What do you do when a missionary comes over? - Satanism Community


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#38125 - 04/27/10 02:25 AM What do you do when a missionary comes over?
Severed Soul Severed Soul stranger Registered: 04/04/10 Posts: 32 Loc: USA	There has only been a couple times that a Mormon or Jehovah Witness Missionary has come knocking on my door. Each time I ask them if they will take the time to listen to what i have to say about my beliefs, they insist on only speaking of how we all go to hell unless we go to their church service and let them save us. When they shut me down i do the same by telling them that they are already living in a self made hell (they always leave shortly after). I want to know about your experiences with missionaries. _________________________ “It's too bad that stupidity isn't painful.”- Anton LaVey
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#38129 - 04/27/10 06:01 AM Re: What do you do when a missionary comes over? [Re: Severed Soul]
Meq Meq Banned active member Registered: 08/28/07 Posts: 861 Loc: UK	I remember walking through my local town where I heard a street preacher bellowing about Jesus. "He walked among men!" he screamed. "Come to Jesus so that you may find peace!" "Peace and bigotry!" I yelled, before walking away... My most interesting experiences with Christians however have been online. Lacking the inhibiting effects of face-to-face interaction, their true colors come out much more clearly. Oh, how DARE you call them bigoted! Sure, everyone who doesn't share their opinions is going to the lake of fire, and they have a right to tell everyone their opinions, but you have no right to the opinion that that is bigoted. $;\)$
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#38130 - 04/27/10 07:47 AM Re: What do you do when a missionary comes over? [Re: Severed Soul]
Morgan Morgan senior member Registered: 08/29/07 Posts: 2297 Loc: New York City	Why would you ever let them in your house? You must know that nothing you will say ever change their views. When they used to ring my bell, I would tell them I was going to call the cops and get them arrested for trespassing. I try to avoid unnecessary discussions with idiots. Morgan _________________________ Courage Conquering Fear Fuck em if they can't take a joke Don't Like What I Say, Kiss My Ass.
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#38132 - 04/27/10 08:34 AM Re: What do you do when a missionary comes over? [Re: Morgan]
Anne Anne stranger Registered: 11/25/09 Posts: 30 Loc: Denmark	I've only been approched by a Jehova witness once, and that was back when I was around 15 standing around in my jammies and a top with hard nipples because of the cold -.- Didn't take long for em to realize I gave a damn and they toodled off again.. However I have been raised to hate jehova witnesses.. The reason for that is that they drove my fathers mother crazy before she past away, and I mean literally crazy because they would knock on the door, and if she wanted to shut the door, they would put a foot in the door and trespass, so when my dad and granddad came home, she would be all over the place and out of her self because of the nonsens the jehovas had filled her with.. I've always seen my father as a calm man with nerves of steel, until one of those jehovas comes along, then he sees red.. Luckily I havent been approched yet by one at my current adress, but should I be so "lucky" to be saved from my eternity in hell, i'll be sure to make it clear never to approch my door again! >.< _________________________ There is no heaven, there is no hell, except here on earth.. - Anton LaVey
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#38133 - 04/27/10 08:49 AM Re: What do you do when a missionary comes over? [Re: Anne]
Meq Meq Banned active member Registered: 08/28/07 Posts: 861 Loc: UK	Well my Dad became a Jehovah's Witness back in 1995. He became especially vocal about the sexual immorality of people in the 'world', who don't even feel the need to get married before having sex (of course he didn't wait until marriage, but that was when he was unsaved and sinful.) Although he was temporarily disfellowshipped for a couple of years after cheating on my mother with a girl half his age at his local Kingdom Hall (who was also married at the time), both of them have since been fully pardoned. They are now married and both are still active preachers. Meanwhile my dad still "fucking hates this world" and "can't wait until Armageddon comes". He also laughs off any suggestions that he appears hypocritical. He got my sister who was 10 at the time to plead with her mother to believe in the Bible so she wouldn't die at Armageddon. He didn't mince his words in telling her God's plans for all her friends and family who didn't believe. Then there are those who consider JWs to be harmless. I consider that a very naive stance, particularly when children or anyone emotionally vulnerable is involved. "Harmless" isn't a word I'd choose, personally.
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#38145 - 04/27/10 11:26 PM Re: What do you do when a missionary comes over? [Re: Meq]
The Zebu The Zebu active member Registered: 08/08/08 Posts: 1127 Loc: Orlando, FL	Like Angler fish, they're only nice until they hook you in-- then it's feeding time; with all the indoctrination, self-righteousness and guilt trips that come along with it. Never had to deal with any door-to-door people, but my time on college campus I often run into street preachers and self-appointed chapbook apostles. The rowdy belligerent preachers draw big crowds and it's great fun to shoot back and forth, but some of the more reserved types I've had a few straight-faced "debates" with. Other times I don't feel game, and pass them on by. Honestly, the hardest part is trying to suppress the urge to scream to their faces "YOUR GOD IS DEAD, I WORSHIP SATAN!" before tearing my clothes off and carving an inverted cross on my chest with a rusty nail.
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#38147 - 04/28/10 12:47 AM Re: What do you do when a missionary comes over? [Re: Severed Soul]
6Satan6Archist6 6Satan6Archist6 senior member Registered: 10/16/08 Posts: 2226 Loc: Oregon	I really have no time or inclination to engage in such exchanges anymore, but some very entertaining moments can come from answering the door with a heartfelt "Hail Satan!" _________________________ Ultimate Satanic Bad Ass of Ultimate Satanic Bad Assery PhD Esq. LLC Inc.^∞ DCLXVI°
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#38150 - 04/28/10 01:21 AM Re: What do you do when a missionary comes over? [Re: 6Satan6Archist6]
Severed Soul Severed Soul stranger Registered: 04/04/10 Posts: 32 Loc: USA	Originally Posted By: 6Satan6Archist6 I really have no time or inclination to engage in such exchanges anymore, but some very entertaining moments can come from answering the door with a heartfelt "Hail Satan!" Quick and too the point, haha that is a good way to get them to walk away. I really want one to eventually have to balls to hear the other side. _________________________ “It's too bad that stupidity isn't painful.”- Anton LaVey
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#38152 - 04/28/10 02:26 AM Re: What do you do when a missionary comes over? [Re: Severed Soul]
Eumendies Eumendies stranger Registered: 04/13/10 Posts: 11 Loc: Israel	I have no luck because every time i go out I have to meet one of them. Last week I had really funny experience. Two Jehovah's witnesses came to my house trying to speak with me and iv'e decided to try something. I stole a bible from their bag and put a copy of the Satanic Bible in there. It was fun to hear they scream when they found out... _________________________ Trust not the Apple, only the Worm
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#38160 - 04/28/10 07:19 AM Re: What do you do when a missionary comes over? [Re: SkaffenAmtiskaw]
Nemesis Nemesis senior member Registered: 09/01/07 Posts: 2029 Loc: US	Or you could always stage this scenario-- It's an old video, and I'm fairly certain it's fake, but still it's hilarious. _________________________ Nothing is sacred.
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#38162 - 04/28/10 08:08 AM Re: What do you do when a missionary comes over? [Re: Severed Soul]
Damis Damis pledge Registered: 12/10/08 Posts: 60 Loc: England	Since moving to Leeds for University, I see quite a lot of people soliciting for some cause or another in the street (it didn't seem to be nearly as common in the town where my permanent address is). However it's the vocal religious preachers that I find both amusing and the most interesting. i say interesting in the sense that, I wonder what they actually expect to gain from standing in the middle of the street waving their arms around and shouting about impending doom and the saviour, especially since they don't engage in any interaction, they just preach as loud as they can. Therefore it just seems very unlikely that someone is going to be converted by a few odd sentences as they walk past on their way to pick up their weekly groceries. If anything it just seems like a waste of time on all sides. Then again, I suppose it could be compared to the leaflet through the letterbox marketing tactic that someone on this forum once mentioned. Most leaflets will bring no fruit but once in a while one will result in a sale and it's cheap to do. Preaching in that manner similarly costs nothing and they are trying to 'sell' their product, in this case Christianity in all it's lovely flavours such as hypocrite surprise and blind faith ripple. $\:\)$ _________________________ Leben ist krieg.
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#38168 - 04/28/10 04:51 PM Re: What do you do when a missionary comes over? [Re: Damis]
Meq Meq Banned active member Registered: 08/28/07 Posts: 861 Loc: UK	Originally Posted By: Damis Preaching in that manner similarly costs nothing and they are trying to 'sell' their product, in this case Christianity in all it's lovely flavours such as hypocrite surprise and blind faith ripple. $\:\)$ Let's not forget their bigotry burst, homophobic hot fudge, Father's special secret altar-boy-fucking banana surprise, and a hearty dose of pseudoscientific pistachio. I call it a Sunday Sundae. $\:D$
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#38177 - 04/29/10 03:53 AM Re: What do you do when a missionary comes over? [Re: Meq]
Doomsage680 Doomsage680 member Registered: 10/01/09 Posts: 109 Loc: NJ, USA	I was volunteering at a Geriatric Center once and some Mormon's were there doing music. This one guy I was talking to had a nametag on, and if I'm not mistaken it said Padron Hernandes. Without realizing(padron means father in spanish) I assumed his first name was Padron, and in the end he tried giving me a pamphlet on how to get the Book of Mormon for free. I was a theistic satanist at the time, and said, "No I'm fine" but he insisted, "It will change your life." I took it, and later laughed at the idea of a Mexican Mormon. I guess it sort of makes sense since the Mormon's are in the South, so there would be a curious amount of Mexicano Mormonos. The back of the pamphlet had a way to get a Book of Mormon in spanish. It just goes to show that anyone will believe anything, no matter how crazy. Another time, at my house, 2 Jehova's Witnesses came to the door. My dad, a Presbyterian and my Mom, a Catholic(only in name, doesn't know anything about the religion) would not let them in to talk, even for a second. They accepted the pamphlet given, which I read. Something about avoiding Nuclear Holocaust and supporting Nuclear NonProliferation. I feel as though I would attempt to shatter their faith through a long, thoughtful conversation. I've helped to make my friend who wanted to be a priest question his Christianity seriously, but maybe I'm just young and naive. You all seem to have had more experience with these people. Still, I'd ask them the hard questions no theist has ever answered me. _________________________ "I who have nothing but the comfort of my sins" - Vinny Paz
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#38179 - 04/29/10 07:21 AM Re: What do you do when a missionary comes over? [Re: Doomsage680]
Nemesis Nemesis senior member Registered: 09/01/07 Posts: 2029 Loc: US	My earliest and fondest memories of Jehovah's Witnesses always occurred when I would visit my dad on the weekends. They'd come by in the mornings when I was watching cartoons, and dad was doing things around the house, getting ready to work out in the garage or outside in the yard. My dad couldn't afford to have the air conditioner fixed, so the windows were always open. We would hear them coming, or see them across the street bothering the neighbors. So I'd turn the tv off, and when we heard them approach our front porch, my dad and I would hide in the hallway. Mainly because those nosy bastards would try to look into our windows and see if anyone was home. A couple more knocks, and they were on their way. I always thought it was funny, although they would annoy the hell out of my dad. Although one time they came by and my dad wasn't home, so I answered the door (mentally kicking myself when I saw who it was). They chatted with me, gave me a nice hard-cover illustrated book, and left. I didn't tell my dad, because I knew he'd have been mad that I answered the door. Upon reading through the book, I'd come across a paragraph which said my earthly father wasn't my real father, but that God was instead. That really pissed me off. When I was a kid, I was really touchy about my dad for a long time because of my parents' divorce when I was 7. The surest way to wound me was to talk trash about him. So when I read that, several times over just to make sure I'd read it correctly, I threw the book across the room. I thought to myself, "What kind of an asshole is this God?" Never finished it. I think that experience started me on my path of questioning God, because just a few years later when I was 13, I reverted to Atheism due to lack of evidence of God's existence. _________________________ Nothing is sacred.
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#38188 - 04/30/10 01:20 AM Re: What do you do when a missionary comes over? [Re: Nemesis]
ta2zz ta2zz veteran member Registered: 08/28/07 Posts: 1413 Loc: Connecticut	I'm getting old thought I posted this last night. Not many people knock at my door anymore and the ones that do usually don’t stick around long after the dog’s growl a bit. Once in awhile an adventurous soul dares their luck and most of the time if you’re an unannounced guest that’s as far as you get. If I don’t know you are coming over and you’re nobody me or my dogs recognize well shit what the hell makes you think I would waste my time opening my door to you? On the odd occasion that I do answer the door I act how I feel that day. Mostly Ill tell them to have a nice day I’m just uninterested, Sorry I don’t want any and close the door. Sometimes when I’m feeling chatty I’ll listen to them a bit, trying to look slightly uninterested, usually they catch on fast and start talking about my dogs. When they do at least they mostly leave with a smile. It warms my cold black heart bringing a smile to a JW’s face. ~T~ PS. I take the free schwag as well never know when Ill sell some sheep a tattoo from a picture out of one of them so they get added to the collection. _________________________ We are the music makers, And we are the dreamers of dreams. ~Arthur William Edgar O'Shaughnessy
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