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#8713 - 05/16/08 03:43 AM Fear Factors for Satanists
ZephyrGirl Offline
R.I.P.
active member


Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 706
Loc: Adelaide Australia
Well, the conversation in Food and Drink that turned to Fear Factor, made me wonder what this bunch of big tough (or little tough) Satanists are scared of? Or probably, have overcome a fear of. One would hope that no Satanists have yet to face up to and overcome their fears (depending on age I guess).

Anyway, thought I'd start a thread on it, but feel free to talk about Fear Factor also, as that way we shouldn't hijack the odd foods thread.

Here goes, when I was a little kid I was told that ghosts and aliens were real, so they were my fears when I was younger. Henceforth I was scared of the dark and didn't actually kick that one until I had my own children, so I slept with a nightlight (when alone) until I was in my late 20's. Sad but true. I lived in the country until I was about 16, so I wouldn't let my Mum leave me at home alone at night. I was alright in the city. In the city there was only robbers, rapists etc to worry about and for some reason real threats like that didn't bother me, it was the dubious ones that worried me. I'm not at all scared of the dark now, though. I guess once you have to start helping your own kids through their fears and are the head of the house, you work through these things.

As for fear factor, I would love to do a show like that if it wasn't for the horrible food. It's not so much that I'm scared of it, but that I have a very weak stomach and wouldn't have a hope in hell of eating some of that stuff without gagging etc. The spiders, snakes, crawly bugs etc wouldn't bother me, I mean the spiders would, but not that much that I wouldn't give them a red hot go and try to overcome them. And heights are a breeze.

One thing I did see on Fear Factor, that I think would have been pretty difficult for anyone, was they had to crawl into an alligator's hole, with the alligator inside. Of course it was tethered, but even so, it could move a fair bit and it's mouth wasn't roped close. They had to get into it from under the water (only shallow) and retrieve a ball that was next to the alligator tail.

Zeph
_________________________
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass -
It's about learning to dance in the rain.


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#8717 - 05/16/08 07:27 AM Re: Fear Factors for Satanists [Re: ZephyrGirl]
PigFeeder Offline
member


Registered: 03/17/08
Posts: 294
Loc: Near Montreal, QC
Fear Factor: Country Style

A bunch of buddies and I were playing soccer in the field closest to my house in late fall when someone tripped over the elctrical wiring to keep the cattle within the field. The cattle had just been brought in a day or two ago, but all the same my friend [Alex] tripped over and yelled the classic "OW!". He then said that he thought it shocked him. Another friend and I told him that by now it would be off but he continued on saying no it has to be on. So he dared the farmer buddy of mine that seemingly was so sure it was off, to 'Piss on the fence'. HE said if every one gave him a dollar then he would do it. I gladly forked over a buck 50 to see this hilariously classic display of stupidity.

Much to his dismay the fence WAS indeed on. A sad day for him, I remember him in tears. We laughed at him for awhile then as the tears cleared away he laughed as well. The stupid things we enjoy in life. Haha.



I think most children go through that Fear Factor or 'Jackass' time in there life where a bunch of friends gather around and agree to do some stupid shit. Over a span of 4 and a half months we grabbed the Video Camera and decidely took it out to film some of our own 'Jackass'. I stil watch it and it is filled with some of the funniest shit ever.. People I've shown it too have glady handed the 'Trophy of having Most Balls' to us.

A few examples: Garter Snakes commonly nest together in huge piles. The sight of it can be a rare one but can often give you a case of the jitters. They aren't dangerous but they do bite and if you would let's say, happen to fall into one.. The consequence qould be the disturbance of said snakes, and nearing close to a 150 pissed of snakes trying to bite whatever is fucking with them. It will hurt. So naturally we had a bit of fun.

We set up ramps on one side of the pit, the goal: Take the mountain bike and clear the ramp and pit. Sounds simple enough. Except for the fact that there was one of the guys standing 20 ft from the pit with a potato gun ready to be fired at you. So the faster you went the more chance you had. [Oh did I mention going to far and having not enough control over the bike after the jump would land you in a SHIT LOAD of Poison Ivy?] Johnny boy actually got hit in the head with the potato gun and ended up kocked over sideways landing in the snake pit. Which resulted in thrashing little snakes biting like crazy. He couldn't get much of a foothold to get out but he did eventually. We ran over and gave him a hand out. When he got out he had small bite marks all over his body and still had one trying to bite through his shirt. Oh the good times. Oh and he has a perpetual fear of snakes now by the way.


This was one of my favorites: Stick On A Shit

My friend Alex had this farm right, and a HUGE pile of manure. Then about 50-60 ft above that was this parralel beam. The shit was like covered but not in a buliding. [Like a Covered Bridge]. So we got some broom handles, padded them up, and had a tournament of 7 people. The winner would go on, the loser, 'was the shit'. The goal was to knock your opponent off into the pile of shit. I ended up losing in my second fight, got that sucked. Yes, I fell into the pile of shit. Of course then the winner was boasting with pride after that. So naturally, we had to do something. We all ganged up grabbed him and threw him in. Lol the good times, oh I do so miss them.

I'm curious to see what other people have done as a child maybe? Of even maybe crazy shit they've done when they were older that involved fear of some sort.

~~Snow~~.
_________________________
For all murderers, I am the leader.
Forever, Rob, The 49 PigFeeder.
NecroMantic Sin.

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#8719 - 05/16/08 03:06 PM Re: Fear Factors for Satanists [Re: PigFeeder]
Amina Offline
member


Registered: 03/08/08
Posts: 177
Loc: Denmark
I think it is hard one two answer. LaVey talks about how morality and taboos are not a bad thing, but a good because of the chill you get when you do something forbidden. I think this is true.

I remember when as a child I could get a good scare by doing something "dangerous" like trying the biggest rollercoaster or walking in a scary place at night. As a grown up I find that most of these things are gone. I am not afraid of the dark, snakes, rats, spiders and so on and I don't believe in any monsters except the human kind. Feces and piss is not something I want to deal with, but after having two kids in diapers you get used to it. Strange kinds of food? Sure, there are stuff I wouldn't want to eat, but I have tried to cook frogs, snails, alligator and so on. If I had to, I would/could eat anything I guess. Rollercoaster? Don't like them anymore. I can take any ride if I have to, but I don't get a trill by doing so. Sexual taboos? Been there, done that. Couldn't really find any taboos to deal with. What do I fear today? Stuff like global warming, the prise of gasoline, getting cancer and stuff like that. Nothing a kind of fear you can get a good thrill from.

My best advice: If you have any fears or taboos don't necessarily try to overcome them. You will probably just miss the thrill, and creating new taboos and fears doesn't come easy.

- Amina

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#8721 - 05/16/08 03:23 PM Re: Fear Factors for Satanists [Re: Amina]
PigFeeder Offline
member


Registered: 03/17/08
Posts: 294
Loc: Near Montreal, QC
I ignorantly didn't even think of fears you don't get a thrill from and thank you Amina for bringign that up. Price of gas and Global Warming are two things I too find at times frightening. Also the World Food Crisis that is in process. I also fear getting fat, the same routine every day, and becoming hideously looking. [Yes it seems I can be at times quite vain]. I don't know why, suppose it has a lot to do with not wanting people to think I'm some disgusting nobody? Well anyway, there are millions of things to fear in this world, I suppose it just depends on either how ignorant you are, or how intelligent.

~~Snow~~.
_________________________
For all murderers, I am the leader.
Forever, Rob, The 49 PigFeeder.
NecroMantic Sin.

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#8723 - 05/16/08 03:38 PM Re: Fear Factors for Satanists [Re: PigFeeder]
Amina Offline
member


Registered: 03/08/08
Posts: 177
Loc: Denmark
 Originally Posted By: PigFeeder
I also fear getting fat, the same routine every day, and becoming hideously looking.


I guess that is yet another kind of fear: the fear of loosing what you got. Now you mention it, I guess this is yet another kind of fear you don't want to loose. The only way you can be sure not to loose anything you got is to not have anything in the first place. Don't ever get a good job, a good home, a good health, kids, a partner, friends, pets, good looks and so on. The fear of loosing is a natural part of having and keeping something worthwhile in the first place, so this is yet another kind of fear you need.

- Amina

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#8729 - 05/16/08 09:03 PM Re: Fear Factors for Satanists [Re: Amina]
ZephyrGirl Offline
R.I.P.
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Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 706
Loc: Adelaide Australia
Yes, I can see what you are saying, but I just thought of a fear that borders on outright paranoina and that's having my breathing cut off.

I can only hold my breath for a paltry 30 odd seconds and if someone jokingly holds me under water I go absolutely beserk. No choking erotica for me. LOL. It's not a taboo thing, it's an outright fear. I was thinking about that last night after I posted actually. Obviously it's the type of fear that I don't really need to loose though to function properly in life. Some peoples fears do stop them from functioning properly though.

Zeph
_________________________
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass -
It's about learning to dance in the rain.


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#8730 - 05/16/08 09:33 PM Re: Fear Factors for Satanists [Re: ZephyrGirl]
fakepropht Moderator Offline
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Registered: 08/29/07
Posts: 990
Loc: Texas
The only tangible thing that scares me is bugs. Specifically spiders. I can be around them, observe them, get near them. But when they are on the move, or somehow blocking my path or someplace I have to put my hands. Oh hell no!!! I cringe and roll into a fetal mass. I have been held at bay by a simple spider. I don't want to kill them. But am nervous about removing them in a humane manner. Partly the reason I have a giant ass spider tattooed on my elbow. I can trace my apprehension back to my youth. We would play in the woods and around the town. Often engaging in variations of "guns". Break up into teams, try to "kill" each other. While playing this game, I spied a drainage ditch that would provide the perfect cover for a sniper or ambush attack. I plunged headlong into the pipe. Only to be greated by sticking my face into a web supporting the biggest yellow and black spider I have ever had the misfortune of being centimeters away from. My memory tells me this spider was as long as an adult's open hand, hairy, and literally on my face. I wigged out. I am also nervous about losing what I hold on to. I enjoy a particular lifestyle. I hate my job. But it allows me to enjoy that lifestyle. So instead of quitting and looking for something that pays less, but would put a smile on my face going to work each morning, I grumpily slog to work. I get nervous around cops. 90% of the time I am law abiding. But I still get a little twitchy when one is following me in traffic. I usually find the first place to duck off into without attracting attention and let the officer roll by.

Fear Factor. If it were not for the food, and possible spider, I would kill on that show. All the stunts and challenges were a piece of cake to me. I could flip a car, crawl across beams 100 feet in the air, swim in chum and dive for a key. Eat rotten cow balls, goat eyes, worms, or lay in a bed of spiders? Hell no. I can not handle weird food textures, tastes, or cuts of meat. Were it not for soju and buddies, I would not have eaten the live squid in Korea. My wife loves menudo. I won't eat any more than sips of the broth. I won't eat tongue, kidney, liver, heart, eye, balls, gelatinous goop, or anything that I know ahead of time didn't come from a cow, pig, goat, or chicken muscle.

I could go for days with stunts and dumb shit I pulled. A few highlights from my career of defying death and dismemberment. Playing "guns" with bb guns. Using M80s as weapons. Holding fire crackers in my fingers till they explode. Cliff diving. Lighting myself on fire.

I once got arrested for reckless endangerment for going 45mph on my skateboard. There was a monster hill near my house. Angled at like 60 degrees and going for nearly a mile. I would ride my skateboard down the hill luge style. One time a cop was hiding to trap cars that were speeding down the hill. This hill was in a park and the posted speed limit was 5 mph. He clocked me going 45 and promptly pulled me over. Since I had no helmet, protective gear, was dressed in a tee shirt and shorts, and was going in excess of 40 miles over the speed limit, he arrested me and booked me for reckless endangerment. I had to pay a hefty fine(my parents actually, which I then had to pay them off).

I would play a game with my Army buddies called "Whose the Man"? We would attempt to one up each other with stunts and feats. We were camping out on the beach one time with our girlfriends. Drunkeness "whose the man" ensued. I remember my best friend one upped me somehow. Then to gloat, he stood in the fire we had going and started chanting "whose the man, whose the man"? I turned to my soon to be wife and said I am. I took a cup of kerosene, poured it in my mouth, and spit it on the fire. An inferno quickly engulfed him and singed off all his hair, including some on his head. He jumped out and was blubbering like a baby. I asked him, "whose the man now"? Needless to say, his girl was pissed at me, he was pissed at me, and the rest of the night sucked.

We used to ride at a bmx dirt track we had built. We built a monster jump in one section. I figured out that if we put a sheet of plywood on the curb, we could get a head start and hit that jump and fly. We began going for records. Stacking tires to see who could go the highest and over them. Then we stretched them out to see who could go the furthest. After a few practice runs, I was ready to decimate all competition and lay down both a distance and height record that would never be matched. I figured out that by going around the corner, there was another paved, steep ass hill. It would give me the momentum and as long as I could make the curve and maintain the momentum when I hit the dirt track, I would be flying. I had them stack 7 tires up on top of each other, and then layed 6 people on the ground shoulder to shoulder after the tire stack. Brave idiots they were. I climbed the hill and peddled for all it was worth. I made the corner and was hauling ass. I cleared the 7 tires, cleared the human landing strip with ease, and sailed on for quite a distance. Upon landing, my face met the handle bars, my balls met the seat, and I ended up crashing Evel Knevil style in the bushes. But I set a record that no one else even had the nuts to attempt. It was later that day that Mt St Helens erupted and sent a black ass cloud into town. It obliterated all light and dumped a shit load of ash all over town. Good times!!!
_________________________
Beer, the reason I get up every afternoon.

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#8734 - 05/16/08 11:10 PM Re: Fear Factors for Satanists [Re: ZephyrGirl]
Nemesis Offline
senior member


Registered: 09/01/07
Posts: 2175
Loc: US
I fear many things, but I figure half the battle is won by simply admitting them.

#1. Spiders
I'm with FP on this one, except I couldn't even go NEAR one without freaking out. Even Daddy Longlegs had me armed with a broom, ready to sweep those spindly-legged bastards out of my house! Tarantulas, wolf spiders and brown recluses? Uh-uh. "Arachaphobia" was simply out of the question for me. I didn't even want to see the trailers for it on tv. I'd imagine that if my bare feet poked out from under my sheets, they'd be open to attack from giant tarantulas.

But since last year, when I had a small "neutral" wolf spider living above my doorway, my attitudes have changed. You see, this little guy/gal had built a small web in the crack above my doorway. It never moved from its place (I did see it move several times, so I know it wasn't dead!), and one night I came home to see that it had caught a brown recluse in its web. At the time I didn't know that wolf spiders preyed on recluses, but I was thrilled all the same. I struck a deal with him--if he didn't jump on me as I was walking through my front door, I wouldn't kill him. Sparky (so I named him) and I had a great relationship. But one day I found him missing, and was sad to see him gone. A few weeks later, washing dishes in the kitchen, I happened to look down just as a 2 1/2" spider nearly runs across my foot! He was so fast, but I could tell it wasn't a recluse by its dark color and length of its legs. I was actually happy to see a spider in my house. A few nights later, in my room getting my freak on with my boyfriend, I noticed this same spider chilling out in the corner of my room. I couldn't help but keep an eye on him, as he kept inching closer and closer to the bed where we lay sprawled, butt-naked. I couldn't reach to where he was "perched", so I had my boyfriend hold a cup over him while I got a piece of paper to slip under him. I think it was Sparky, and he had wandered into the house. I took a couple of pictures of him before I let him outside:



That little bastard changed the way I think about spiders.

#2. Nightmares

I have incredibly vivid dreams, and lucky for me, the clearest and most memorable ones are nightmares. Monsters chasing me that I can never out-run. Creatures ripping the beating hearts out of chest cavities to eat. Inhuman things wearing the skin of a human, but stare at me with dead eyes. Traveling to other worlds. Being sucked out into the vacuum of space and having all the liquids in my body start to boil. Tornados of fire. Nuclear bombs detonating and being caught in the wave of fire from the blast.

I used to be able to actually see things in the dark. For instance, as a little kid, sometimes I'd crawl into my parents' bed if I was scared. I'd lie awake between them, staring up at the ceiling fan. Something out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. A face, green and glowing and hideous, would part a hole with his long, nailed hands in the wall that the headboard was against. It would stick its entire face out, look around, and then look straight down at me until I closed my eyes and made it go away. That happened several times.

Another strange (but singular) incident happened around the same age. I wasn't tired when I was sent to bed. There was a window that my bed was placed across, so I could sit up and put my head against the glass and look outside. I was bored, and was staring at the light of a streetlamp across the street. Out of nowhere, the light detached itself, swooped down, and started heading straight for my window! I jerked back and started screaming. My mom and dad came running in, and I was so little (probably 3 or 4) that I couldn't manage a coherent response. How in the hell could I just describe what I'd seen?

#3 Driving

I like to drive. I live in a busy area (we have a million people living just in Pinellas County according to the 2006 Census). But the past couple of years, after driving to Orlando to visit my aunt and uncle, or paying a visit to my dad down in Fort Myers (both cities are about a 2 hr drive on the interstate), I'll have an attack almost like PTSD. It won't come upon me until I'm just about ready to go to bed, but out of nowhere, I'll start imagining all the horrible accidents I could've gotten into on the road, my heart pounding in my chest. Doing about 80 the whole way, whoa, almost got side-swiped by that idiot in the SUV, or almost rear-ended that guy when he slammed his brakes on--shit like that. It'll keep me awake for at least an hour until I fall asleep. When I'm actually driving, I'm cool as a cucumber. I've even purposefully tried to do calming exercises while on the interstate, even though at the time I'm not stressed, but hoping that it will have an effect on my subconscious.

But, that's a few of my fears. Hope you enjoyed the sampler platter.
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Nothing is sacred.

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#8735 - 05/17/08 12:06 AM Re: Fear Factors for Satanists [Re: ZephyrGirl]
ta2zz Offline
veteran member


Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 1552
Loc: Connecticut

What an interesting thread ZephyrGirl… Where to begin… Where to stop?

I myself have never been afraid of what I may become, how I look, or what anyone thinks of me… A few things that have bothered me in the past and present follow…

Spirits or ghosts…

I myself had a fear as a child overhearing something my mother and grandmother were talking about… I believe I heard them say that spirits talked to you when you slept… Well this scared me so badly as a child I started cocooning myself in my blankets making sure my ears were always covered… Funny that even now that style of sleeping is still the norm for me even though I no longer fear spirits…

Drowning…

As a child I had an experience at a very young age with walking out too far from the beach… Lets say I found deep water very quickly… Without having a memory of that day until I said to myself one day at age 30, why do I hold my breath when washing my hair in the shower? This after being told that my bad habits were something I could never change having lived so long with them… Never being one to think that I could not understand the things I do or change them I set out to understand and then correct that habit… I no longer hold my breath washing my hair, I do tend to spit a lot though… Go figure…

Fear of heights…

I myself am one that gets dizzy staring up at tall buildings… I remember this from being a very small child… At times three steps up a ladder is too high for me yet I will force myself as high as I need be to get a job done… I overcame quite a bit hiking along cliffs that were quite high crossing waterfalls that were rushing underneath us… But I was truly impressed seeing rescue men run down steep inclines that I myself took very cautiously to scoop out the lifeless body of that silly man that tried to repel with clothesline…

My new shop has a ten and a half foot tall ceiling… I am not looking forward to painting the trim standing on that ladder at all… Good thing free tattoos will find many that are willing to paint…

Fear of death being the end…

Yes even as a young man I had a great fear that dying was the end of it all… I feared my loved ones dying as well… As I grew I began to accept that no one has yet defeated death… The chances that I myself would were very slim indeed and why ponder over something that no man can control… It would be nice if someday our thoughts can be saved in a computer or our lives extended by becoming H+ but alas it will not happen in my lifetime…

Fear of those I love not moving on when I am gone…

This is my greatest fear of all now… I always tell my girl to move on when I am gone and just get over it because I for one will not care anymore… I fear how she will handle it and that she will be able to find someone that will care for her needs as well as I… All I can hope for is that everything I taught her about running a tattoo shop will kick in and she will be able to keep my business in place long after I am gone…

~T~

By the way eating gross shit and or laying in a bunch of biting things has never been my idea of an example of being a smart individual…
_________________________
We are the music makers, And we are the dreamers of dreams. ~Arthur William Edgar O'Shaughnessy

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#8752 - 05/17/08 05:04 AM Re: Fear Factors for Satanists [Re: ta2zz]
ZephyrGirl Offline
R.I.P.
active member


Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 706
Loc: Adelaide Australia
I think most guys (and girls) grow out of that sort of thing as they get older. I don't think anyone thinks it's smart, but it's a very real part of human nature when we are younger. That wanting to impress your mates or be the bigger man.

It's the ones that are still doing it into their 30's and 40's that you have to wonder about.

Zeph
_________________________
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass -
It's about learning to dance in the rain.


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#8759 - 05/17/08 12:49 PM Re: Fear Factors for Satanists [Re: ZephyrGirl]
ta2zz Offline
veteran member


Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 1552
Loc: Connecticut
Funny I never felt the need to prove myself bigger or better to anyone even as a child... When we were jumping our bikes over a large sand pile we were simply having fun...

But I agree with what you say...

~T~

I'm Abby Normal \:\)


Edited by ta2zz (05/17/08 01:08 PM)
Edit Reason: Added a thought...
_________________________
We are the music makers, And we are the dreamers of dreams. ~Arthur William Edgar O'Shaughnessy

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#8769 - 05/17/08 04:26 PM Re: Fear Factors for Satanists [Re: ZephyrGirl]
Kon Offline
pledge


Registered: 03/21/08
Posts: 86
Loc: Berlin, Germany
Entrapment, and I mean the literal political crooked cop entrapment.

I fear my end. Not so much the death part though.

I fear slavery and inherent government ruling, overthrown republics, and casual chronology or periodicity.

I fear obsessive compulsive or bi-polar women. Not physically or mentally, it's on another level. That's where my nightmares come from.....that and cold concrete.

I fear causality.

As far as phobias go though I haven't any that I know of.


_________________________
A God complex isn't likely to show itself.

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#8780 - 05/17/08 09:27 PM Re: Fear Factors for Satanists [Re: Kon]
Asmedious Moderator Offline
Moderator
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Registered: 09/02/07
Posts: 1751
Loc: New York
My biggest fear, is the one which I struggle with most often. The fear of not having enough control of my life. I despise having my "strings" pulled, and made to dance by any puppeteer.

Although I realize that it is almost impossible in today's society to be completely "off the grid" and "radar," non the less, that is what I am aiming for.

Hence, I fear becoming old, and eventually dying without ever experiencing complete and total freedom, and "Self Actualization."
_________________________
"The first order of government is the protection of its citizens right to be left alone."

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#8785 - 05/17/08 10:03 PM Re: Fear Factors for Satanists [Re: Amina]
PigFeeder Offline
member


Registered: 03/17/08
Posts: 294
Loc: Near Montreal, QC
"A man who has nothing, fears nothing."


Nemesis, you would hate where I love and probabally where Zeph is living. I walk out my door and find spiders twice as big and juicy as that. I love spiders, as long as I know where it is and doesn't surprise me by crawling up onto my shoulder or something. I can let it crawl on my hand, as long as I can see it I'm good. I don't know if I so much hate as I am really afraid of blackflies and horseflies. They hurt liek hell so I don't know if it's fear that they are too fast, or just the hatefull annoyances they are.


~~Snow~~.
_________________________
For all murderers, I am the leader.
Forever, Rob, The 49 PigFeeder.
NecroMantic Sin.

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#8907 - 05/22/08 07:28 PM Re: Fear Factors for Satanists [Re: PigFeeder]
Isaak w shipley Offline
member


Registered: 03/06/08
Posts: 112
Loc: Tenneessee
I fear not getting to experience everything and enjoying the freedom of luxury and wealth,which money means nothing to me I use it as a survival tool and a luxury tool,but I never was born into a silverspoon in my ass.I always have had to be strong.
I have always had to cover my pain with isolation,because my IQ
Is very high andI can not relate to anybody around the sticks because all they know is "meth"and nothing,nothing,and love their stupity and ignorance.I love Poetry,devotion to knowlege,and Trying to experience,or Dabble in everything.I look at knowlege as the real luxury,and power.It takes knowlege to get up the tower of Babble.I fear that I will fail and end up a
"nobody" Which is not bad to be a shadow in one big book,but I am
ambitious with Rebellion.Aquarians always are.With good ol"Uranus
as my ruling nature.The Planet of Chaotic,Darkness,and Rebellion.
The topsy,turvey planet.IN the world I feel to experience alittle bit of everything is what we are here for.It's easy to Destory,but to Create is God-like.We are all made in the Image of the divine,not just this Religion or that religion.I fear failure because of not enough support for my craft,because I have no friends except Ingrates and ungrateful sons-of-Bithches.
I do not envy anybody for their talents or accomplishments.I have the Cyber family on this screen and yes I look at you all as my family.No matter your Situation,or what side of the track you come from.The question is Do you Accept me? I know these Hicks around me Do not.I am not dissing country people,because I am country-fried.I just dont understand their attiude around here because of my intellegence and study of the Stars,and Philosophy and Craving knowlege to the core, also wanting somebody to share my life with,but I realize that It must not be in my cards to have a lover,a friend ,and a Intelligent opposite sex,Who will share my Lovely,lonely,Inner turmoil.I fear to die Alone.I guess though I will have to face it and conquer,hopefully.


"A Intellegence of nobody."

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