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#19799 - 02/06/09 05:48 PM Polyamorous Relationships
Succubus666 Offline
member


Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 161
My boyfriend and I have been together for four and a half years, and recently decided to change our monogamous relationship to a polyamorous one. I cannot tell you the sense of liberation and freedom I feel, like I can breathe again for the first time in years! Iíve had the most breathtaking lesbian sex of my life and canít even remember the last time another person has made me feel so sexually satisfied. I almost didnít realize it was possible until it happened. Iíve also decided that as a symbol of my new found sexual freedom and pleasure, Iím going to get the baphomet sigil tattooed over where my pubic hair would be (I shave everything below the neck anyway).

Since this is kind of a new area of experience for me (Iíve had open relationships when I was a teenager, but they werenít this serious) Iím wondering what other peopleís experiences are in this area. Are there other people here that are involved with polyamorous relationships? Does anyone have any good or bad experiences that they would care to share? Any advice on things to watch out for emotionally? Is there a consensus on this being the most natural course of action for most Satanists to take, why or why not? Iím interested in hearing everyoneís thoughts...

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#19810 - 02/06/09 07:16 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
Morgan Offline
Princess of Hell
stalker


Registered: 08/29/07
Posts: 2956
Loc: New York City
My girlfriend got really upset when I brought a man into the equation. I was quite happy with both of them, but it wasn't what she wanted. Needless to say that didn't last very long.
If you want something like that to work, all must be on the same page and openminded otherwise jelously will show up.

I'm not sure if thats something that I want anymore, but it does have it time and place in my memories.

M
_________________________
Courage Conquering Fear
Fuck em if they can't take a joke
Don't Like What I Say, Kiss My Ass



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#19835 - 02/07/09 02:18 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
daevid777 Offline
active member


Registered: 08/30/07
Posts: 951
Loc: Hell's Pisshole, Texas
Morgan got it right...

Polyamorous relationship?

Maybe... like in "My Girlfriend's Girlfriend" - yeah, that sounds nice... in a song. And it's a nice thought, as long as everyone is playing along.

Having separate "lovers" invites "jealousy", and with jealousy, bad things happen.

Honestly, if your boyfriend goes out and fucks some other chick, you're okay with that? And if he does so, over and over again with the same person, possibly eventually liking this person, loving this person, this is fine with you? this would be "polyamorous"...

What then, (narrow, close-minded apparently) is your "basis" for a "relationship"? And is he "special" to you anymore? Or just one of the guys or gals that does it for you at the time?

sounds like it's time to re-evaluate, no one is special, or every possibility is special... sounds promiscuous, and not a "relationship", in a certain definition of the word... that is of my own construct, I'd imagine.

Multiple lovers... sounds great... do I want my multiple lovers to have multiple lovers? Eh, no. So I've decided I should have a harem. Yes, loyal and faithful to me alone... that's polyamorous, at least on my part.

Or is it "poly-sexual"? Polyamorous involves the concept of "love", I think, by definition, or at least by direct translation... can one have "enough" sustainable love for more than one person at a given time... possibly, can another do exactly the same thing, at exactly the same time as you? Odds dwindle.

Who initiated this "polyamorous" thing anyway? It wasn't initially mutual, it never is.... so give up the goods!
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#19839 - 02/07/09 02:31 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: daevid777]
Jake999 Offline
senior member


Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 2230
Polyamory is more of a committed relationship than just a sexual relationship, although in my case, there's definitely a healthy portion of both. Monogamy is hard, and polyamory can give you some permutations of potentials for problems that would make a math wizard break out his abbacus.

But it CAN work. I've been married for 40 years next October, and have been in a polyamoric relationship with my wife and another woman for almost 20 years. There's no sex between them, and her husband isn't imvolved, but we're all connected through that relationship and it's comfortable for us all to travel together and travel apart.

And even with the plurality of that relationship, there's no sense of ownership or possessiveness. We all know that if one of us feels the need to be with someone else outside of our polyamoric group, it's permissible, so long as it's out in the open... or if one of the other people wants to be involved as well, that's an available option too.
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Bury your dead, pick up your weapon and soldier on.


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#19841 - 02/07/09 04:29 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Jake999]
daevid777 Offline
active member


Registered: 08/30/07
Posts: 951
Loc: Hell's Pisshole, Texas
Nope.

At least not as I used to define love. I can't begin to explain, but this, I'm starting to realize, was the one "everlasting love", the kind of love that could kill passersby if they looked too close, the envy of all who could stand to behold its' power, the very meaning of my existence.

Nowadays, who cares... go for it.
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Where we're going, we don't need roads.

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#19845 - 02/07/09 06:08 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
Zoid Offline
member


Registered: 01/24/09
Posts: 109
Loc: USA - New Jersey
 Originally Posted By: Tala de Sade
My boyfriend and I have been together for four and a half years, and recently decided to change our monogamous relationship to a polyamorous one. I cannot tell you the sense of liberation and freedom I feel, like I can breathe again for the first time in years! Iíve had the most breathtaking lesbian sex of my life and canít even remember the last time another person has made me feel so sexually satisfied.


Having one wife was more than I could tolerate. Having multiple wives with a husband or two thrown in is my idea of being punished for my sins - and I mean the Satanic ones, beginning with stupidity.

Have you considered breaking up with your boyfriend and going lesbian all the way?

Also, do you really mean polyamory, which implies commitment to multiple people? Or do you actually mean an open relationship with your boyfriend, whereby your boyfriend is the only person you're committed to, but you're permitted to have sex on the side with other people?

Satan, for me, represents Id plus Ego victorious over Superego. Notice I didn't merely say Id, but Id plus Ego, the latter term being a reference to the reality principle, which contains within itself a particular virtue that I personally consider Satanic, namely prudence. Commitment to one person is hard, to two people is doubly hard, to three people is triply hard, and so on.

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#19849 - 02/07/09 07:13 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
spiderbreeder Offline
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Registered: 11/29/08
Posts: 300
Loc: Sydney,Australia
Arrangements like that always seem to start out ok, but as time goes on,someone always ends up feeling jealous or threatened in some way- usually the partner who didn't come up with the idea of the polyamorous relationship in the first place,ie; it was an interesting concept proposed to them that they were initially leery of, but in time, came around to the idea and decided to give it a shot.

I think that there would be a higher chance of success in an arrangement like this if the two people concerned were already Polyamorous-minded to begin with.
It's a concept/lifestyle both are familiar with, and are therefore less likely to fall into any insidious"emotional pot-holes" that a couple newer to the concept would be vulnerable to.

Four and a half years.... That's a big chunk out of your life to spend with a person, especially when you're young.
Maybe your same-sex encounter is a personal sign - if it was the most satisfying experience that you can remember having ever, maybe you would be happier embracing that way of life fully?

You also mentioned that you feel "like you can breathe for the first time in years"
I feel exactly the same way at the moment after recently coming out of a 7 year relationship.
You always feel stifled and trapped with someone that you know deep down that your not in love with anymore, and when it's over, that's when the feelings of freedom and liberation start rolling in...

Maybe a big part of the relationship is over for you, and you feel relieved?

All the best with it Tala, I hope it all goes smoothly for you.. at the very least you'll be living in very interesting times! ;\)


Edited by spiderbreeder (02/07/09 07:18 AM)
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#19855 - 02/07/09 09:07 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: spiderbreeder]
Fist Moderator Offline
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Registered: 08/31/07
Posts: 1453
Loc: B'mo Cautious MF
Well, like others here have said, I can't recommend it.

In my experience, bringing someone else into your current relationship will spell the beginning of the end of that relationship.

No matter what they tell you, 'old reliable' will feel threatened (to some degree) by your new toy. For your part, it is all to common for you to spend more time with one than the other.

In your particular MFF relationship, I will assume your guy is straight. Does he get to play with your new toy? How do you feel about this? How will you feel when he gets his own new toy? How will you feel when he brings her home for a 3-way? Will you be ok when he brings one or two of buddies from work home? 'Air tight' anyone?

If you want to know what guys are thinking, look at porn. Every guy secretly wants to try all of that stuff. In fact, most keep a mental tally of things they have done and want to do - even if they only do it once just for kicks. Unless you are down for the project don't give him a reason. Right now he has the moral high ground to make all sorts of demands.

I have seen this all play out dozens of times before. If you are ready to end your relationship you are on the right track.
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I am the Devil and I am here to do the Devil's work.

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#19977 - 02/08/09 03:47 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: daevid777]
Succubus666 Offline
member


Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 161
 Originally Posted By: daevid777
What then, (narrow, close-minded apparently) is your "basis" for a "relationship"? And is he "special" to you anymore? Or just one of the guys or gals that does it for you at the time?


I would consider him my primary partner and anyone else to be secondary. He is special in the sense that he is the person I share my home and life with. We have agreed that any sexual trysts we have happen outside the home, and that our home is our sanctuary. We have rules, for instance that we spend more time with each other than we do with anyone else. I think that the history two people share is a part of what makes the relationship ďspecialĒ or two people special to one another. He has seen me through some of the darkest times in my life, heís always there when I need him, and I do completely love and accept him for who he is and how he is. But when it comes to sexuality, I am extremely attracted to women, and that had just been something that was missing in my life.


 Originally Posted By: daevid777
Honestly, if your boyfriend goes out and fucks some other chick, you're okay with that? And if he does so, over and over again with the same person, possibly eventually liking this person, loving this person, this is fine with you?


Yes, I am honestly completely alright with the idea of him going out and fucking someone else. I would even hope that he enjoys it. To be honest, it took some time for me to become accepting of this idea. A year or two ago I never would have been alright with having an open relationship. But I have let go of my insecurities and am choosing to look at the bigger picture in terms of improving the satisfaction in both of our lives. Now I feel far more liberated and at peace than I ever imagined possible. And, strangely enough, the possibility that he may love another person does not bother me either. Itís not healthy to stifle human emotions, and Iím not running around caught up in some insecure idea that I need to hold onto someone and suffocate them. Itís alright if he sleeps with someone else, itís alright if he loves someone else. I know Iíve done both myself, and it hasnít changed my feelings for him.


 Originally Posted By: daevid777
Who initiated this "polyamorous" thing anyway? It wasn't initially mutual, it never is.... so give up the goods!


I was the one that initiated it when it became clear that a female friend and I were interested in each other on a more intimate level. There was a bit of a fight with my boyfriend over it, because I of course asked for his permission before taking it any further. But we talked it out and realized it would be beneficial for both of us to try being sexually active with other people. Our relationship was having some problems before that, but thatís an entirely different subject matter.

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#19979 - 02/08/09 04:00 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Zoid]
Succubus666 Offline
member


Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 161
 Originally Posted By: Zoid
Have you considered breaking up with your boyfriend and going lesbian all the way?


To be honest this whole situation has brought up questions in my mind of what it would be like to be single again, and whether it would be easier or harder. Iím still on the fence about that. As far as turning into a complete lesbian (oddly enough I had only been dating women for a long time before I started dating my boyfriend), I know that I am genuinely bisexual and enjoy the best of both worlds. There are a lot of people out there that think you have to love one or the other, but my attraction to another person is not based on what they have between their legs.


 Originally Posted By: Zoid
Also, do you really mean polyamory, which implies commitment to multiple people? Or do you actually mean an open relationship with your boyfriend, whereby your boyfriend is the only person you're committed to, but you're permitted to have sex on the side with other people?


The second one. There is no commitment involved with anyone but my boyfriend, so itís just sex on the side with other people. Of course the sex does end up entailing certain emotional involvement, but not to the extent of being in a relationship with more than one person.

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#20016 - 02/08/09 11:58 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
daevid777 Offline
active member


Registered: 08/30/07
Posts: 951
Loc: Hell's Pisshole, Texas
Slippery slopes there Tala...

I'm going with Fist on this one...

If you've even considered the "liberation of being single", I'd say this relationship has run its course...

I'm going to twist the hell out of a Musashi Myamoto quote all to hell, so I apologize in advance:

"Once your opponent begins to move out of the way... you've already won."

I'm taking this way out of context, and manipulating it to fit my need right now... but it's like this...

I've had "good" jobs... I made "good" money... but I can remember at time in at least two of these, when I started to "daydream" about not having to go to this fucking place, and put up with the very minutest of bullshit, that just kinda nipped at me... not even big things.

This develops, or can develop if you let it... and then you find yourself in another job, a "better" or "newer" one... and the romance is back, everything is fresh... and so on...

To sum it up, and I'm consciously aware I'm butchering your responses...

You have problems in your relationship, you begin to have feelings for another person, you initiate a "policy of polyamority", much to the dismay of your current partner, you somehow make him "realize" it's "for the best", and he reluctantly agrees... you daydream about being single, and the liberation and freedom that will bring, but your current partner has been there during rough moments in your life, so there is a level of guilt and/or loyalty to which you cling.

He's an old, comfortable shoe... and you wear it... but someday the sole is going to give... and that, will be that. Might as well cut him loose... while he still has a "soul"...

Looks like a painful road ahead. But that's just my interpretation, you certainly seem to have it figured out, and maybe this thing will work. Good luck.
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#20023 - 02/09/09 12:26 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: daevid777]
annieoracle Offline
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Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 37
Loc: co. waterford, ireland
I have had a bad experiance! I was with a boyfriend for three years and first off we decided to have a three some. All was fine for about six months, then myself and the other girl met up alone alot. The boyfriend did not like this and wanted things to go back to the way it was, just me and him, he gave me a choice... himself or her! It was an extreamly hard choice as i was in love with them both and they said they were in love with me. It was an emotional strain! I decided to stay with her as we had more of a spark. A while later she cheated with a man, I was upset over it! It is so hard for things like that to work out in my opinion. At least one of you or all of you will get hurt!
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Addiction: There is a little monster inside your head that says 'You know you will feel better'

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#20038 - 02/09/09 05:40 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: annieoracle]
Marchioness Offline
stranger


Registered: 02/03/09
Posts: 6
Loc: The Far East
Polyamoury can be a tricky business. In my experience, it only tends to work in the long run if all parties are indeed polyamourous AND if all the lovers are treated equally. Have a 'first' boyfriend or girlfriend and the others will want to move up in rank to suit their vanity.

For me, open relationships suit me perfectly. I prefer not to be chained and do not make a lot of demands of my lovers.


Edited by Marchioness (02/09/09 05:41 AM)
Edit Reason: typo

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#20060 - 02/09/09 03:09 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
Diavolo Offline
RIP
stalker


Registered: 09/02/07
Posts: 4997
Personally I think normal relations are already complicated enough and adding more will only make it more complex. But every relation will at one point fail or fade or just become plain boring so I think you should just do what you feel like doing and enjoy the ride. If it all falls apart in the future, so be it. It could still fall apart even if you totally commit to one partner.

D.

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#20077 - 02/10/09 12:20 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: annieoracle]
Succubus666 Offline
member


Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 161
 Originally Posted By: annieoracle
The boyfriend did not like this and wanted things to go back to the way it was, just me and him, he gave me a choice... himself or her! It was an extreamly hard choice as i was in love with them both and they said they were in love with me. It was an emotional strain! I decided to stay with her as we had more of a spark. A while later she cheated with a man, I was upset over it!

The question is whether or not it would have been any better if you had just decided to have an open relationship with the girl from the beginning. Would it still have been considered cheating if you knew she wanted to be with another man and discussed her feelings with you? Would you have felt better if you were able to join in? Were you really mad because she was dishonest with you, or because it was her desire to involve someone else? I think this is where our egos get involved and we have to realize that virtually no one in the history of mankind has only ever been with one person in their entire lives. We are not monogamous by nature. Of course there are some screwed up religions out there that seek to force this on people, but thatís an entirely separate matter.

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#20078 - 02/10/09 12:34 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Diavolo]
Succubus666 Offline
member


Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 161
 Originally Posted By: Diavolo
Personally I think normal relations are already complicated enough and adding more will only make it more complex.


When I started this thread I decided to go with the word ďpolyamorousĒ rather than ďpolygamistĒ because the latter would imply being committed to more than one person. I only have commitments to one person, the rest are there for sexual and intellectual pleasure. I donít necessarily think that having these interactions with other people will complicate things anymore than having more friends would complicate things. In some manners I just happen to have very specific types of friendships. As a side note, I definitely think itís something that LaVey would give his seal of approval to.


 Originally Posted By: Diavolo
If it all falls apart in the future, so be it. It could still fall apart even if you totally commit to one partner.


I completely agree with you on that. Relationships do get boring and tedious over time. Sooner or later you have to do things to spice it up, explore new boundaries and so forth. Recently I have been giving more and more consideration to what it would be like to be single again, whether it would give me a greater sense of freedom and peace. Honestly I was a bit surprised by many of the responses here leaning toward the thought of impending failure. There really is something to be said for unbiased opinions.

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#20079 - 02/10/09 12:48 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
6Satan6Archist6 Offline
stalker


Registered: 10/16/08
Posts: 2509
I have always been ok with my girlfriends having "flings" with other women so long as I get to watch every now and then. I am selfish and don't like to share, so I would never be ok with them sleeping with another man but I am also extremely turned on by seeing two women have sex. Some would disagree with me but I think there is a difference between my girlfriend sleeping with another women and her sleeping with another man. Double standard? Perhaps, but that is the way I feel and there need not be any rationale behind it.

Yes there is the possibility of her getting emotionally attached, but it is not a concern, and at the same time, there is also the chance she could find someone else just through normal everyday encounters. If I was so insecure about our relationship that I was worried she was going to leave me for someone else I wouldn't be in that relationship to begin with.

If you can make it work, good, more power to you. Just keep in mind that people are very jealous creatures by nature even though some hide it better than others and as others have already stated; there is a good chance this will blow up in your face.
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#20080 - 02/10/09 02:37 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
Diavolo Offline
RIP
stalker


Registered: 09/02/07
Posts: 4997
In my view sexual or intellectual interactions that go deeper than the 'hit and run' type are relations. They might not be as 'deep' or 'serious' as what people consider a real relation but eventually they'll suffer the same problems. Personally I think that even having friends is complicated.

I think of it as a impending failure not only because of the number of people involved but because most relations just fail in the end. Still, the realization of the temporariness should not be a factor in the decision to go for something or not. Joy is joy.

I myself am in a relation for about two years now but most of the time function as a single. During the weekends I switch to an alternate reality where I am the partner of someone and live with her, during the week I am living alone. The day I realized one does not need to have a relation and if, one does not need to have a relation-relation as defined out there was quite liberating. If your relation works for you like this, you go girl.

D.

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#20088 - 02/10/09 07:25 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Diavolo]
Morgan Offline
Princess of Hell
stalker


Registered: 08/29/07
Posts: 2956
Loc: New York City
"I think this is where our egos get involved and we have to realize that virtually no one in the history of mankind has only ever been with one person in their entire lives. We are not monogamous by nature."

I don't think this is a true statement.
Some people have been with the same person their whole life. I can look back at my ansetors in my family as examples of that.
Some people are monogamous by nature, just like some animals are.
It all comes down to the individual.
I would much rather be with one stable person than many.

"I only have commitments to one person, the rest are there for sexual and intellectual pleasure."

Maybe because I am older, I dont see the use in one night stands. I'm over that. I have my friends for intellectual pleasures.
I am much more picky and desire the best of both worlds thus a Lover with a Brain or no deal.

"If I was so insecure about our relationship that I was worried she was going to leave me for someone else I wouldn't be in that relationship to begin with."

Yes, this is the jist of trust in a relationship. If you have to be overly worried then maybe your in the wrong kind of relationships.

"If your relation works for you like this, you go girl."

That's all there is to it.
Whatever works for you and makes you happy, go forth and do.

Have fun,
Morgan
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Fuck em if they can't take a joke
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#20091 - 02/10/09 08:24 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Morgan]
Succubus666 Offline
member


Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 161
 Originally Posted By: Morgan
I don't think this is a true statement.
Some people have been with the same person their whole life. I can look back at my ansetors in my family as examples of that.


I think the real question would be whether or not they wanted to stay with only one partner, or if they only did so only because the evolution of our species eventually made mating more convenient in that manner. Do you think that none of your ancestors had affairs? Would they really have let it out in the open if they were swingers? Itís safe to say they likely fantasized about other people. And if you go back to tribal times, all the women wanted to mate with the alpha male, the best hunter and provider. It was primal instinct to do that, and that was what women in many tribes did. Even those with mates often found their way into the alpha maleís bed, wanting to be the bearer of the greatest seed.


 Originally Posted By: Morgan
Maybe because I am older, I dont see the use in one night stands. I'm over that. I have my friends for intellectual pleasures.
I am much more picky and desire the best of both worlds thus a Lover with a Brain or no deal.


Since the relationship with my boyfriend became open, I have honestly given no thought to having a one night stand. The people I have become involved with on a sexual level are people I respect on an intellectual level and would also consider friends. So I know what you mean. A pretty body does nothing for me unless there is some sort of intelligence attached to it.

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#20092 - 02/10/09 08:34 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
candyjesus Offline
stranger


Registered: 03/07/08
Posts: 43
Loc: NY
My friend and her husband have had an open relationship for as long as I can remember. They recently brought in a girl who was supposed to assume her roll as the 3rd party- but ended up stirring up some major trouble. He decided he liked the new girl better- Newer model, less mileage, etc.

People always like to encroach on sovereign territories. Girls especially make games out of it. While every relationship can stand a little jealousy fuel- just make sure you can handle it [mentally] if it all comes crumbling down.

As for my experience- Every girl I've dated has eventually turned out to be a stalking psychopath ala single white female or a bar-bi attention whore so I've given up.

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#20094 - 02/10/09 10:30 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
daevid777 Offline
active member


Registered: 08/30/07
Posts: 951
Loc: Hell's Pisshole, Texas
I hate to sound like an old boring fart on this, but I'm gonna do it anyway...

I need some ammo first:

I agree with Diavolo on this:
 Quote:
In my view sexual or intellectual interactions that go deeper than the 'hit and run' type are relations. They might not be as 'deep' or 'serious' as what people consider a real relation but eventually they'll suffer the same problems. Personally I think that even having friends is complicated.


To me, "intellectual stimulation" plus good times plus sex = relationship... no matter how you slice it. Placing all this in some sort of hierarchy is a difficult task, I'm sure. I will recant my previous statement of "impossible", but I will say "a hell of a lot of "work"...

And what Morgan posted:
 Quote:
I would much rather be with one stable person than many.


"Crazies" can be good times... but again, more issues, more things to consider... more "work"... that can get old quick as well. Shooting stars... lots of wishes, but it just burns out.

And, now forgive me once again:
 Quote:
And if you go back to tribal times, all the women wanted to mate with the alpha male, the best hunter and provider. It was primal instinct to do that, and that was what women in many tribes did.


In a "serious, long term relationship", here's how it works - Guy's (*ahem*)... you're the Alpha male. You have been the Alpha male since the thing started, if you're in a "monogamous" relationship. You are the chosen one. Now it's your job to see that you remain that way - you've already done something right, so try to remember why she liked your sorry ass in the first place... if it's just for looks, you're pretty much fucked.

Otherwise, you've got to be smarter ever day, more caring everyday, stronger every day, you've got to be a provider, a poet, an intellect, an amateur astromoner, a good cook, an excellent masseuse, and a professional porn star - you've got to give her all your attention when she needs it, and leave her the fuck alone when she needs it, and you need to know the difference of the two, you need to bring her flowers, and jewelry, candy and puzzles, you have to be a comedian, and you need to know how to write and spell, you need ambition, but it can't interfere in your personal life. You need to know about her interests, and educate her on yours. You need to be able to watch her favorite TV shows, and try for the life of you to enjoy them as well. You need to give her space, but you need to be always where she can reach you if she really needs you.

I'm only writing this from one perspective... so if you too want a special relationship, then you will be the Alpha male, and she will be your Alpha Female, and nothing can stop you... oh yeah, and no one's going to fuck with her man - she'll attack a man twice her size for you, and will stop at nothing to keep you with her.

It's a lot of work as well, and it's not for everyone, but this too, is not impossible...


Not into that? - one night stand doesn't sound so bad...
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Where we're going, we don't need roads.

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#20098 - 02/10/09 10:46 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: daevid777]
ZephyrGirl Offline
R.I.P.
active member


Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 706
Loc: Adelaide Australia
It must be the hidden romantic in me Daevil, but that is what I expect out of a 'husband' partner or lover. Seems to me that I have yet to meet the right one, as they seem to slip later if not sooner.

Zeph
_________________________
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass -
It's about learning to dance in the rain.


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#20101 - 02/10/09 11:18 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: ZephyrGirl]
daevid777 Offline
active member


Registered: 08/30/07
Posts: 951
Loc: Hell's Pisshole, Texas
Well, Zeph...

Here I am... ta Dah..!!!

kidding... well, I don't know, I'm just glad I'm looking at that horrid ass-ugly dog on the image thread, instead of slipping back into madness...

"Alpha males" get their assumed title in other "nature" by simply being the strongest, which, animalistically (a word?) is quite suiting. The strongest Lion offers security and protection, and that protection is certainly worth a good shagging.

In "Human" nature, the "Alpha male" is often regarded in terms of this same animalistic nature, however wrongly so, in my opinion.

Although there still remains certain "primal aspects", Sympathetic nervous system, etc., the word "strength" might have different connotations in humans. More money (protection/security) - as defined by a nice home, an expensive car, clothing; social/political status. Physical strenght - Kung Fu Master (I loved that game)... whatever.

The human "heart", I say in quotes with great care, is indeed a fickle and different organ altogether. Physical attractiveness often plays a part, but sensitivities, vanities, "love"...

I was just offering my advice - I hope some take it. I've very limitedly offered this advice in private, and I hope if some male readers are actually "looking for love", they might just listen enough to get something out of it.

Women aren't safe in this as well, just because I was focusing on a "man's work"... you ladies gotta step up, too.

By saying all of this, I'm totally wrecking the "polyamorous thread" to hell, and I apologize.

Perhaps some enlightened one will bring us back on topic, sorry for the sideshow interruption - not you Zeph, your post was totally applicable, I think. And thanks.
_________________________
Where we're going, we don't need roads.

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#20104 - 02/10/09 11:45 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: daevid777]
Jake999 Offline
senior member


Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 2230
I dunno, Daevid... Polyamory REAL Polyamory and not just "having a woman on the side" requires pretty much all of those Alpha Male prerequisites x2 and sometimes at the same time. You're just as committed to not hurting your secondary as you are your primary, and sometimes that means that you have to learn to be as flexible faster than a one armed man juggling three chainsaws.

It ain't easy. My secondary lives 400 miles away, and that's hard. I don't really know how some of the people in polyamorphic lifestyles deal with it day after day when it's all in one home.
_________________________
Bury your dead, pick up your weapon and soldier on.


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#20105 - 02/10/09 11:51 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: daevid777]
spiderbreeder Offline
member


Registered: 11/29/08
Posts: 300
Loc: Sydney,Australia
Daevil, that was beautifully written.

Where the hell are all the guys like you in Australia?

Looks like I might have to relocate to Texas... ;\)


Edited by spiderbreeder (02/10/09 11:51 PM)
_________________________
REGIE SATANAS!

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#20116 - 02/11/09 02:50 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
Morgan Offline
Princess of Hell
stalker


Registered: 08/29/07
Posts: 2956
Loc: New York City
It just sounds like your trying to justify your actions, but twisting what I said. It doesn't matter cause they are all dead.

The end result is the same, you theory is not my truth.

"The people I have become involved with on a sexual level are people I respect on an intellectual level and would also consider friends."

When you fuck friends, it changes everything.
Friendship, as it was said is complicated as it is.

It can either work, or crash and burn.

Morgan
_________________________
Courage Conquering Fear
Fuck em if they can't take a joke
Don't Like What I Say, Kiss My Ass



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#20121 - 02/11/09 05:07 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: daevid777]
ceruleansteel Offline
active member


Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 784
Loc: Behind you
Bleh.

I was that female. I would fight to the death for "my man" and I got fucked in the end...and not in a fun way.

I played the good woman role, and I loved every minute of it...but it was a complete lie and so far no one has proved it wrong.

So until someone DOES...whatever. I say to each his own and I'll just do my thing. I wouldn't like to share, personally, (to bring this sort of back into the realm of the original thread), because there is no way in hell I would settle for ANTYHING LESS than the alpha female...and I'd be pretty damned offended if someone suggested it(sharing), but I have stopped expecting anything nearing my own consideration. I think that "the times they are a-changin'" and perhaps I'm not "modern" enough.

fuck that, too, though.

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#20125 - 02/11/09 05:16 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Jake999]
daevid777 Offline
active member


Registered: 08/30/07
Posts: 951
Loc: Hell's Pisshole, Texas
Still, Jake, you realize these are good traits to at least attempt to live by...? X2?

You're a bigger man than me, with a mind that can keep track of all the wants and needs of two instead of the one. Respect.

good for you!
_________________________
Where we're going, we don't need roads.

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#20126 - 02/11/09 05:20 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: spiderbreeder]
daevid777 Offline
active member


Registered: 08/30/07
Posts: 951
Loc: Hell's Pisshole, Texas
don't relocate... people in Texas are assholes too...

I think I'm the last "romantic", and that is reserved for my sweet...

Guy's have the potential to suck in all continents...

(I'm telling you now gentlemen... take heed!)
_________________________
Where we're going, we don't need roads.

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#20127 - 02/11/09 05:30 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: daevid777]
spiderbreeder Offline
member


Registered: 11/29/08
Posts: 300
Loc: Sydney,Australia
Don't worry , your safe Daevil... ;\)

And your right, there are assholes of all shapes and sizes littering the planet of which I am only too aware...

In fact- I might be one of them.

It was just nice to hear a guy come out with all you said for a change....
_________________________
REGIE SATANAS!

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#20271 - 02/12/09 02:59 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: daevid777]
Master Magick Offline
pledge


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 63
Loc: New York, USA
Not all polyamorous relationships are equal cause theres a few different paths to approach the whole situation from. Alot of how it works out of course depends on the couple that starts the journey and who they get involved with...

You can have an "open" (for lack of a better term) relationship where you are the primary couple but both of you have the option to have sexual encounters with others. Notice the word encounters though. Meaning other people are for Sex. You and your partner are primary and the others are for fun. That's it. You don't go visit their families, take vacations with them, buy them real birthday presents, or have long weekends discussing Satanism, baseball and opera over milk n cookies.
A little easier to maintain, cause its just for fun. Not that you can't be friends but the emotional involvement needs to be at a low level. No matter what you do, almost inevitably, one of you will become more attached to one of these playmates and then the "fun" begins. Not that it still can't work out. Been there. But its very tricky!

Option 2 is where you have "additional" (again for lack of a better word) partners. People who you are involved with on a deeper level than just for sex/fun. Much harder to keep your primary relationship together here. Almost inevitably (as has been pointed out by others) one of you ends up jealous or leaves with or without the formerly secondary partner over percieved differences in the status of the other partners.

Both of those circumstances of course are assuming you have a "real" relationship going in the first place. Otherwise you are trying out Option #3: You are just dating or good friends/F-buddies with your partner and also playing the field. Thats not really polyamoury anyway, its just poly-sluttery ;\)

Finally just an observation. If you are or have been in the fetish or leather scenes and play publicly, you already carry on a form of polyamorous relationship with anyone you scene with who is not your partner. Probably one of the reasons it's not as uncommon to find people in 'the scene' also in successful polyamorous relationships. Same would probably apply to sex industry workers, but this is just based on personal observation, not actual stats.

Bottom line: PARs not recommended for the wimpy or those emotionally/intellectually under the age of 30something, and even then think twice and handle w/care.
_________________________
Magick

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#20272 - 02/12/09 03:03 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Morgan]
Succubus666 Offline
member


Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 161
 Originally Posted By: Morgan
It just sounds like your trying to justify your actions, but twisting what I said. It doesn't matter cause they are all dead.

Sorry if it sounded that way. I wasnít trying to twist anything you said, just expounding on it a bit because the truth is that one can never know for sure. Iíve had a lot of experiences with people acting one way in public and entirely different in private, so Iíve become somewhat cynical when it comes to the idea that things are what they seem. I definitely think there are people out there who are geared toward monogamy, but simply feel that the majority of human beings will not meet their deaths having had sexual intercourse with only one person. The world as Iíve come to see it (again, just my own opinion) just doesnít work that way.

I also donít think this is a situation in which oneís actions need to be justified. Most people on this forum wouldnít have a problem understanding the appeal of more than one sexual partner. We are Satanists, after all.

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#20284 - 02/12/09 07:45 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
Morgan Offline
Princess of Hell
stalker


Registered: 08/29/07
Posts: 2956
Loc: New York City
"I also donít think this is a situation in which oneís actions need to be justified. Most people on this forum wouldnít have a problem understanding the appeal of more than one sexual partner. We are Satanists, after all."

Being a Satanist, and wanting to fuck multiple people at the same time are two different things.

You asked for opinions, you were given opinions.
Now decide what you are going to do.

Master Magick, myself, as well as many others gave valuable insight into their thoughts and situations.

Good Luck......

Morgan
_________________________
Courage Conquering Fear
Fuck em if they can't take a joke
Don't Like What I Say, Kiss My Ass



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#20547 - 02/16/09 11:54 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: daevid777]
Succubus666 Offline
member


Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 161
Those of you who forecasted jealousy were correct to some degree. Oddly enough it was the two people getting the most enjoyment out of this (my two new partners who together are in a relationship) that have wound up having feelings of jealousy and insecurity. The way I understand it, there were underlying problems in their relationship to begin with and the sex was being used as a sort of ďescapeĒ so as not to have to deal with the problems. Personally I am still content to carry on the relationship as is, but am sincerely hoping that whatever issues there are between the two of them get sorted out and I donít end up getting hurt because of someone elseís insecurity. Evidently I am the first person to join them in bed that they have an emotional attachment to and some of the confusion is about how to reconcile that.

I cannot tell if weíve taken a step forward in discussing these issues, or a step backward in putting issues out there. The last talk we had, the relationship moved to a point where I am able to officially call her my ďgirlfriendĒ and we both have our own boyfriends. I am continuing to fall in love with this girl. At the same time, the night we had that talk, it was the first night that we did not have sex because there were so many complications (she said that ninety percent of it had to do with the fact that she was on her period and wouldnít enjoy the sex anyway). Iíve taken Depo-Provera, the birth control needle, for ten years now and havenít gotten my period in all that time, so I do forget what itís like to be ďnot in the moodĒ for that reason. The way I left the night, I couldnít tell whether we were getting closer together or further apart.

Maybe polyamorous relationships arenít all that different from regular relationships in terms of the emotions involved. Right now all I know is that Iím falling head over heels for a girl and I would be willing to do whatever it takes to make all of the wrong things in her life right. Unfortunately, there are certain things that only she can fix, and it makes for a very emotional situation.

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#20556 - 02/17/09 12:48 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
daevid777 Offline
active member


Registered: 08/30/07
Posts: 951
Loc: Hell's Pisshole, Texas



Edited by daevid777 (02/17/09 12:57 AM)
Edit Reason: not really a quote...
_________________________
Where we're going, we don't need roads.

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#20559 - 02/17/09 12:56 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
spiderbreeder Offline
member


Registered: 11/29/08
Posts: 300
Loc: Sydney,Australia
She's the only one that can fix "all the wrong things in her life" Tala, your definitely heading for heartbreak if you think you can fix it all for her...

I'd take a huge step back from the whole situation, emotionally disengage myself from it as much as I could, and try to view the situation as it really is.

How well do you know these people?

How do you know that "you're the first one that has joined them in bed that they have an emotional attachment to" isn't the line that they use on everybody?

Just check out what this girl's true motives are.

Is she getting a hell of a lot more out of this than you are- what's in it for her, at your expense?

If these people are getting more out of this situation than you are, and overall, the whole thing has ceased to be enjoyable for you, get out of there as quickly as you can. you owe youself nothing less. ;\)
_________________________
REGIE SATANAS!

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#20571 - 02/17/09 01:50 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: spiderbreeder]
Morgan Offline
Princess of Hell
stalker


Registered: 08/29/07
Posts: 2956
Loc: New York City
Jeeze Tala, come on.....

Pull up your britches, and run away from this whole vampire energy sucking drama.

Your better that this whole fucking thread post...


Morgan
_________________________
Courage Conquering Fear
Fuck em if they can't take a joke
Don't Like What I Say, Kiss My Ass



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#20587 - 02/17/09 05:30 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
Diavolo Offline
RIP
stalker


Registered: 09/02/07
Posts: 4997
I'm not going to comment on a lot, shit happens but you should be very careful right now. As you mentioned, you are falling head over heels for her. Some call that love, others lust, I call it chemicals. Whatever it is, it will cloud your decisions and your emotions. It will be very hard to take rational decisions, you'll be convinced you are doing what you must do but in fact, you might be doing what your chemicals tell you to do, which isn't always in your best interest. See it a bit like someone recovering from an addiction like smoking and how they start to have rational reasons for starting again; like there not being a guarantee they'll get cancer or they might get hit by a bus tomorrow. If I'm not mistaking this was about sex when it started and now you feel like fixing things in her life. If sex was the key factor in your exploration of the polyamorous, I suggest you move on to a next sexual partner.

D.

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#20614 - 02/17/09 12:17 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Diavolo]
Dimitri Offline
stalker


Registered: 07/13/08
Posts: 3138
 Quote:
I'm not going to comment on a lot, shit happens but you should be very careful right now. As you mentioned, you are falling head over heels for her. Some call that love, others lust, I call it chemicals. Whatever it is, it will cloud your decisions and your emotions. It will be very hard to take rational decisions, you'll be convinced you are doing what you must do but in fact, you might be doing what your chemicals tell you to do, which isn't always in your best interest.

I'd keep it to this part, but to be honest...
Do what you feel like YOU should do.
Only keep in mind one has to pay it's own price for it's own mistakes.
_________________________
Ut vivat, crescat et floreat

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#20628 - 02/17/09 05:03 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Morgan]
Succubus666 Offline
member


Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 161
 Originally Posted By: Morgan
Pull up your britches, and run away from this whole vampire energy sucking drama.

I understand what youíre trying to say, but on a grander scale arenít all relationships bound to drain oneís energy at some point? Being in a relationship requires in part that you become selfless and make another personís needs somewhere close to being as important as your own. Surely the monogamist in you would understand that and what the meaning of partnership is. New relationships especially can be filled with drama, a method humans have developed to ďtest the waterĒ and find out where the boundaries are. I know that personally Iíve had too much drama in my past and will do just about everything I can to avoid it, but shit happens sometimes. Diavolo could be right, it could just be the chemicals talking on certain levels.

All I know for sure is that in a couple of hours Iím getting a baphomet tattooed on my crotch. ;\)

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#20640 - 02/17/09 07:53 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
spiderbreeder Offline
member


Registered: 11/29/08
Posts: 300
Loc: Sydney,Australia
I hope it turns out beautifully Tala.

I want to get a Baph' tatt too, on the back of my neck , I'm still casting around for the "right" person to do it though!

Good luck with all the other stuff too... ;\)
_________________________
REGIE SATANAS!

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#20644 - 02/17/09 08:10 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: spiderbreeder]
Morgan Offline
Princess of Hell
stalker


Registered: 08/29/07
Posts: 2956
Loc: New York City
That tattoo will hurt a lot. I have a sandscrit mantra tattooed there. I didnt get the lotus done above it because it felt like I was being stabbed each time the needle went down into my flesh.

The bottom line was, this was supposed to be about sex.

You turned good sex into this love feeling. What if in all honestly, its all just in your head and she just wants sex.

Does the guy you are living with know how you feel about the new girl?

No matter what relationship I am in, I come first. If they want the whole selfless bullshit, they can go get a subbie chickie. I will either have my equal or none. Equal means equal compromise.

Girl, your only maybe fucking her for a week or 2 and you want to fix her life. Shit, its hard enough to fix your own life. Try losing 10 pounds, and how much effort it takes to do that.

ALSO!!!!!!!
You fell for her as she was. What right do you have to fix her or change her?
If she isnt what you want as is, then she isnt for you.

This is what fucks people.....

You can't change or fix anyone. Accept them for how they are or move the fuck along.
People are not a science project.

Shit... I wish the last guy I was involved with, just stayed the same stable person I knew, and didnt fucking change into something else.

Your a big girl, do as you wish, but asking for more advioce here is pointless. YOu will as as you will.

Good Luck,
Morgan
_________________________
Courage Conquering Fear
Fuck em if they can't take a joke
Don't Like What I Say, Kiss My Ass



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#20739 - 02/18/09 02:07 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Morgan]
Succubus666 Offline
member


Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 161
 Originally Posted By: Morgan
That tattoo will hurt a lot. I have a sandscrit mantra tattooed there. I didnt get the lotus done above it because it felt like I was being stabbed each time the needle went down into my flesh.

It felt like someone took a pair of sharpened tweezers and ripped out individual pieces of pubic hair, only in a fast motion. However, the vibration of the tattoo needle was rather stimulating, and I wasnít expecting that. So the whole ordeal was something like being caught between wanting to cringe and wanting to have an orgasm. I think it had something to do with the way his hand was positioned with the tattoo needle. I will post some pictures of it once itís healed. He did an excellent job and itís the same artist that did the demonic fairy wings on my back.

 Originally Posted By: Morgan
ALSO!!!!!!!
You fell for her as she was. What right do you have to fix her or change her?

I really feel like I need to clarify that statement. I never said that I wanted to fix or change HER, I just want to help her deal with some of the external circumstances in her life. Thereís a huge difference between wanting to change someone and wanting to help them deal with some of the difficult issues they are having. Also, we may have only been fucking for a few weeks, but we were close friends long before that. And she was very open in telling me she loved me before the idea every came into my head.

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#20795 - 02/19/09 01:10 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
Master Magick Offline
pledge


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 63
Loc: New York, USA
 Originally Posted By: Morgan
Jeeze Tala, come on.....

Pull up your britches, and run away from this whole vampire energy sucking drama.

Best advice - no matter how youre feeling at the moment... you'll more likely be happy you did later. But it's always got to be your choice.

 Originally Posted By: Tala de Sade
Those of you who forecasted jealousy were correct to some degree.

Happens every time.

 Originally Posted By: Tala de Sade

I am continuing to fall in love with this girl.

Enjoy it if you can, but realize as the 'alternate' in an existing relationship, no matter how you feel you're going to be in the back seat for a long time if not always. Unless of course you both take the route of ditching your current partners for eachother.

 Originally Posted By: Tala de Sade
Maybe polyamorous relationships arenít all that different from regular relationships

They are no different except for the fact that they are a helluva lot more hard to handle.

 Originally Posted By: Tala de Sade
Iím falling head over heels for a girl and I would be willing to do whatever it takes to make all of the wrong things in her life right.

You can't do that as has already been pointed out. You can be yourself and if that makes her happier that's as close as it gets.

 Originally Posted By: Tala de Sade
 Originally Posted By: Morgan
Pull up your britches, and run away from this whole vampire energy sucking drama.

I understand what youíre trying to say, but on a grander scale arenít all relationships bound to drain oneís energy at some point?


No. Not if what you are doing is your choice and you are getting what you want out of the relationship. Not to say that it doesn't happen to everyone. If anyone tells you it hasn't they are lying or never been in a serious relationship. The important part is realizing when it's happening and doing something about it. Sounds like you need to make a choice before you hurt yourself. Either way, Good luck.
_________________________
Magick

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#20926 - 02/21/09 02:53 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Master Magick]
daevid777 Offline
active member


Registered: 08/30/07
Posts: 951
Loc: Hell's Pisshole, Texas
Tala,

Girl... please go back and read your initial posts, and your sense of "optimism", and recall all the replies...

It's all about you anyway - and your "man-friend", although possibly present, has taken the backstage evident in your posts...

He's just not "there" anymore. He may be there, in reality, but your focus has gone all ape-shit over this girl - he no longer exists in the thread - I wonder what his real place is in your life now.

Go Lesbian! Get rid of the guy now, before you hurt anyone else... the vampire Morgan mentioned... is quite possibly YOU.



Good luck.... and you can't say you weren't warned.
_________________________
Where we're going, we don't need roads.

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#21678 - 03/07/09 08:20 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: daevid777]
joseph oreilly Offline
Incomprehensible--Banned
pledge


Registered: 01/29/09
Posts: 58
Mormons used to be down with it, Brig Ham Yung the original estiblisher of the first mormon conerbation spanned a total of 12 wives, personally I find it strange how mormonism ties in with the opening of the opium era in america and freemasonry.
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#21691 - 03/07/09 11:30 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
Falhalterra37 Offline
stranger


Registered: 03/04/09
Posts: 11
Loc: Missouri, USA.
I've always been a radical mentally, as I support polygamist and 2+ people marriages. I could never be involved in polygamy though. The only way to explain that, even though I am bi and I yearn for both sexes, is that I'm more dedicated to who I love. It isn't all about sex like it used to be in my head, and yeah, I'm still a virgin. You can refer to me as a hypersexual then. I can't see myself ever in a relationship with a woman, and I tend to hate woman sometimes. I'm bored with my age-group's drama and stupidity, and it seems the women I am attracted to in that group just do not find interest in what I find interest in. I can see me having a sexual relationship with a woman, but nothing else.

I've always been more of a daddy's girl, so I tend to lean more with the guys. My boyfriend provides enough of what I need; he even has a feminine/masculine side, which helps a whole lot.

The only advice I have is...if the main is starting to move out of your life or focus because of this girl, you might have to consider re-thinking what is happening here, or cut off from him.
But more power to your choice. I just hope you do not regret it.
_________________________
A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

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#21951 - 03/12/09 10:53 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
Carme Offline
stranger


Registered: 09/29/07
Posts: 17
I've been involved as the "secondary" in an open/polyamorous for little over a year now. Aside from the best sex I've ever had, he's my best friend.

We've seen our fair share of jealousy, tears, arguments, insecurity, miscommunications, misunderstandings, and a slew of other "nasties" which typically occur in any kind of meaningful relationship. We've worked (and continue to work) through them. It's one of the most open, positive relationships I've been exposed to. Sometimes I'm blown away by how fortunate I am to have found such a nifty dude.

I think it's exceedingly hard for most people to believe that such relationships can bring happiness, but I'm throwing in my two cents to show these more "unconventional" relationships a positive light.

They aren't for everyone... but then again I can't stand being with men who are jealous and can't rationalize why. Men who don't seek to understand their actions and beliefs, but rather go with societal norms because it's easier. Men who lack the ability to be open and straightforward and more than willing to talk. Men who--for lack of a better term--want me to be their primary, or their "everything," when I am much too independent for that.

As an aside, I'd totally recommend _The Ethical Slut_ for anyone interested in poly relationships. I've even suggested it for my monogamous friends who are dealing with jealousy issues and it seemed beneficial to them. Lots of good stuff in there.

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#21963 - 03/13/09 05:40 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Carme]
daevid777 Offline
active member


Registered: 08/30/07
Posts: 951
Loc: Hell's Pisshole, Texas
I guess I'd be all for another woman on the side, for my woman... and I'd be willing to talk just fine.

New dick in the situation, there is no situation. No need for talk. I'm done. Buh bye.
_________________________
Where we're going, we don't need roads.

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#33842 - 01/11/10 06:11 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
Baron dHolbach Offline
member


Registered: 12/29/09
Posts: 162
I'm a zero-amorist. Having been married twice, both times for six years, and having now lived mate-free for fourteen years, I am very clear on my preference. I want no one but me to have any say (even an unofficial one) in any of my decisions on any subject! I am a very happy monad. The last thing on Earth that I would ever indulge in is polyamory! \:\)

As an aside, I'll note that I don't currently live alone, as my graduate student daughter is living with me. But that works just fine for me, because the situation isn't by any means a democracy. I do as I wish and she adjusts. I also hand her tons of money on request but hey, that's my choice!

The dominance of the alpha male in a wolf pack is most often expressed in just the way I've described: the alpha male does as he wishes and the rest of the pack adjusts. I can function happily as the alpha male wolf or as a lone wolf. Nothing else works for me.

A simple example is that my condo association assigns one numbered parking space to each condo. I take that space. My daughter parks in an unnumbered one. We didn't have to discuss this. No other scenario ever occurred to either one of us. This is the power differential that I prefer always to have!

I sometimes think I should try the dominant/submissive lifestyle as a top, but I'm fairly certain I would lose interest pretty quickly, as being a top requires a lot of energy, and most of the time I would rather invest my energy in whatever I feel like doing at the moment, with no regard for anyone else. My bottom would mutiny! \:\)

So for me it's zero-amory all the way!
_________________________
The baboon is the soul of man.



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#35839 - 02/19/10 08:57 PM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
contragenic Offline
stranger


Registered: 02/10/10
Posts: 9
Loc: Phoenix,Az
I highly recommend reading"the Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton. This book is written by an expert and it covers every possible pitfall and etiquette on the subject.The more you know the more you can share honey,life truly is too short for fantasies.
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#35879 - 02/21/10 02:28 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Baron dHolbach]
Fist Moderator Offline
veteran member


Registered: 08/31/07
Posts: 1453
Loc: B'mo Cautious MF
 Quote:
The dominance of the alpha male in a wolf pack is most often expressed in just the way I've described: the alpha male does as he wishes and the rest of the pack adjusts.


That might work well for canids but that is not the way things work in human clans. In man, the Alpha Male is expected to be a leader - in other words, lead by example. For the Alpha to maintain his position he must do things that benefit the group. A simple neolithic example would be where the Alpha is the bravest and best hunter. He fearlessly rushes head long with his spear toward and animal that out weighs him by 2000lbs. While he alone is unlikely to take down a bison in this fashion, his courage steels his mates and they too charge, causing multiple deep puncture wounds that ultimately bring down their prey. For his bravery is often given the best cuts and first dibs on the kill. Of course, as a good leader he shares his bounty with his tribe lauds his fellows in their actions to bring such a prize to the rest of the tribe.

Unfortunately, in modern society very few know how to act like a true Alpha Male.
_________________________
I am the Devil and I am here to do the Devil's work.

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#39512 - 06/23/10 07:12 AM Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Succubus666]
Meq Offline
Banned
active member


Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 861
The Power Dynamics of Cheating: Effects on Polyamory and Bisexuality

This PDF article is a worthwhile read for anyone interested in Polyamory and the challenges faced pursuing polyamorous relationships in a culture of monogamy.

Its analysis of cultural attitudes which equate polyamory with cheating, and see it as inevitably doomed to fail, is in my view pretty insightful - whether or not you agree with its conclusions.

Meq

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