anyway). I’ve taken Depo-Provera, the birth control needle, for ten years now and haven’t gotten my period in all that time, so I do forget what it’s like to be “not in the mood” for that reason. The way I left the night, I couldn’t tell whether we were getting closer together or further apart.
Maybe polyamorous relationships aren’t all that different from regular relationships in terms of the emotions involved. Right now all I know is that I’m falling head over heels for a girl and I would be willing to do whatever it takes to make all of the wrong things in her life right. Unfortunately, there are certain things that only she can fix, and it makes for a very emotional situation.
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#20614 - 02/17/09 12:17 PM
Re: Polyamorous Relationships
[Re: Diavolo]
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Dimitri
veteran member
Registered: 07/13/08
Posts: 1357
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I'm not going to comment on a lot, shit happens but you should be very careful right now. As you mentioned, you are falling head over heels for her. Some call that love, others lust, I call it chemicals. Whatever it is, it will cloud your decisions and your emotions. It will be very hard to take rational decisions, you'll be convinced you are doing what you must do but in fact, you might be doing what your chemicals tell you to do, which isn't always in your best interest.
I'd keep it to this part, but to be honest...
Do what you feel like YOU should do.
Only keep in mind one has to pay it's own price for it's own mistakes.
_________________________
You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.
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#20644 - 02/17/09 08:10 PM
Re: Polyamorous Relationships
[Re: spiderbreeder]
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Morgan
senior member
Registered: 08/29/07
Posts: 2303
Loc: New York City
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That tattoo will hurt a lot. I have a sandscrit mantra tattooed there. I didnt get the lotus done above it because it felt like I was being stabbed each time the needle went down into my flesh.
The bottom line was, this was supposed to be about sex.
You turned good sex into this love feeling. What if in all honestly, its all just in your head and she just wants sex.
Does the guy you are living with know how you feel about the new girl?
No matter what relationship I am in, I come first. If they want the whole selfless bullshit, they can go get a subbie chickie. I will either have my equal or none. Equal means equal compromise.
Girl, your only maybe fucking her for a week or 2 and you want to fix her life. Shit, its hard enough to fix your own life. Try losing 10 pounds, and how much effort it takes to do that.
ALSO!!!!!!!
You fell for her as she was. What right do you have to fix her or change her?
If she isnt what you want as is, then she isnt for you.
This is what fucks people.....
You can't change or fix anyone. Accept them for how they are or move the fuck along.
People are not a science project.
Shit... I wish the last guy I was involved with, just stayed the same stable person I knew, and didnt fucking change into something else.
Your a big girl, do as you wish, but asking for more advioce here is pointless. YOu will as as you will.
Good Luck,
Morgan
_________________________
Courage Conquering Fear
Fuck em if they can't take a joke
Don't Like What I Say, Kiss My Ass.
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#20739 - 02/18/09 02:07 PM
Re: Polyamorous Relationships
[Re: Morgan]
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Succubus666
member
Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 161
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That tattoo will hurt a lot. I have a sandscrit mantra tattooed there. I didnt get the lotus done above it because it felt like I was being stabbed each time the needle went down into my flesh.
It felt like someone took a pair of sharpened tweezers and ripped out individual pieces of pubic hair, only in a fast motion. However, the vibration of the tattoo needle was rather stimulating, and I wasn’t expecting that. So the whole ordeal was something like being caught between wanting to cringe and wanting to have an orgasm. I think it had something to do with the way his hand was positioned with the tattoo needle. I will post some pictures of it once it’s healed. He did an excellent job and it’s the same artist that did the demonic fairy wings on my back.
ALSO!!!!!!!
You fell for her as she was. What right do you have to fix her or change her?
I really feel like I need to clarify that statement. I never said that I wanted to fix or change HER, I just want to help her deal with some of the external circumstances in her life. There’s a huge difference between wanting to change someone and wanting to help them deal with some of the difficult issues they are having. Also, we may have only been fucking for a few weeks, but we were close friends long before that. And she was very open in telling me she loved me before the idea every came into my head.
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#20795 - 02/19/09 01:10 PM
Re: Polyamorous Relationships
[Re: Succubus666]
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Master Magick
pledge
Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 58
Loc: New York, USA
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Jeeze Tala, come on.....
Pull up your britches, and run away from this whole vampire energy sucking drama.
Best advice - no matter how youre feeling at the moment... you'll more likely be happy you did later. But it's always got to be your choice.
Those of you who forecasted jealousy were correct to some degree.
Happens every time.
I am continuing to fall in love with this girl.
Enjoy it if you can, but realize as the 'alternate' in an existing relationship, no matter how you feel you're going to be in the back seat for a long time if not always. Unless of course you both take the route of ditching your current partners for eachother.
Maybe polyamorous relationships aren’t all that different from regular relationships
They are no different except for the fact that they are a helluva lot more hard to handle.
I’m falling head over heels for a girl and I would be willing to do whatever it takes to make all of the wrong things in her life right.
You can't do that as has already been pointed out. You can be yourself and if that makes her happier that's as close as it gets.
Pull up your britches, and run away from this whole vampire energy sucking drama. I understand what you’re trying to say, but on a grander scale aren’t all relationships bound to drain one’s energy at some point?
No. Not if what you are doing is your choice and you are getting what you want out of the relationship. Not to say that it doesn't happen to everyone. If anyone tells you it hasn't they are lying or never been in a serious relationship. The important part is realizing when it's happening and doing something about it. Sounds like you need to make a choice before you hurt yourself. Either way, Good luck.
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Magick
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