The point that you miss about your writing is that it doesn't make one shit of difference what YOUR opinion is of it. Writing is wasted if no one wants to read it, and the perception of the reader is key to the success of the writer.
If you want to write for yourself, go buy a diary. If you want to write for others, learn to do it in a way that will make people WANT to read it.
I don't read what you write either. Matter of fact, I thought you were ESL until recently. You write like you just learned English last month.