Page 6 of 12 « First<45678>Last »
Topic Options
#26875 - 07/06/09 11:58 AM Re: Jokes [Re: 6Satan6Archist6]
Meq Offline
Banned
active member


Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 861
One day, a Communist happened upon a magic lamp.

On touching the lamp, a genie appeared, and said, "I can grant you anything you desire. There is only one catch."

"What is that?" the Communist replied.

"For everything I give you, I must give your neighbor double."

"In that case," said the Communist, "Take out one of my eyes."

Top
#26895 - 07/06/09 11:30 PM Re: Jokes [Re: Meq]
Jester Offline
pledge


Registered: 02/05/09
Posts: 62
Loc: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
3 explorers were looking in the forest when they were captured by Indians. They were taken to their chief, and he said go out into the forest and come back with 10 of the same kind of fruits. The first guy comes back with 10 bannanas, and the chief says, shove them all up your butt without making a sound.
So the 1st guy gets 2 bannanas in when he starts screaming, so the indians kill him. The second guy comes back with 10 berries, and they shove 9 in and are about to shove the 10th in when he starts laughing, and so since he made a sound the indians killed him too.
Now the first two explorers souls fly out of their bodies and into heaven and they start talking. The first explorer says 'Hey dude why did you laugh you could've gone back and told out families what had happened'.
The 2nd explorer replies, 'Sorry I just couldn't stop when I saw fred comin down the hill with 10 pinneapples.
_________________________
"...And I thought my jokes were bad."

Top
#26937 - 07/08/09 12:57 PM Re: Jokes [Re: Picunnus]
Emily Offline
stranger


Registered: 05/20/09
Posts: 23
Loc: north wales, U.K
Q. how do you make a maltese cross?
A. kick him in the balls and that should do it

three nuns die and go to heaven. When they are by the gates of heaven god says, "before you enter you have to answer a question each".
god says to the 1st nun "heres your question: who was the first man?"
1st nun: adam
god: correct, you may enter heaven.
2nd nun comes
god: who was the first female?
2nd nun: eve
god:you may enter heaven
3rd nun comes
god: this is a tricky question, but what was the first thing eve said to adam?
3rd nun: ummm.....thats a hard one...
god: correct, you may enter heaven.

lol
_________________________
when theres a will, theres five hundred relatives

Top
#26939 - 07/08/09 01:21 PM Re: Jokes [Re: Emily]
Fist Moderator Offline
veteran member


Registered: 08/31/07
Posts: 1453
Loc: B'mo Cautious MF
Q: How is Obama like God?

A: God doesn't have a birth certificate either.



Q: How is Obama different from God?

A: God does not think he is Obama.
_________________________
I am the Devil and I am here to do the Devil's work.

Top
#27005 - 07/10/09 07:08 AM Re: Jokes [Re: Picunnus]
Jester Offline
pledge


Registered: 02/05/09
Posts: 62
Loc: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, T-G-I-F.

blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, T-G-I-F.

He smiled at her and replied, S-H-I-T.

She looked puzzled and repeated, T-G-I-F, more slowly.

He again answered, S-H-I-T.

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, T-G-I-F.

The man smiled back to her and once again, S-H-I-T.

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.

T-G-I-F means Thank Goodness Its Friday. Get it, duuhhh?

The man answered, S-H-I-T means Sorry, Honey, Its Thursday.
_________________________
"...And I thought my jokes were bad."

Top
#27416 - 07/23/09 06:02 AM Re: Jokes [Re: Jester]
Meq Offline
Banned
active member


Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 861
British Humour:

The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.

The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.

"Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired."

She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"

This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.

The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!"

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up,
"Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

Top
#27524 - 07/26/09 07:57 AM Re: Jokes [Re: lux]
Meq Offline
Banned
active member


Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 861
I just got this in my inbox and it made milk come out my nose, so I thought I'd share.
I've only included parts of it, if any are interested I'd post more:


I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get so stressed, and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well couldn't believe it.... He was a MIDGET!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

--------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday morning I got up early to go fishing, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and tip-toed into the garage. I hooked up the boat to the truck and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

Top
#27545 - 07/26/09 01:26 PM Re: Jokes [Re: Meq]
Nemesis Offline
senior member


Registered: 09/01/07
Posts: 2175
Loc: US
Hahaha, like the second one \:D

This one's not quite a joke, but still funny--

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

The end
_________________________
Nothing is sacred.

Top
#27975 - 08/06/09 06:37 AM Re: Jokes [Re: Nemesis]
Meq Offline
Banned
active member


Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 861
Why does Jonah hate pussy?

It brings back bad memories...

Top
#28113 - 08/07/09 10:51 PM Re: Jokes [Re: Meq]
Azathoth68 Offline
pledge


Registered: 07/18/09
Posts: 74
Loc: Denver, CO USA
Jonah got ate by the whale, but was he post-menstrual? Sorry, I tried to get that joke and failed, miserably..
Top
#28127 - 08/08/09 03:54 AM Re: Jokes [Re: Azathoth68]
Morgan Offline
Princess of Hell
stalker


Registered: 08/29/07
Posts: 2956
Loc: New York City
Pussy reminded him of tuna.....

The scent of bad fish.....




M
_________________________
Courage Conquering Fear
Fuck em if they can't take a joke
Don't Like What I Say, Kiss My Ass



Top
#28128 - 08/08/09 04:26 AM Re: Jokes [Re: Morgan]
ceruleansteel Offline
active member


Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 784
Loc: Behind you
Little boy asks his mom, "Why are you white and I'm black?"

"Don't even go there." She replies. "I STILL remember that party, and you're lucky you aren't barking."

Top
#48010 - 02/03/11 10:52 PM Re: Jokes [Re: ceruleansteel]
Pheonix666 Offline
stranger


Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 22
Loc: So Cal
A guy walks into a bar... ouch.
_________________________
I bring the Light, but will you receive it?

Top
#48017 - 02/04/11 12:30 AM Re: Jokes [Re: lux]
Michael A.Aquino Offline
stalker


Registered: 09/28/08
Posts: 2599
Loc: San Francisco, CA, USA
Anton LaVey took Lilith & myself out to dinner in L.A. one evening, and at one point, completely casually the way he could be, he asked Lilith to look down and spell "attic".
_________________________
Michael A. Aquino

Top
#48019 - 02/04/11 12:35 AM Re: Jokes [Re: Michael A.Aquino]
Jake999 Offline
senior member


Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 2230
 Originally Posted By: Michael A.Aquino
Anton LaVey took Lilith & myself out to dinner in L.A. one evening, and at one point, completely casually the way he could be, he asked Lilith to look down and spell "attic".


LOL!!! It works every time.
_________________________
Bury your dead, pick up your weapon and soldier on.


Top
Page 6 of 12 « First<45678>Last »


Moderator:  Woland, TV is God, fakepropht, SkaffenAmtiskaw, Asmedious, Fist 
Hop to:

Generated in 0.022 seconds of which 0.004 seconds were spent on 28 queries. Zlib compression disabled.