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#41676 - 08/09/10 12:41 PM The TRUTH
6Satan6Archist6 Offline
stalker


Registered: 10/16/08
Posts: 2509
Last night, while I was sleeping, God came to me in a dream. But this isn't like any god you have ever heard of. This one is 12 feet tall, looks an awful lot like the offspring of a camel that was raped by an alligator and wears a propeller hat and orange and blue life jacket, neon-pink roller-skates and a sequin zebra striped clip-on tie.

Its' name is Q'jhxzyedf (pronounced "Bill") and it has tasked me with building it's new kingdom on Earth. Oh, by the way, Earth is actually called Xyxth135. Q'jhxzyedf has provided me with its autobiography titled "I am Q'jhxzyedf and You Are All idiotic Stupid Doo Doo Heads if You Don't Believe in Me" - which I am currently hard at work transferring to Ebook format, as is the preferred format of the gods.

Q'jhxzyedf exists in a reality known as Dverkiskentykowng. This reality occupies the same time and space as ours but is not perceptible to any of us, except for me, I am the special chose one. From now on, when Q'jhxzyedf speaks, it will be through me.

Q'jhxzyedf wants you all to know that refusal to believe will result in death at one point or another. Belief, however, will be rewarded with immortality. Not like the Christian immortality, none of us get to go to Dverkiskentykowng (also known as The Land of Big Titty Cocaine Strippers) except for me of course, but you will never, ever, ever, ever die. Plus you will get a bigger penis, or bigger boobs, whichever you want.

Act now, Q'jhxzyedf grows impatient.
_________________________
No gods. No masters.

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#41679 - 08/09/10 01:15 PM Re: The TRUTH [Re: 6Satan6Archist6]
Dimitri Offline
stalker


Registered: 07/13/08
Posts: 3119
 Quote:
Not like the Christian immortality, none of us get to go to Dverkiskentykowng (also known as The Land of Big Titty Cocaine Strippers) except for me of course, but you will never, ever, ever, ever die. Plus you will get a bigger penis, or bigger boobs, whichever you want.

Possibility of both bigger boobs and penis ?
Either way sign me up... mhehehe .. boooooobssss..
_________________________
Ut vivat, crescat et floreat

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#41680 - 08/09/10 01:24 PM Re: The TRUTH [Re: Dimitri]
6Satan6Archist6 Offline
stalker


Registered: 10/16/08
Posts: 2509
I'm afraid it is not that simple. First you must go outside, stand in front of your house or other place of residence and, while spinning counter-clockwise, with your hands firmly at your sides and your chin pointed towards the sky, scream the invocation to Q'jhxzyedf as loud as you can, 300 times. Here is the invocation, straight from the Ebook: "1110010011000101011101 11000111001 1000101010 0110110". This can only be done at 2100 hours on the third Wednesday of every other month as that is the only time anything said in our world can transfer over the barrier between us and Dverkiskentykowng. You are in luck, however, because this month happens to be one of those months.
_________________________
No gods. No masters.

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#41772 - 08/11/10 09:20 AM Re: The TRUTH [Re: 6Satan6Archist6]
Lamar Offline
member


Registered: 02/03/10
Posts: 226
Loc: Alabama
So I did the invocation to Q'jhxzyedf and my neighbors mistook me as a retard with tourette syndrome. I must say, however, I have BIG penis now. You think I'm joking, but that does not matter.
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#41785 - 08/11/10 12:18 PM Re: The TRUTH [Re: Lamar]
6Satan6Archist6 Offline
stalker


Registered: 10/16/08
Posts: 2509
You obviously did it wrong. The invocation can only be done, with success, on the third Wednesday of every other month. There is still a week to go. You can't fool me for I am the Highest Grand Magister of the 16th Sepulcher of the Council of the Altar of Q'jhxzyedf LLC.
_________________________
No gods. No masters.

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#41805 - 08/11/10 08:24 PM Re: The TRUTH [Re: 6Satan6Archist6]
Autodidact Offline
member


Registered: 01/23/10
Posts: 428
 Originally Posted By: Lamar
I must say, however, I have BIG penis now.
 Originally Posted By: 6Satan6Archist6
You obviously did it wrong.


You'll forgive me if I disagree
_________________________
An nescis, mi fili, quantilla prudentia mundus regatur?

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#41807 - 08/11/10 08:32 PM Re: The TRUTH [Re: Autodidact]
6Satan6Archist6 Offline
stalker


Registered: 10/16/08
Posts: 2509
 Originally Posted By: Autodidact
 Originally Posted By: Lamar
I must say, however, I have BIG penis now.
 Originally Posted By: 6Satan6Archist6
You obviously did it wrong.


You'll forgive me if I disagree


I wouldn't be so quick to make such a grand assumption.

Q'jhxzyedf is not very forgiving and neither is the Highest Grand Magister of the 16th Sepulcher of the Council of the Altar of Q'jhxzyedf LLC.
_________________________
No gods. No masters.

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#41809 - 08/11/10 08:49 PM Re: The TRUTH [Re: 6Satan6Archist6]
Autodidact Offline
member


Registered: 01/23/10
Posts: 428
 Originally Posted By: 6Satan6Archist6
 Originally Posted By: Autodidact
 Originally Posted By: Lamar
I must say, however, I have BIG penis now.
 Originally Posted By: 6Satan6Archist6
You obviously did it wrong.


You'll forgive me if I disagree


I wouldn't be so quick to make such a grand assumption.

Q'jhxzyedf is not very forgiving and neither is the Highest Grand Magister of the 16th Sepulcher of the Council of the Altar of Q'jhxzyedf LLC.


But wait - if I already have the bigger penis, then the Bit Titty fnord Cocaine Strippers will perceive me as their God, even if I'm in an alternate reality and they're only canonical.

Since I cannot perceive Dverkiskentykowng (a fact you've already accepted), you cannot prove to me that I did not cause my own enlight^H^H^H^H^Hlargement. I therefore cannot accept fnord your story of Q'jhxzyedf.

Clearly, this will acause them to Fall into my reality, where they will be the Subjects and I will be the Object representation.

I've logically disproved your belief - come into my space fnord and apprehend the Strippers.
_________________________
An nescis, mi fili, quantilla prudentia mundus regatur?

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#41812 - 08/11/10 09:16 PM Re: The TRUTH [Re: 6Satan6Archist6]
Dan_Dread Offline
stalker


Registered: 10/08/08
Posts: 3813
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
 Originally Posted By: 6Satan6Archist6

I wouldn't be so quick to make such a grand assumption.

Q'jhxzyedf is not very forgiving and neither is the Highest Grand Magister of the 16th Sepulcher of the Council of the Altar of Q'jhxzyedf LLC.



Q'jhxzyedf came to me during a ritual, and told me that you do not speak for him. He then bestowed upon me the honour of heading up the TRUE temple of Q'jhxzyedf, who is only known by that name to the lower level initiates anyway. To the enlightened, his name is Todd.

As the high priest of the Temple of Todd, I declare for all to hear, that you are a fraud.
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ADM
ideological vandal

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#41816 - 08/11/10 09:38 PM Re: The TRUTH [Re: Dan_Dread]
6Satan6Archist6 Offline
stalker


Registered: 10/16/08
Posts: 2509
This heresy has already been debunked here
_________________________
No gods. No masters.

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#41853 - 08/12/10 11:49 AM Re: The TRUTH [Re: 6Satan6Archist6]
TV is God Moderator Offline
Moderator
member


Registered: 08/11/08
Posts: 273
Loc: The Cornhole
I post - for comments - part of a controversial, and recent, article from the Counsel of Six Anals about Q'jhxzyedf.

BILL IS A PUSSY

If there is one thing which expresses the essence of the Satanic ethos it is culling; and if there is one way to detect a pseudo-Satanist it is their attitude to culling.

" I accept there is no law, no authority, no justice
Except my own
And that culling is a necessary act of Life.
I believe in one guide, Satan,
And in our right to rule mundanes.
You want somma this?! I'll cull your ass!
Yeah you BETTER keep walkin!"
-One of our badass members preaching the good word in the street

Counsel of Six Anals has always advocated the culling of Billtards and Toddfags cause they're all little bitches.
What they say is just so retarded it's like oh my freakin' god.

Now some pseudo-satanists say it's not practical or meaningful to not just leave them alone. To us, this is just Nazarene-speak, covered by the slick words of weedy charlatans. For they are basically weak, afraid. They ain't got our fresh style and they ain't got nothin' on us. They just little mundane PUNKS.

They can't touch this. Why? Cause we're really dark. We're sinister. We're evil motherfuckers -if i wake up - every morning - and - look in the - mirror - and say - man I'm a bad - ass - satan worshiping mother - fucker - then - its a - good day


For us, culling is natural fact of life of how we live, or how we desire to live. We hard. We bad. Bill punks are gonna get slapped like the little bitches they are Council of Six Anals style!


So, good riddance to mundane trash. Good riddance to everything mundane.


Edited by TV is God (08/12/10 11:49 AM)

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#41854 - 08/12/10 11:58 AM Re: The TRUTH [Re: TV is God]
Asmedious Moderator Offline
Moderator
senior member


Registered: 09/02/07
Posts: 1725
Loc: New York
FINAYLLY!! Someone that actually makes sense!

Sign me up Ya'll. I's wanna be a dark mof'fo too. I'm a natural born Todd-ian. I knew this from preschool (Special ed class) all the way until I almost gots my Genereal Equviancy Depoma.
_________________________
"The first order of government is the protection of its citizens right to be left alone."

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#41858 - 08/12/10 04:40 PM Re: The TRUTH [Re: Asmedious]
6Satan6Archist6 Offline
stalker


Registered: 10/16/08
Posts: 2509
You're in luck! Membership to the 16th Sepulcher of the Council of the Altar of Q'jhxzyedf LLC is now open. And all we ask is a mandatory donation of $199.99 - that is less than a membership to CoS! Act now as space is limited and spots are filling up fast.

Details can be found at http://qjhxzyedf.weebly.com/join-16th-sepulcher-of-the-council-of-the-altar-of-qjhxzyedf-llc.html
_________________________
No gods. No masters.

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