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#27180 - 07/16/09 07:11 PM Personal Growth
TornadoCreator Offline
member


Registered: 10/24/07
Posts: 586
Loc: No Fixed Address
After a discussion with my dad, a little introspection and a look at this and a few other forums I frequent I realised that I have some major character flaws and I would like to ask this community, as the one by in large, that I respect the most, for a little help if they would indulge me.

I came back here claiming I'd changed. That I was more reasonable, less childish and more knowledgeable about the world. I feel this is accurate. However, I'm also abrasive, quick to anger, obnoxious, dismissive and needlessly confrontational. In many arguments I'm right yet effectively loose the argument because my ego won't let me explain my points calmly and I resort to calling people idiots and ignoring them.

I realise I have many idealistic opinions which practically I cannot support in any way other than verbally or by signing the odd petition or joining the odd protest. I consider myself a Libertarian and I suppose I lean more towards left wing politics than right. I want to continue to voice my opinions, discuss my ideals and debate with people to refine my political stance and perhaps the stances of others.

What I'm asking you all to do is simply this. Be constructive, don't use this as an excuse to berate or insult me. Give me your opinions on how I'd best improve. I realise I get peoples backs up and would like to improve so that I don't push people away over silly differences. I will take any advice given on board and I will try as best I can to consider each opinion carefully. After all, one much know when a trait is becoming more detrimental to their goals than advantageous, as a Satanist I should take control and better myself. I'm just not sure how.

I appreciate anyone who takes the time to respond. I will try to listen rather than simply reply off hand.
_________________________
If you can't practice what you preach, at least have the decency to preach what you practice

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#27183 - 07/17/09 12:48 AM Re: Personal Growth [Re: TornadoCreator]
Asmedious Moderator Offline
Moderator
senior member


Registered: 09/02/07
Posts: 1722
Loc: New York
First off, we have to realize, that in most situations, when people are having discussions, they are simply wishing to express their views, but more often then not, they don't really care that much about the other persons perspective. Hence, when a person appears to be listening to what you are saying, more often then not, they are simply just waiting for their turn to talk. That is, if they have the willpower to even wait for you to finish.

With that in mind, one thing that I sometimes try to practice, to improve on my compulsion and urge to express my opinion, is just simply try to withold it, unless specifically asked. I find that if I am succesful at keeping my mouth shut, when I have a great urge to speak, I may miss out on an opportunity to let someone know what I think, but I gain a lot more by improving and exercising my willpower.

I'm not suggesting that you sit there totally quiet, because that might look weird in certain social situations. But don't be bated into a discussion, which might not be a true SHARING of ideas, but instead just an opportunity for people to talk AT each other.

Another trick that I have used with limited success, is asking myself before expressing an opinion, "Will expressing my opinion now, make any difference to anyone at all, or do I just have a need to show off what I know?" You might be surprised how often the answer is the later; in which case what is the point? Chances are, no one really cares about what you have to say, but you.

The reason that I only have limited success with the above, is that I have to always make a concious effort to do these things, because keeping my mouth shut, unfortunately goes against my natural personality, and I do not know how to make it BECOME part of my personality, even though I wish to do so.

Second, look into the practice of Ration Emotive Behavior Therapy, a.k.a R.E.B.T, developed by Albert Ellis PHD (Psychology). There are pleanty of books on the subject, and much information online about it. Basically, it is a very affective psychological method, to help you gain complete control and perspective of your emotions and feelings. So far, for me, it is the only method of psychology that makes real sense, and can work very fast. The only possible negative side effect that I have had from it, is that some people have accused me of not having any emotion at all. When in fact, I still have the emotions that I have always have, but I am able to focus on the emotion, and WHAT triggers it, instead of automatically reacting to the trigger. Dr. Ellis explains it much better then I can here, but it really works.


Edited by Asmedious (07/17/09 12:53 AM)
_________________________
"The first order of government is the protection of its citizens right to be left alone."

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#27325 - 07/21/09 07:24 PM Re: Personal Growth [Re: Asmedious]
god.over.djinn Offline
pledge


Registered: 06/23/09
Posts: 75
Loc: Melbourne
Hi TC,

I don't have any problems with you. Well, actually, there is one problem: you worry too much about how other people are perceiving you and your posts.

If you want ideas on self-improvement: be proud of who you are. It will automatically lead people to respect you more. You will feel more powerful and wield more power, almost by accident. (NB: This may be easier to accomplish if you spend less time on an internet forum...)

G.O.D.
_________________________
SATAN, a recursive acronym invented by GOD: "SATAN: Advocating The Adversarial Nihilist"

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