#21980 - 03/13/09 07:38 PM
Re: Jokes
[Re: lux]
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Michael A.Aquino
stalker
Registered: 09/28/08
Posts: 2514
Loc: San Francisco, CA, USA
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Very amusing thread; thanks everybody. Whenever I visit Vegas, I always ask the cab driver from the airport for the best joke he's heard recently. From my last trip:
A man, recently arrived in town, wishes to join the local church. "Ours is a very moral church," says the pastor, "so we have a test for every applicant - to abstain from sex with your wife for the next three weeks. Come back and see me then."
Three weeks later they meet again, and the pastor enquires, "Well, how did you do?"
"The first week was easy. The second week was more difficult, but I got through it O.K. The third week ... Well, I'm sorry ... My wife dropped a can of beans on the floor, and when she bent over to pick it up, I just couldn't stand it and let her have it right then."
"Then I'm afraid," said the pastor sternly, "that you won't be able to join our church."
"I kind of figured that," said the man sadly. "They won't let me back in that Safeway again either."
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#24853 - 05/21/09 07:09 AM
Re: Jokes
[Re: Nemesis]
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Nemesis
senior member
Registered: 09/01/07
Posts: 2175
Loc: US
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The Husband Store
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited
_________________________
Nothing is sacred.
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#24856 - 05/21/09 09:38 AM
Re: Jokes
[Re: spiderbreeder]
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Dan_Dread
stalker
Registered: 10/08/08
Posts: 3810
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
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-What did the mexican say when two houses fell on him?
-Get off me, homes!
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What do you call a 4 foot mexican?
A paragraph, because he is too short to be an essay.
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-How was it known that princess di had dandruff?
-because they found her head and shoulders in the glove box....
_________________________
ADMideological vandal
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