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#20127 - 02/11/09 05:30 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: daevid777]
spiderbreeder Offline
member


Registered: 11/29/08
Posts: 300
Loc: Sydney,Australia
Don't worry , your safe Daevil... ;\)

And your right, there are assholes of all shapes and sizes littering the planet of which I am only too aware...

In fact- I might be one of them.

It was just nice to hear a guy come out with all you said for a change....
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REGIE SATANAS!

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#20271 - 02/12/09 02:59 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: daevid777]
Master Magick Offline
pledge


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 63
Loc: New York, USA
Not all polyamorous relationships are equal cause theres a few different paths to approach the whole situation from. Alot of how it works out of course depends on the couple that starts the journey and who they get involved with...

You can have an "open" (for lack of a better term) relationship where you are the primary couple but both of you have the option to have sexual encounters with others. Notice the word encounters though. Meaning other people are for Sex. You and your partner are primary and the others are for fun. That's it. You don't go visit their families, take vacations with them, buy them real birthday presents, or have long weekends discussing Satanism, baseball and opera over milk n cookies.
A little easier to maintain, cause its just for fun. Not that you can't be friends but the emotional involvement needs to be at a low level. No matter what you do, almost inevitably, one of you will become more attached to one of these playmates and then the "fun" begins. Not that it still can't work out. Been there. But its very tricky!

Option 2 is where you have "additional" (again for lack of a better word) partners. People who you are involved with on a deeper level than just for sex/fun. Much harder to keep your primary relationship together here. Almost inevitably (as has been pointed out by others) one of you ends up jealous or leaves with or without the formerly secondary partner over percieved differences in the status of the other partners.

Both of those circumstances of course are assuming you have a "real" relationship going in the first place. Otherwise you are trying out Option #3: You are just dating or good friends/F-buddies with your partner and also playing the field. Thats not really polyamoury anyway, its just poly-sluttery ;\)

Finally just an observation. If you are or have been in the fetish or leather scenes and play publicly, you already carry on a form of polyamorous relationship with anyone you scene with who is not your partner. Probably one of the reasons it's not as uncommon to find people in 'the scene' also in successful polyamorous relationships. Same would probably apply to sex industry workers, but this is just based on personal observation, not actual stats.

Bottom line: PARs not recommended for the wimpy or those emotionally/intellectually under the age of 30something, and even then think twice and handle w/care.
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Magick

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#20272 - 02/12/09 03:03 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Morgan]
Succubus666 Offline
member


Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 161
 Originally Posted By: Morgan
It just sounds like your trying to justify your actions, but twisting what I said. It doesn't matter cause they are all dead.

Sorry if it sounded that way. I wasnít trying to twist anything you said, just expounding on it a bit because the truth is that one can never know for sure. Iíve had a lot of experiences with people acting one way in public and entirely different in private, so Iíve become somewhat cynical when it comes to the idea that things are what they seem. I definitely think there are people out there who are geared toward monogamy, but simply feel that the majority of human beings will not meet their deaths having had sexual intercourse with only one person. The world as Iíve come to see it (again, just my own opinion) just doesnít work that way.

I also donít think this is a situation in which oneís actions need to be justified. Most people on this forum wouldnít have a problem understanding the appeal of more than one sexual partner. We are Satanists, after all.

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#20284 - 02/12/09 07:45 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
Morgan Offline
Princess of Hell
stalker


Registered: 08/29/07
Posts: 2956
Loc: New York City
"I also donít think this is a situation in which oneís actions need to be justified. Most people on this forum wouldnít have a problem understanding the appeal of more than one sexual partner. We are Satanists, after all."

Being a Satanist, and wanting to fuck multiple people at the same time are two different things.

You asked for opinions, you were given opinions.
Now decide what you are going to do.

Master Magick, myself, as well as many others gave valuable insight into their thoughts and situations.

Good Luck......

Morgan
_________________________
Courage Conquering Fear
Fuck em if they can't take a joke
Don't Like What I Say, Kiss My Ass



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#20547 - 02/16/09 11:54 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: daevid777]
Succubus666 Offline
member


Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 161
Those of you who forecasted jealousy were correct to some degree. Oddly enough it was the two people getting the most enjoyment out of this (my two new partners who together are in a relationship) that have wound up having feelings of jealousy and insecurity. The way I understand it, there were underlying problems in their relationship to begin with and the sex was being used as a sort of ďescapeĒ so as not to have to deal with the problems. Personally I am still content to carry on the relationship as is, but am sincerely hoping that whatever issues there are between the two of them get sorted out and I donít end up getting hurt because of someone elseís insecurity. Evidently I am the first person to join them in bed that they have an emotional attachment to and some of the confusion is about how to reconcile that.

I cannot tell if weíve taken a step forward in discussing these issues, or a step backward in putting issues out there. The last talk we had, the relationship moved to a point where I am able to officially call her my ďgirlfriendĒ and we both have our own boyfriends. I am continuing to fall in love with this girl. At the same time, the night we had that talk, it was the first night that we did not have sex because there were so many complications (she said that ninety percent of it had to do with the fact that she was on her period and wouldnít enjoy the sex anyway). Iíve taken Depo-Provera, the birth control needle, for ten years now and havenít gotten my period in all that time, so I do forget what itís like to be ďnot in the moodĒ for that reason. The way I left the night, I couldnít tell whether we were getting closer together or further apart.

Maybe polyamorous relationships arenít all that different from regular relationships in terms of the emotions involved. Right now all I know is that Iím falling head over heels for a girl and I would be willing to do whatever it takes to make all of the wrong things in her life right. Unfortunately, there are certain things that only she can fix, and it makes for a very emotional situation.

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#20556 - 02/17/09 12:48 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
daevid777 Offline
active member


Registered: 08/30/07
Posts: 951
Loc: Hell's Pisshole, Texas



Edited by daevid777 (02/17/09 12:57 AM)
Edit Reason: not really a quote...
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#20559 - 02/17/09 12:56 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
spiderbreeder Offline
member


Registered: 11/29/08
Posts: 300
Loc: Sydney,Australia
She's the only one that can fix "all the wrong things in her life" Tala, your definitely heading for heartbreak if you think you can fix it all for her...

I'd take a huge step back from the whole situation, emotionally disengage myself from it as much as I could, and try to view the situation as it really is.

How well do you know these people?

How do you know that "you're the first one that has joined them in bed that they have an emotional attachment to" isn't the line that they use on everybody?

Just check out what this girl's true motives are.

Is she getting a hell of a lot more out of this than you are- what's in it for her, at your expense?

If these people are getting more out of this situation than you are, and overall, the whole thing has ceased to be enjoyable for you, get out of there as quickly as you can. you owe youself nothing less. ;\)
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REGIE SATANAS!

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#20571 - 02/17/09 01:50 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: spiderbreeder]
Morgan Offline
Princess of Hell
stalker


Registered: 08/29/07
Posts: 2956
Loc: New York City
Jeeze Tala, come on.....

Pull up your britches, and run away from this whole vampire energy sucking drama.

Your better that this whole fucking thread post...


Morgan
_________________________
Courage Conquering Fear
Fuck em if they can't take a joke
Don't Like What I Say, Kiss My Ass



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#20587 - 02/17/09 05:30 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
Diavolo Offline
RIP
stalker


Registered: 09/02/07
Posts: 4997
I'm not going to comment on a lot, shit happens but you should be very careful right now. As you mentioned, you are falling head over heels for her. Some call that love, others lust, I call it chemicals. Whatever it is, it will cloud your decisions and your emotions. It will be very hard to take rational decisions, you'll be convinced you are doing what you must do but in fact, you might be doing what your chemicals tell you to do, which isn't always in your best interest. See it a bit like someone recovering from an addiction like smoking and how they start to have rational reasons for starting again; like there not being a guarantee they'll get cancer or they might get hit by a bus tomorrow. If I'm not mistaking this was about sex when it started and now you feel like fixing things in her life. If sex was the key factor in your exploration of the polyamorous, I suggest you move on to a next sexual partner.

D.

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#20614 - 02/17/09 12:17 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Diavolo]
Dimitri Offline
stalker


Registered: 07/13/08
Posts: 3151
 Quote:
I'm not going to comment on a lot, shit happens but you should be very careful right now. As you mentioned, you are falling head over heels for her. Some call that love, others lust, I call it chemicals. Whatever it is, it will cloud your decisions and your emotions. It will be very hard to take rational decisions, you'll be convinced you are doing what you must do but in fact, you might be doing what your chemicals tell you to do, which isn't always in your best interest.

I'd keep it to this part, but to be honest...
Do what you feel like YOU should do.
Only keep in mind one has to pay it's own price for it's own mistakes.
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Ut vivat, crescat et floreat

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#20628 - 02/17/09 05:03 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Morgan]
Succubus666 Offline
member


Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 161
 Originally Posted By: Morgan
Pull up your britches, and run away from this whole vampire energy sucking drama.

I understand what youíre trying to say, but on a grander scale arenít all relationships bound to drain oneís energy at some point? Being in a relationship requires in part that you become selfless and make another personís needs somewhere close to being as important as your own. Surely the monogamist in you would understand that and what the meaning of partnership is. New relationships especially can be filled with drama, a method humans have developed to ďtest the waterĒ and find out where the boundaries are. I know that personally Iíve had too much drama in my past and will do just about everything I can to avoid it, but shit happens sometimes. Diavolo could be right, it could just be the chemicals talking on certain levels.

All I know for sure is that in a couple of hours Iím getting a baphomet tattooed on my crotch. ;\)

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#20640 - 02/17/09 07:53 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
spiderbreeder Offline
member


Registered: 11/29/08
Posts: 300
Loc: Sydney,Australia
I hope it turns out beautifully Tala.

I want to get a Baph' tatt too, on the back of my neck , I'm still casting around for the "right" person to do it though!

Good luck with all the other stuff too... ;\)
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REGIE SATANAS!

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#20644 - 02/17/09 08:10 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: spiderbreeder]
Morgan Offline
Princess of Hell
stalker


Registered: 08/29/07
Posts: 2956
Loc: New York City
That tattoo will hurt a lot. I have a sandscrit mantra tattooed there. I didnt get the lotus done above it because it felt like I was being stabbed each time the needle went down into my flesh.

The bottom line was, this was supposed to be about sex.

You turned good sex into this love feeling. What if in all honestly, its all just in your head and she just wants sex.

Does the guy you are living with know how you feel about the new girl?

No matter what relationship I am in, I come first. If they want the whole selfless bullshit, they can go get a subbie chickie. I will either have my equal or none. Equal means equal compromise.

Girl, your only maybe fucking her for a week or 2 and you want to fix her life. Shit, its hard enough to fix your own life. Try losing 10 pounds, and how much effort it takes to do that.

ALSO!!!!!!!
You fell for her as she was. What right do you have to fix her or change her?
If she isnt what you want as is, then she isnt for you.

This is what fucks people.....

You can't change or fix anyone. Accept them for how they are or move the fuck along.
People are not a science project.

Shit... I wish the last guy I was involved with, just stayed the same stable person I knew, and didnt fucking change into something else.

Your a big girl, do as you wish, but asking for more advioce here is pointless. YOu will as as you will.

Good Luck,
Morgan
_________________________
Courage Conquering Fear
Fuck em if they can't take a joke
Don't Like What I Say, Kiss My Ass



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#20739 - 02/18/09 02:07 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Morgan]
Succubus666 Offline
member


Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 161
 Originally Posted By: Morgan
That tattoo will hurt a lot. I have a sandscrit mantra tattooed there. I didnt get the lotus done above it because it felt like I was being stabbed each time the needle went down into my flesh.

It felt like someone took a pair of sharpened tweezers and ripped out individual pieces of pubic hair, only in a fast motion. However, the vibration of the tattoo needle was rather stimulating, and I wasnít expecting that. So the whole ordeal was something like being caught between wanting to cringe and wanting to have an orgasm. I think it had something to do with the way his hand was positioned with the tattoo needle. I will post some pictures of it once itís healed. He did an excellent job and itís the same artist that did the demonic fairy wings on my back.

 Originally Posted By: Morgan
ALSO!!!!!!!
You fell for her as she was. What right do you have to fix her or change her?

I really feel like I need to clarify that statement. I never said that I wanted to fix or change HER, I just want to help her deal with some of the external circumstances in her life. Thereís a huge difference between wanting to change someone and wanting to help them deal with some of the difficult issues they are having. Also, we may have only been fucking for a few weeks, but we were close friends long before that. And she was very open in telling me she loved me before the idea every came into my head.

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#20795 - 02/19/09 01:10 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
Master Magick Offline
pledge


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 63
Loc: New York, USA
 Originally Posted By: Morgan
Jeeze Tala, come on.....

Pull up your britches, and run away from this whole vampire energy sucking drama.

Best advice - no matter how youre feeling at the moment... you'll more likely be happy you did later. But it's always got to be your choice.

 Originally Posted By: Tala de Sade
Those of you who forecasted jealousy were correct to some degree.

Happens every time.

 Originally Posted By: Tala de Sade

I am continuing to fall in love with this girl.

Enjoy it if you can, but realize as the 'alternate' in an existing relationship, no matter how you feel you're going to be in the back seat for a long time if not always. Unless of course you both take the route of ditching your current partners for eachother.

 Originally Posted By: Tala de Sade
Maybe polyamorous relationships arenít all that different from regular relationships

They are no different except for the fact that they are a helluva lot more hard to handle.

 Originally Posted By: Tala de Sade
Iím falling head over heels for a girl and I would be willing to do whatever it takes to make all of the wrong things in her life right.

You can't do that as has already been pointed out. You can be yourself and if that makes her happier that's as close as it gets.

 Originally Posted By: Tala de Sade
 Originally Posted By: Morgan
Pull up your britches, and run away from this whole vampire energy sucking drama.

I understand what youíre trying to say, but on a grander scale arenít all relationships bound to drain oneís energy at some point?


No. Not if what you are doing is your choice and you are getting what you want out of the relationship. Not to say that it doesn't happen to everyone. If anyone tells you it hasn't they are lying or never been in a serious relationship. The important part is realizing when it's happening and doing something about it. Sounds like you need to make a choice before you hurt yourself. Either way, Good luck.
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